Desperate - not enough Sex Help! - Page 2

**Swiftus** · 06-25-2009, 05:27 PM

I am dealing with the same thing from the other side, though.

The only sex I get any more is solely for procreation purposes. It is always right before bed and lacks all foreplay. It is lube, insert, thrust, repeat.

I am doing my best to find out how to help/change the scenario, but I am also not successful.

I am sad to say this, but this may be the reason that ashleymadison exists?

**rcoreyus** · 06-25-2009, 06:33 PM

It is unfortunate that having affairs is not considered acceptable, even if your spouse doesn't want sex. So, if you have a relationship that is good in other ways you are just stuck. Leave someone you love just beacause you dont' get sex? Spend your life living like a nun / priest? Neither is very appealing.

I don't think you can expect people to change. You need to make the above ugly choice.

**blondie80** · 06-25-2009, 06:46 PM

M&Ms - The best you can do is change your belief and attitude toward sex. If loving him is more important than having physical intimacy.
I can understand this to a degree, you can change your beliefs to a degree to suit the situation that you are in, it is what changes the foundations of a relationships but at the end of the day everyone has wants and needs, you cant change someone but you expect someone to change you?? How does this discussion work?
I think in a situation like this it should be about compramise if one person is getting everything they want out of a relationship and the other is getting nothing it really isnt much of a relationship is it. He may be having a hard time with stress and things like that and it could just be something simple, and yes then that changes the dynamics and maybe a little more patience needs to be baught in but if it is something that is really important to one and not important at all to the other there needs to be compramise to a degree otherwise one is really unhappy in the relationship and eventually build up resentment frustration and everything will fall apart.

**M&Ms** · 06-26-2009, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blondie80

M&Ms - The best you can do is change your belief and attitude toward sex. If loving him is more important than having physical intimacy.
I can understand this to a degree, you can change your beliefs to a degree to suit the situation that you are in, it is what changes the foundations of a relationships but at the end of the day everyone has wants and needs, you cant change someone but you expect someone to change you?? How does this discussion work?
I think in a situation like this it should be about compramise if one person is getting everything they want out of a relationship and the other is getting nothing it really isnt much of a relationship is it. He may be having a hard time with stress and things like that and it could just be something simple, and yes then that changes the dynamics and maybe a little more patience needs to be baught in but if it is something that is really important to one and not important at all to the other there needs to be compramise to a degree otherwise one is really unhappy in the relationship and eventually build up resentment frustration and everything will fall apart.

Someone else wouldn't be forcing you to change yourself if you were the one who expected them to change in the first place. Unless the individual did a complete reversal in their behavior during the relationship, causing you to perceive a disappointing difference in them, how do you expect them to work around your needs? If the individual DID do a complete reversal (for example, in the situation of the starter of this thread: if the bf had been very sexually active with her in the beginning of the relationship and then all of a sudden quit), then yes, I definitely agree with you on the requirement for a compromise. When I posted my response, the thread starter hadn't indicated whether her partner had frequent sex with her near the beginning of their relationship.

**blondie80** · 06-26-2009, 05:03 PM

I do get where you are coming from M&Ms, you cant expect someone to change especially if it was like this from the start of the relationship then yes you would just assume that it was normal for them and something you could either live with or not because if its like that from the start its not going to change. If it had just deteriorated through the relationship then you do wonder if there is more room for compramise because then it is unfair, maybe i just assumed that if its only now a problem after 8 years that it had slowly been dwindling away. But you are right the poster never mentioned how much was normal at the start or weather it had always been like this

GotItAll · 06-26-2009, 06:32 PM

Well this is hard, and i wouldnt know how you feel because my husband has the large sex drive! we have sex at least 3 times a day crashing anywhere even on my office floor! we also finger each other and i have an orgasm usually every day! I have high sex drive to and use a dildo in all my spare time i usually find riding the dildo takes my mnd away from sex with the husband.

**The Orbess** · 06-27-2009, 03:07 AM

I agree w/ GotItAll- Go get some toys!

My friends throw "passion parties" and man...some of the crazy stuff they get is , just insane!

But, it's a reality though.

Sex, is sex. I mean, c'mon. If he wasn't the greatst thing in bed before hand, than by you getting toys, is kind of like an up-grade.

Masturbate while lying next to him in bed. Finger yourself with him lying right next to you.

When he asks what you're doing (and he will) say "I have have needs babe..."

Or if you REALLY wanna put it in his face, make a grocery list and add "extra batteries" to the list. Then tell him they're for your new toys.

He'd have to be a total MORON to not catch onto this.

-Orbess

**M&Ms** · 06-28-2009, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GotItAll

Well this is hard, and i wouldnt know how you feel because my husband has the large sex drive! we have sex at least 3 times a day crashing anywhere even on my office floor! we also finger each other and i have an orgasm usually every day! I have high sex drive to and use a dildo in all my spare time i usually find riding the dildo takes my mnd away from sex with the husband.

