Emotional Attachment during intimacy? - Page 2

**Joy** · 07-04-2009, 02:15 PM

well if she didn't tell you while you were in the relationship then she is the one that missed the opprotunity to bring about change and awareness. She also can't compare you to past lovers cause its not about the past its about the moment and the future that awaits.

could be self sabotage.... scared of the commitment you to have so she needed space.

there are lots of things that my current bf is different from past lovers but I don't tell him..... He is who he is and I accept that fully.

sometimes we are all guilty of "love scripts" playing in our heads from watching fairtale movies, porn or whatever

When we play that image and compare it to the reality of our situation and their is conflict in the images well we tend to think something is wrong.

Hang in there communicate with her if that is a possiblity in repairing your relationship. Ask her about fantasies that she has running thru her head....

**jonnie_rocks** · 07-05-2009, 10:09 AM

WC - Well I did, for almost two years and the result was failure (in my mind) as we are
now broken up. Working on getting back together, but I can't say if that will
happen.

I hope it does.

**jonnie_rocks** · 07-05-2009, 10:12 AM

Joy - She has low self esteem issues and trust issues too. Everyone I've ever met has
issues that they bring to their next relationship. I do, she does and we were
working on those with the help of a professional.

I'm not giving up.

**WildChild** · 07-05-2009, 11:42 AM

Well dear, the older (I'm over 50, seen lots of it) you get, the more baggage people have. And they do seem to enjoy hauling it around with them and dusting it off and trying to hang it on who ever has the audacity to come into their lives. You'd think they would learn from it what ever Useful Lessons there were and leave the rest behind but few seem to.

Don't let go of your good loving, caring qualities. She just may not be ready for a positive relationship. There isn't a lot you can do except be a freind, offer gentle encouragement and know that you can't change her. She has to do the changing for herself. I'm dealing with this myself. Some people get so locked into a script that even when they know it is hurting them they just can't quit playing it.

**caterpillar79** · 07-07-2009, 08:50 AM

If you think she's worth the wait, then wait. Otherwise you can do your shopping and make sure to do an upgrade.

07-07-2009, 08:50 AM	#15
caterpillar79 Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: MidWest, USA Posts: 1,321 Blog Entries: 51	If you think she's worth the wait, then wait. Otherwise you can do your shopping and make sure to do an upgrade. __________________ Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

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07-04-2009, 02:15 PM	#11
Joy Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 625 Blog Entries: 5	well if she didn't tell you while you were in the relationship then she is the one that missed the opprotunity to bring about change and awareness. She also can't compare you to past lovers cause its not about the past its about the moment and the future that awaits. could be self sabotage.... scared of the commitment you to have so she needed space. there are lots of things that my current bf is different from past lovers but I don't tell him..... He is who he is and I accept that fully. sometimes we are all guilty of "love scripts" playing in our heads from watching fairtale movies, porn or whatever When we play that image and compare it to the reality of our situation and their is conflict in the images well we tend to think something is wrong. Hang in there communicate with her if that is a possiblity in repairing your relationship. Ask her about fantasies that she has running thru her head....

07-05-2009, 10:09 AM	#12
jonnie_rocks VIP Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 33	WC - Well I did, for almost two years and the result was failure (in my mind) as we are now broken up. Working on getting back together, but I can't say if that will happen. I hope it does.

07-05-2009, 10:12 AM	#13
jonnie_rocks VIP Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 33	Joy - She has low self esteem issues and trust issues too. Everyone I've ever met has issues that they bring to their next relationship. I do, she does and we were working on those with the help of a professional. I'm not giving up.

07-05-2009, 11:42 AM	#14
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,223 Blog Entries: 5	Well dear, the older (I'm over 50, seen lots of it) you get, the more baggage people have. And they do seem to enjoy hauling it around with them and dusting it off and trying to hang it on who ever has the audacity to come into their lives. You'd think they would learn from it what ever Useful Lessons there were and leave the rest behind but few seem to. Don't let go of your good loving, caring qualities. She just may not be ready for a positive relationship. There isn't a lot you can do except be a freind, offer gentle encouragement and know that you can't change her. She has to do the changing for herself. I'm dealing with this myself. Some people get so locked into a script that even when they know it is hurting them they just can't quit playing it.