help with my wife

**solders_nvr_die** · 06-26-2009 05:53 AM

okay i get the idea this is like all wemon site but its the only place i feel like i can get good answers im in iraq and go home bout 4-5 months and want to knock her off her feet here is the ? my tells me she doesnt like the whole kneck kisses or seduction thing nor going dwn on her i know she is self consious of that but her sex drive isnt that big really im 20 and she is 23 we have 1 child together been married bout 1 yr but only been with each other for bout 6 months of that yr so far how do i knock her on her off her feet she isnt into fourplay and i know im not doing nething wrong dwn their but she says its a turn off and she isnt into positions other than 2 i need help wut can i do to influence her mood and expand her mind i did read that a women is sensitive and that if a arguement or sumthing didnt go right earlier in the day it ruins the sex drive all day p.s i also know its not that she is unatracted to me but she seems never into the mood

**WildChild** · 06-26-2009 07:50 AM

Hmmmm, First off it's great you are looking for ways to WOW her. Every woman is different and what really gets one going may not do much for another. Most women respond well to a sensual build up, getting her aroused and keeping a level of sensuality and sexual awareness makes it easier for most women to be responsive. Being apart for so long with her having a fairly low sex interest will probably mean that in some ways when you get home you will have to court her all over again.

I have some questions that may help us give you better answers. Does she orgasm during intercourse? How strong was her interest in sex before she got pregnant? Does she ever initiate sex? So far as you know does she masterbate? Does she have a vibrator or any toys? She doesn't like neck kisses (I love those) or you going down on her, are there things she does like? If she doesn't like foreplay how aroused does she get?

I get a feeling that she is not only self conscious but also a bit inexperienced? Is she open to doing things for you such as hjs or bjs? Do you think she would be open to some books or dvds on sex and arousal?

I'm sure you will find plenty of people here ready to make suggestions and give you ideas. You keep safe and stay with us here.

**Hopeless Dork** · 06-26-2009 08:35 AM

Okay from my personal experience, I am so selective on the positions I have sex in because I pick what I feel I look best in, lol. Seriously, though. I don't like being on top as much because I feel embarassed for some reason, but it in the dark... I love that position.

It took me so long to be open to doggie style (now its my favorite) because I felt like I needed to lose some more weight to look okay in that position, now that I have I do it... but to be honest I am still nervous if he thinks I look fat like that.

I guess what I am getting at.. is there could be a possibility of her having self-image issues as to why she doesn't want you to do certain things. There are women on this board that will say as much as they like oral sex they don't let their guy go down on them because they are self-conscious of how they look there.

Even if you think she's perfect, if she feels uncomfortable with herself in anyway its going to affect how she feels sexually, how adventerous.

I'd try dimming the lights really low, reminding her how very beautiful she is and slowly one by one, telling her how much you love each and every part of her body. It may help her to embarace those things as well and be more comfortable showing herself.

Of course that might not be what her issue is, but even if it isnt... what woman would complain about being flattered

**solders_nvr_die** · 06-26-2009 10:35 AM

okay lets see no she doesnt do bj's and yes i do know she is self concsious of her punany but it seems our sex life is like 1onc a week when i was home and it used to be before preg like 2-3times a day and sad to say no orgasms with me she says it really hard for any one to make her orgasm it takes awhile for her to build up and she likes dirty tlk and she masterbates alot since im gone and watches porn and i asked her wut turns her on she said the noises of the wemon and men on their but i told her we should watch it together and she is embarrassed to and the position thing might be due to her self concious i do tell her she has the perfect body though as my lips are on what ever part im just not to sure wut the deal is and i tell her i feel bad for not being able to give her an orgasm im not to sure how to build her up then do it so usually our sex just consist of the main thing we just jump right into it

**WildChild** · 06-26-2009 11:00 AM

Well if she masterbates, she should be bringing herself to orgasm, so that's a good thing. At least she knows what one feels like! It's unfortunate that so many women have problems with poor self esteem and body image. In today's world there is a weird dichotomy for many women and perhaps more so for younger ones, on one hand they will often act very overtly sexual in pretty public situations but on the other hand may be sexually unresponsive, very self conscious and very sexually unsure in private. The one is a kind of act, having the appearance of being sexually knowledgable sometimes even to faking it during sex, while the other is a false sense of modesty and an insecurity. It can be tough to overcome. We get so many messages through advertising and media, that no real person can live up to.

The gift of a book or two such as the Orgasm Loop or One Hour Orgasm, might be helpful - you should read it too. It should give you both some different ideas and techniques.

**solders_nvr_die** · 06-26-2009 11:35 AM

so ill look into those books but i got to wait till i get back to the states but im looking at trying to solve her concernes with self estem see i thought the whole no affection was do to maybe a passed history of assult or abuse that i dont know about and if it is do i confront her bout it i just really want her to enjoy our sex so much she wont leave the room and also im not to sure y but she thinks that i can do alot better and she worries bout me going and finding some one else and that thought is not even in my head and i have expressed this to her i think its me for the reason we dont have a alsome sex life but i have never been in a situation like this my passed i have been able to satisfy and im the type of person that wants to tlk bout how to improve or sex life its no really embarrasing to me its important in a relation ship

**Tina Lee** · 06-26-2009 12:30 PM

Well it sounds like you're on the right track. Good communication is one of the keys to great sex, I think.

If you have concerns that she was abused in the past, you may want to wait until you get home to gently discuss that with her.

Also, was she raised in a very strict home? Some people may intentionally, or un-intentionally raise thier children to believe that sex is bad, or dirty. If she comes from very old fashioned parents, they may have taught her that. But she can overcome that with some work.

**WildChild** · 06-26-2009 01:10 PM

Well Solder it's not necessarily that she may have been abused. Our society is so full of mixed messages toward women and sex and our bodies that it can be difficult to have a healthy attitude. If you read through some of the threads here you will find women (many of them very attractive from their pictures) who hate their bodies, they cut them, starve them, overeat, do all sorts of things because they lack the self esteem they need to value themselves. You will see women who agonize over bfs and husbands who watch porn because they feel that they cannot measure up to the actresses looks or sexual behavior. You can read the stories of women who have been or still are abused and tollerate it because they love the man or don't really beleive they can function on their own. It is a society wide problem and not just American - there are women from all over the world dealing with these things. They haven't felt valued, cherished or acceptable as who they are. For so many generations women have been treated more like children or idiots and in some places they still are. It will take time to develop healthier feelings and relationships.

You are a really good man for wanting so much to work with your wife on this. You will find other men here who are trying to do the same. Unfortunately there are many men who just don't care much. Don't give up, it may take time and patience but I think a turned on woman is worth it. They are so much happier, more productive and your lives will be far more joyfull and fullfilling - for both of you.

**solders_nvr_die** · 06-26-2009 01:44 PM

wel ty im still going to try i love my wife very much and im sure ur on to sumthing with the whole self esteem b/c she turned to drug use to cut weight and we are dealing with that issue now almost cost our marriage and i think i must find away to get her to believe me when i say how sexy she is and how much i love holding her body close to mine and just taking every preciouse momment to enjoy her

**Joy** · 06-26-2009 05:51 PM

do you guys communicate via email right now? send her love notes as often as you get to. mushy mushy and sexy

Send her lil 1 liners and funny lil jokes. once my bf was away for a while and he sent me love notes every day he could and i always got excited when i saw a message in my inbox from him. They were sincere, honest, and full of love.

You obviously love her good luck

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