New person, New fears...

Jersey · 06-21-2009, 06:59 AM

I'm 20 years old and currently abroad very far from my home... I've only slept with one guy, who I was in a relationship with for 2 1/2 years... People where I am hook up all the time, and have a great time doing it... Twice now I've been invited back to this guys room and each time I've said no... I like him but I'm so scared to sleep with someone new... Another guy I was seeing here promised to keep me entertained all night long before I leave.. He's amazing and I have a huge crush on him, but I'm still scared... I feel like I can't compare to any of the other girls they've slept with and every little thing about me is wrong... Chalk it up to crappy self-esteem but is there anyway to try to forget about my lack of confidence and just have fun? To not be scared for once? It's my only chance to have the experience of a lifetime here and I feel like I'm throwing it away...

**dr.mansview** · 06-21-2009, 07:14 AM

you may feel it will be the experience of a life time, but the boy may be looking at it as another one night stand..it's doubtful that what you envision is actually what will happen in reality..don't just give it away because that seems to be the norm where are currently living..it may seem to you that "they are having a great time doing it", but if everyone is having casual sex among themselves, there are going to be hurt feeling..be yourself..don't conform just to fit in..if they are truly friends thay will accept you for who you are..you're only 20..don't fast forward thru your sex life..let it take its natural course..

Jersey · 06-23-2009, 07:29 AM

its not like i want to sleep around... i have my morals that i intend on sticking with... i'm just worried that i'm never going to get over this "scared to try someone new" feeling...

**dr.mansview** · 06-23-2009, 07:51 AM

are you scared of this "trying someone new" feeling because they are expecting you to have sex with them..sometime soon you are going to meet a guy who just wants to have dinner with you and take you to a movie..a guy who will make you feel comfortable without the early expectations of sex..a guy that will want to just hang out with you until you get to know each other better..you're young, have had only limited dating experience..trust me, time will take care of your worries..p.s. work on your self esteem..be more confident about yourself..if you're all dressed up and looking the best you can, then your personality will add that little extra to your personna..

**Swiftus** · 06-23-2009, 09:45 AM

Jersey, also, when a woman has these fears, they never appear to go away during the act.

What I mean is that you will not enjoy the experience. You will be too worried about this/that and it will only further cloud the experience.

Dr Mansview is pretty accurate. Until you are happy with your body and yourself, don't bother.

06-21-2009, 06:59 AM	#1
Jersey Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 3	New person, New fears... I'm 20 years old and currently abroad very far from my home... I've only slept with one guy, who I was in a relationship with for 2 1/2 years... People where I am hook up all the time, and have a great time doing it... Twice now I've been invited back to this guys room and each time I've said no... I like him but I'm so scared to sleep with someone new... Another guy I was seeing here promised to keep me entertained all night long before I leave.. He's amazing and I have a huge crush on him, but I'm still scared... I feel like I can't compare to any of the other girls they've slept with and every little thing about me is wrong... Chalk it up to crappy self-esteem but is there anyway to try to forget about my lack of confidence and just have fun? To not be scared for once? It's my only chance to have the experience of a lifetime here and I feel like I'm throwing it away...

06-21-2009, 07:14 AM	#2
dr.mansview Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: canada Posts: 1,212	you may feel it will be the experience of a life time, but the boy may be looking at it as another one night stand..it's doubtful that what you envision is actually what will happen in reality..don't just give it away because that seems to be the norm where are currently living..it may seem to you that "they are having a great time doing it", but if everyone is having casual sex among themselves, there are going to be hurt feeling..be yourself..don't conform just to fit in..if they are truly friends thay will accept you for who you are..you're only 20..don't fast forward thru your sex life..let it take its natural course.. __________________ a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..

06-23-2009, 07:51 AM	#4
dr.mansview Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: canada Posts: 1,212	are you scared of this "trying someone new" feeling because they are expecting you to have sex with them..sometime soon you are going to meet a guy who just wants to have dinner with you and take you to a movie..a guy who will make you feel comfortable without the early expectations of sex..a guy that will want to just hang out with you until you get to know each other better..you're young, have had only limited dating experience..trust me, time will take care of your worries..p.s. work on your self esteem..be more confident about yourself..if you're all dressed up and looking the best you can, then your personality will add that little extra to your personna.. __________________ a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..

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06-23-2009, 07:29 AM	#3
Jersey Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 3	its not like i want to sleep around... i have my morals that i intend on sticking with... i'm just worried that i'm never going to get over this "scared to try someone new" feeling...

06-23-2009, 09:45 AM	#5
Swiftus Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 131	Jersey, also, when a woman has these fears, they never appear to go away during the act. What I mean is that you will not enjoy the experience. You will be too worried about this/that and it will only further cloud the experience. Dr Mansview is pretty accurate. Until you are happy with your body and yourself, don't bother.