That's great...way to make the rest of us feel unfulfilled!

**dr.mansview** · 06-28-2009, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by M&Ms

That's great...way to make the rest of us feel unfulfilled!

very funny M&Ms..

snow.turtle · 06-29-2009, 06:25 AM

My husband is also not a very sexual person. I am luck y to get sex once every few months. i take care of myself and that way there is less pressure on him in that way. In doing so when we do have sex its about connection. As for the part about holding hands and stuff maybe if you innitiate it and cuddle up to him without the sex in the way he will reciprocate but if not talk to him and let him know you need the touching (again without bringingup sex) and that you would like for him to cuddle with you on the couch occasionaly. These are things I have used and I am in my 16th yr of marriage. I know how hard it is to be rejected for sex, it makes you wonder about so many things. But some men just dont like intercourse. I hope this helped you some. Good luck.

06-27-2009, 03:07 AM	#17
The Orbess VIP Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Im in a small town in Colorado Posts: 41	I agree w/ GotItAll- Go get some toys! My friends throw "passion parties" and man...some of the crazy stuff they get is , just insane! But, it's a reality though. Sex, is sex. I mean, c'mon. If he wasn't the greatst thing in bed before hand, than by you getting toys, is kind of like an up-grade. Masturbate while lying next to him in bed. Finger yourself with him lying right next to you. When he asks what you're doing (and he will) say "I have have needs babe..." Or if you REALLY wanna put it in his face, make a grocery list and add "extra batteries" to the list. Then tell him they're for your new toys. He'd have to be a total MORON to not catch onto this. -Orbess __________________ "Only one love, never two loves baby. One is enough and it's driving me crazy!" -Orbital's "Funny Break, One is Enough"

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06-25-2009, 05:27 PM	#11
Swiftus Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 106	I am dealing with the same thing from the other side, though. The only sex I get any more is solely for procreation purposes. It is always right before bed and lacks all foreplay. It is lube, insert, thrust, repeat. I am doing my best to find out how to help/change the scenario, but I am also not successful. I am sad to say this, but this may be the reason that ashleymadison exists?

06-25-2009, 06:33 PM	#12
rcoreyus March 2008 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: SF bay area Posts: 1,317	It is unfortunate that having affairs is not considered acceptable, even if your spouse doesn't want sex. So, if you have a relationship that is good in other ways you are just stuck. Leave someone you love just beacause you dont' get sex? Spend your life living like a nun / priest? Neither is very appealing. I don't think you can expect people to change. You need to make the above ugly choice.

06-25-2009, 06:46 PM	#13
blondie80 Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Australia Posts: 106	M&Ms - The best you can do is change your belief and attitude toward sex. If loving him is more important than having physical intimacy. I can understand this to a degree, you can change your beliefs to a degree to suit the situation that you are in, it is what changes the foundations of a relationships but at the end of the day everyone has wants and needs, you cant change someone but you expect someone to change you?? How does this discussion work? I think in a situation like this it should be about compramise if one person is getting everything they want out of a relationship and the other is getting nothing it really isnt much of a relationship is it. He may be having a hard time with stress and things like that and it could just be something simple, and yes then that changes the dynamics and maybe a little more patience needs to be baught in but if it is something that is really important to one and not important at all to the other there needs to be compramise to a degree otherwise one is really unhappy in the relationship and eventually build up resentment frustration and everything will fall apart.

06-26-2009, 05:03 PM	#15
blondie80 Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Australia Posts: 106	I do get where you are coming from M&Ms, you cant expect someone to change especially if it was like this from the start of the relationship then yes you would just assume that it was normal for them and something you could either live with or not because if its like that from the start its not going to change. If it had just deteriorated through the relationship then you do wonder if there is more room for compramise because then it is unfair, maybe i just assumed that if its only now a problem after 8 years that it had slowly been dwindling away. But you are right the poster never mentioned how much was normal at the start or weather it had always been like this

06-26-2009, 06:32 PM	#16
GotItAll Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 1	Well this is hard, and i wouldnt know how you feel because my husband has the large sex drive! we have sex at least 3 times a day crashing anywhere even on my office floor! we also finger each other and i have an orgasm usually every day! I have high sex drive to and use a dildo in all my spare time i usually find riding the dildo takes my mnd away from sex with the husband.

06-29-2009, 06:25 AM	#20
snow.turtle Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 2	My husband is also not a very sexual person. I am luck y to get sex once every few months. i take care of myself and that way there is less pressure on him in that way. In doing so when we do have sex its about connection. As for the part about holding hands and stuff maybe if you innitiate it and cuddle up to him without the sex in the way he will reciprocate but if not talk to him and let him know you need the touching (again without bringingup sex) and that you would like for him to cuddle with you on the couch occasionaly. These are things I have used and I am in my 16th yr of marriage. I know how hard it is to be rejected for sex, it makes you wonder about so many things. But some men just dont like intercourse. I hope this helped you some. Good luck.