jonnie_rocks

Greetings All

Chivalry is alive and well. Women, please stop settling for anything less than the best from your men. I am an emotional guy, who is fairly "old fashioned" when it comes to how I treat the woman I love. No, I don't believe in "women's work" or the "Cleavers". I do believe in class, dignity, honor and respect and I try to live by example everyday.

The woman I love with all of my heart and with whom I have been in a relationship for nearly two years (until recently) shared with me that she doesn't feel like we are emotionally connected during physical intimacy.

I would appreciate trying to understand what she means (from your perspective ladies).

I would also like everyone know that we, at times, have the following challenges:

1. My inability to orgasm in the missionary position due to lack of friction to
the underside of my penis. Happens frequently and leads to item #2.

2. The frequent disappintment she feels when "she" is unable to bring me to
orgasm. Makes her feel unattractive, undesirable, sexually inadequate,
etc. I find her extremely attractive, incredibly desirable and everything
I need, want or desire sexually. My inability to orgasm is not "her" but
me (I think) or perhaps "us".

3. She is often times "too wet", like many other women have mentioned on
this site.

4. Rarely do we orgasm together (she did with previous partners).

The only sure way for me to orgasm is when she's lying on her stomach and I
enter her from behind. The friction is very good and I can oragsm without a problem.

Bottom line.....

I'd like to understand what she means by "emotionally connected" and I'd like to be able to orgasm in missionary position together.

Thank you.

WildChild

Its kissing, touching, engaging foreplay, letting her know (in her love language) that you lover her and care for her.
Sounds like she needs a kegel master to tighten up some and you need to try some different posistions. How about her feet over your shoulders? Why does this need to happen in missionary posistion?

caterpillar79

When you do her from behind, do you just stay in a kneeling position? It helps if you lean forward, have you chest touch her back, kiss her on her nape, touch her more while you thrust...I think what she meant with her wants for intimacy has so much to do with bodily contact during the act. I personally feel the intimacy thing with doggie, but we tried doing it with a couple of tweaking here and there until we both found what works for both our needs. Bottomline: experiment.

Kegel is also a must for both of you.

__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

caterpillar79

* don't feel intimacy with the doggie...

__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

Hopeless Dork

Kegals do help, but approaching the topic would be near impossible without hurting her feelings. She already is feeling inadequate. The do, however, WORK. Oh they do! When me and my boyfriend first started having sex, I would get so wet and he has a large penis but still it felt to me , like i wasn't providing him with the friction I should be. Even though I thought at first being so wet was the problem I realized there must be something else causing the lack of friction. It was obviously not his penis as its quite endowed.

It through me off, because I had everything so backwards. I hadn't had sex in a very long time before him so I assumed I would be naturally tighter there... Not so. I wasn't exercising those muscles so they weren't conditioned to squeeze on him like they should be.

I started doing kegals at all traffic lights any red light... kegals. The improvement was almost immediate but has bettered over time... now when he enters me I can squeeze him so tight in any position and the sex is so much better for me and I assume for him too.

However if he had told me initially, hey try some kegals, I would have curled into a ball and cried all night. Maybe the ladies here have some suggestions on how you can approach that topic or run into it incidentally that could help spark that idea to do it on her own.

If you can only orgasm behind her, she never gets to look into your eyes as you orgasm and that is a pretty nice moment of intimacy for a lot of women. Like WC suggested , there are positions in missionary that can reproduce the feeling of her being on her stomach, legs over your shoulders or over her head being a few.

That doesn't mean you can't still do it the other way, if its more friction for you on her tummy - trust that its more friction for her as well and probably feels a lot better for her too.

Since she can't see your face like that, your going to have to use words to let her know you are right there with her while you are back there. Like caterpiller suggested, lean in close kiss her neck, bite her shoulder gently, make her feel like its her your having sex with. I think sometimes intimacy is lost in doggy since we can't see you. If your also physically apart during the penetration it could be anything back there... remind her its you.

99% of the time, my boyfriend achieves orgasm easily through oral or any sex position but occasionally (rarely) after a night of heavy drinking or very stressful day ...while pleasing me numerous times , we don't seem to be able to finish him off. I USE TO take it increddibly personal , thinking I didn't excite him enough to make him pop his top.

But after becoming more secure with him in general I never let something like that get to me. I don't orgasm each and every single time we do it, most times yes sometimes I just can't free my mind enough... and that doesn't make me blame him, and its not anything he is doing wrong... so once I was able to see that guys sometimes experience that too I didn't let it make me feel inadequate.

__________________
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My Lovely Whats...That's What.

jonnie_rocks

Thank you all for your advice!

Being "old fashioned" (whatever that means), I am forever telling her, regardless of position, how much I love her, how sexy she is, how amazing she makes me feel, how incredible our lovemaking is, etc.

As far as when I'm doing her from behind, I lay on top of her with support from my upper arms and elbows so our bodies are in nearly full contact.

As her lover, I am very in tune with her needs and bringing her as much physically intimate joy as possible. Unlike past lovers, I always put her first and enjoy giving her tons of foreplay, oral, etc. It's not about ME, it's about her! I get tremendous joy (mental orgasm) out of driving her crazy (so to speak) sexually and helping her reach multiple orgasms (6 or 7 is not uncommon) when we make love.

I am always trying to become a better lover and be able to provide for more of her needs, wants, desires.

I am not one of those "man on top get it over with quick types". I LOVE all that lovemaking is and how much time it takes. To me, lovemaking is an event, not an act (like sex) and I LOVE it.

I am just baffled by the "lack of emotional connection" that she feels we have.

Kegals are another thing that have been openly discussed and we are working to strengthen them everyday.

Please keep the advice coming, as I believe that many heads are better than one.

Have a safe and happy 4th!

GOD bless America!

WildChild

Well you are about 1 in a billion. She's a lucky lady.

caterpillar79

Wow, looks like you have done all you can, but she still needs more. Have you aksed her to give you an example, like citing a situation and how she prefers it to be so as to be more connected?

__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

jonnie_rocks

WC - No, I don't see myself as 1 in a billion. Rather just another average guy trying to do everything I can to please my lady. To me, there is no better feeling (that lasts more than a mintue or two) than pleasing my partner over and over again when intimate.

Caterpillar79 - Unfortunately, she didn't share this feeling with me until after we broke up (May 3) and then she only siad it in the context of "we're not emotinally attached like me and my previous boyfriend were during intimacy".

This breakup has given me the opportunity to examine what else I could possibly be doing....especially during intimacy....to be more emotionally attached.

When we make love, I hold her face and kiss her, tell her how much I love her, nuzzle her neck, look into her eyes, close my eyes, kiss her deeply and passionately, cuddle and embrace her afterwards (where we often fall asleep together in each other's arms).

Keep the thoughts, ideas and feedback coming. Many heads are better than mine!

WildChild

In my experience, very few men do much of any of this and even if they start off that caring, they don't continue it for long.