Thread: No reciprocation

I have been married for almost 4 yrs. and I do enjoy my sex life a lot more now and I take more exotic chances and try new things with my husband in bed. Well I do give oral sex, but I don't get it back. How can I address this issue with my husband. I always hear woman say that it's the best thing ever and I feel like I'm missing out. I know he enjoys it when I do it to him so why won't he do it back? Should I hold out on the oral until he reciprocates?

Holding out in order to get something,be it oral sex or a cup of tea, is passive aggressive - that leads to misunderstandings, resentments, bad feelings. Better to be avoided.

Communication is a much more positive way of dealing with the situation.

Ask him why he doesn't give you head. Maybe he thinks you don't like it. Maybe he had a bad experience with a previously partner. Maybe he thinks if you want it you will ask. Maybe he is one of these fool men who think that it is not a manly thing to do.

You won't know til you ask him.

Tell him that you really want it and that it bothers you that he doesn't do it. If he is reluctant then ask him to try. Suggest things like taking a shower together so he knows you're really clean. Maybe ordered some flavoured lubes from an adult site (some people use food stuffs but you are better going with a speciality product because the sugar in things like chocolate, whipped cream, honey that you might be tempted to use is actually not a good idea for your vagina).

If he really, really will not do it then you might fairly say to him that you don't feel comfortable giving oral when you don't get it. But say it to his face - don't just start withholding.

I like your advice. I guess I'm just a little unsure about how to bring it up to him. But I agree communication seems to be the best way to deal with this. Thanks

Some ideas for approaching the subject:

On a playful night ask him what is his favorite thing that you do to him to turn him on, then tell him what your favorite thing is (listing something that he is doing already, of course) Could open the doorway to talking about different acts you already do and what feels good, and that might lighten and sex up the mood enough for you to mention wanting to know what it feels like to have his tongue on you.

If you've been married a while and he hasn't done this, chances are he doesn't like to do it. Some guys just don't. I don't know how they manage to get by without doing it, but some do. It takes a very accepting and understanding signficant other, but many men experience this as well with wives that refuse to perform oral... and they manage to get by.

But if you can get at the heart of why he doesn't like it: If he is squeemish about getting pubes in his mouth, offer to shave, if he's concerned about taste offer to have it freshly washed and spring clean, and if he is REALLY squeemish about taste offer to use a flavored lube as a previous poster suggested.

Maybe he's never done it before, maybe he has and it was really a bad experience. Maybe he thinks you won't like it, or will think bad of him if he tries are all possibilities but some guys are just INTO it... and love the taste of their woman, and some guys just AREN'T.

Same applies for oral to men, some women (myself included) love pleasuring their SO with their mouth, enjoy their taste and feel and love to have them orgasm in their mouth. Other women will barely take a peck at the head and would vomit at the thought of tasting a mans ejaculate. It takes all kinds and none is bad its just a matter of helping him to feel better about doing it, or you finding a way to be able to be okay with not having it done.

Does he make sure to please you in other ways, with touches or toys or sex that you orgasm from?

Hi ladynwaiting! I have a problem telling my husband to give me oral. He wants me to just push him down on me or demand it kind of in a take charge kinda way. I get a little embarressed at the thought of telling him to do it. But he told a friend of ours that he LOVES to do it to me! And that he wishes that I would be more open to letting him and asking for it. So I would have to agree that talking to your hubbie would be a good start. If it is hard for you to bring up then maybe set the mood, have a couple coctails and start asking what he would want you to do for him then tell him what you want. just an idea........

Another poster, can't remember who right now, mentioned something in another thread about giving her husband 'tokens' for certain sex acts - he can give her a token for a hand job or oral. Sounded fun. And I like HD's idea about discussing your favourite things - maybe merge those two ideas together for a fun little sex game to play with each other and you can mention an oral card for you and one for him. He may just go along with it and do it, or he may say that he doesn't want to do it and then at least you have started dialogue about it.

I like your ideas, We don't use toys, but I do have orgasms when we have sex. I just feel kind of bored with sex as usual, I give him oral all the time and I just really want to have that same experience, you know. He has tried a few times in the past and I tried to encourage him that it was great, seeing as how it has never been done to me by anyone else before. I tried to get him to try again, but I just eventually left it alone.

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Some ideas for approaching the subject:

On a playful night ask him what is his favorite thing that you do to him to turn him on, then tell him what your favorite thing is (listing something that he is doing already, of course) Could open the doorway to talking about different acts you already do and what feels good, and that might lighten and sex up the mood enough for you to mention wanting to know what it feels like to have his tongue on you.

If you've been married a while and he hasn't done this, chances are he doesn't like to do it. Some guys just don't. I don't know how they manage to get by without doing it, but some do. It takes a very accepting and understanding signficant other, but many men experience this as well with wives that refuse to perform oral... and they manage to get by.

But if you can get at the heart of why he doesn't like it: If he is squeemish about getting pubes in his mouth, offer to shave, if he's concerned about taste offer to have it freshly washed and spring clean, and if he is REALLY squeemish about taste offer to use a flavored lube as a previous poster suggested.

Maybe he's never done it before, maybe he has and it was really a bad experience. Maybe he thinks you won't like it, or will think bad of him if he tries are all possibilities but some guys are just INTO it... and love the taste of their woman, and some guys just AREN'T.

Same applies for oral to men, some women (myself included) love pleasuring their SO with their mouth, enjoy their taste and feel and love to have them orgasm in their mouth. Other women will barely take a peck at the head and would vomit at the thought of tasting a mans ejaculate. It takes all kinds and none is bad its just a matter of helping him to feel better about doing it, or you finding a way to be able to be okay with not having it done.

Does he make sure to please you in other ways, with touches or toys or sex that you orgasm from?

Its really frustrating to want something that it seems everyone else gets - in this case oral sex. Some people (male or female) just don't like doing it, even though they like receiving.

You can try talking to him, but he may just not want to, and can't understand how important it is to you. If you enjoy giving him oral, there is no reason to stop - but it does seem unfair. (same problem here, genders reversed).