A good father, a good provider is not enough without love.The last time he really kissed me was on our wedding day
The last time my ex -husband kissed me was 2 years into our marriage so what nearly 6 years of never been kissed myself, coupled with 12 months after I left without intimacy (my choice) then another, 12 months almost, after that... Tough I know.
I am not going to judge you regarding the affair. I didn't do that, and as I said I waited another 12 months before but it was probably really, 2 years before I got that buzz and went OMG, didn't realise what I had inside of me sexually.
I am 45 as well.
I call that emotional abuse, in a way it's not, but in away it's, degrading a person to the extent that they feel it's there fault, they feel that they are not sexy and they do not feel alive and become depressed and things fail around them as a result.had it in my mind that there was something wrong with me as a woman and that this was all my fault. I thought maybe I just wasn't attractive enough or just had forgot how to please a man. He doesn't even enjoy getting a BJ. After sex he goes back to watching tv or to sleep. I can't lay on him my body is too hot, I have to get out of his spot before I get it wet, I can't lay my head on him because its to heavy, he doesn't like to be touched and all kinds of stupid mess.
It's 1 person making the other feel useless, pointless, but more importantly you feel un-loved, un-attractive, non-sexy..
It's selfish, it's non-commital and it's not worth hanging about for.
You found whom you are, you know who you really are and you now know that you are alive.
He may provide, he may be a good Dad, but if your in a loveless marriage and he "wont listen" "wont comply", refused to hear you, when you speak over and over and over he never will. Until... You leave... And, then pending on his pride, he may not even then...
Or he may say I will change... But does for a month and goes back to whom he was...is...
We are young at 45 and sexual, we can own the world haha, seriously.... because the one lesson you learnt from all of this is "exactly who you are" and you won't settle for less.
I would quit trying.
I certainly wouldn't tell him about the affair but you can't stay in a marriage in a lie and also sleeping with another man whilst married seriously can you.
So, do the right thing.
Seperate, tell him you need time out, he's not listening.. and he will either come around and really come around and then you can work towards a future again, or he won't in which case, you keep the strength you've gained and get on with your life.
In the olden days, i am convinced women stayed out of the word marriage, and some still believe in that.
But it was loveless and lonely until the day they died. "Next life maybe".
In today's age, we have to be more selfish... Think of ourselves because we only live one life as to whom we are.
Give 100% to making things change, not 50/50 but if he can't come to the party and give back 50% what are you meant to do?
Get on with your life and chalk it down to it has run it's course and this is your life.