sexless

Okay ladies. Here's my story.

Firstly, I'm 19, and I've had a fair amount of boys in my life since the age of 14.

But I'm a virgin. I'm not abstinent, or waiting to fall in love, or anything like that. I'm just plain frustrated now. I just can't seem to have sex at all.

Okay. This all started when I was about 13. I started my period, but did not bleed. Why? My hymen was too thick. Diagnosed a few months later, and my doctor performed a hymenectomy on me. Recovery was inconvenient, but swift. So, I'm hymenless. After recovery, I could NOT insert a tampon during periods. It just did not work. ing ouch.

Less than a year later, I got my first boyfriend. On our one year anniversary, we tried having vaginal intercourse. Obviously, it didn't work. It was profoundly painful.

Now, I can tolerate pain at LEAST as well as the average girl, and if attempting penetration hurt this much for everybody... we'd ALL be virgins, I assure you.

A handful of years and boys later, here I am, in the exact same position. EVERY time I attempt to penetrate myself with either a finger or a penis or what have you, it just doesn't work. Things can go in (EXTREMELY uncomfortably) for about one inch, and then it's like they just hit a wall--not that I would let them go in anyway, this pain is a blinding, suffocating, overwhelming pain. A mixture of unbearable pressure and a ripping, tearing... just... ouch. Seriously.

Also, every time I push a LITTLE harder than usual, I tend to bleed. It's definitely blood, but it isn't menstrual blood or anything, it's a little more brown than that. But it certainly IS blood.

So, I looked up vaginismus. This is a condition in which the pelvic muscles contract involuntarily in anticipation of intercourse. Treatment involves exercises... yadda yadda yadda.. I tried it. Long story short, it doesn't help.

I need help. I want to avoid doctors if possible. Does anyone have any ideas? This is really taking a toll on me. Quite depressing.

Abi

I know you say you tried the exercises to help overcome Vaginismus, and that they did not help. However since you say you looked up this advice and did not follow a plan drawn up for you by a professional, I wonder if that might make the difference?
With your condition if you move too swiftly from one stage of treatment to another and at any point feel pain, it can cause the problem to intensify, as psychologically you will be braced for pain and your body reacts.

I am sorry to say it, but I really think the best idea is to go to your doctor or gynecologist, or find a good sex therapist that can take your specific medical history into account and help you.

I know you dislike the idea of going to a doctor, but it has to be better than denying yourself and your partners any more years of pleasure.

Good luck, I really hope you can resolve this.

ItsASecret

Use lube, plain and simple. Any pain that a person will feel is from friction, lack of lubrication. Drag your palm across your thigh, with lots of pressure...that is the same effect that happens in your vagina right now no matter what is being inserted. Until your muscles have relaxed you will not be able to get anything in, and if you do force it then you will experience the pain like you mentioned. You must work on the arousal, get wet naturally or artificially. If that does not work, then you may need to consult a doctor...not a therapist, a real doctor because they can provide the medications if need be.

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