I don't agree with abstinence before marriage, though I respected my wife's values when we were dating. We dated 4.5 years, engaged one year. We finally had sex about 6 months before the wedding.

These days couples are dating longer to get the college degree and start a career. A lot get married in their mid or late 20s, and date 5 to 7 years before tying the knot. That's a long time to wait to have sex.

It makes more sense in cultures that have prearranged marriages and when marriages are young, like in the teens. Not for career-minded men and women of today, like our culture. It's ok for short dating times and quick engagements. Then it's manageable. Abstinence long term is cruel and unusual punishment for a sexual person, regardless of religious beliefs.

I strongly believe in "try before you buy" to see if the couple are sexually compatible. Sex is one the most important aspects of marriage. Sex, love, and companionship. Not necessarily in that order. But it's definitely in the top three needs of a marriage. I think that discovering sexual incompatibility while dating before the life long commitment is better than discovering it after the wedding and then being miserable the rest of your life.

My oldest son is going to college this fall. When we toured the campus and the town I had the "college sex talk" with him, expressing my opinion of premarital sex to him. I just want him to be happy in his life, and be able to make decisions now based on experience rather than being stuck later with a woman that he's not sexually compatible with.