lilypad

Hi there

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and we had a very good sex life, he constantly wanted to have sex and told me he is having the best sex of his life with me. We get on well and we are very attracted to one another.

I recently came off the pill 6 months ago because i kept getting headaches and felt the pill was affecting it, as soon as i went off the pill my headaches went so I want to stay off it now.

This did not worry my boyfriend and sex carried on as normal, we do the withdrawl method i know it sounds silly but he is very disaplined and i take a herbal supplement that apparently helps as a natural contraceptive..and also work out my fertile days

Anyway over the last few months he has stopped being interested in sex, and never intiates it. He still likes looking a porn and I have noticed he is paying a lot more attention to girls when we are out when he did not previously..maybe i'm just paranoid.

We had sex a few nights ago and we had the light on and as we changed position and i led on my back he stood up to go from behind and he lost his erection, now this happened once before and i got upset and tried to not show it but i did and he noticed and apologised.

the other night he just started to kiss me hoping i would not notice e had lost his erection, and i said what happened and he said that sometimes when he hasn't had sex for a while and he has sex he feels like coming straight away but when he holds back he loses his erection at times, he explained it to me but i went cold and he could feel it, anyway he got it back and we finished sex...i didn't want to make him feel bad but i am sensitive and he could tell i was a bit upset.

I now think maybe our problem was that i make him feel worthless when he loses his erection, or maybe he is scared i may fall pregnant (even though he said he does want children with me) or that he is bored of me.

I take it very personally because i have always been with men that are very attracted to me and enjoyed a great sex life with my past two boyfriends.

Any tips what i can do or what might be the problem?

MrPleazr

Honestly, for men, having to pull out is no fun at all. He may tell you that he's OK with it, but I promise you that he would rather not. Have you considered another method of birth control? All most all methods are more reliable than pulling out. I would suggest condoms....

I would start off by talking to him about it. Ask him to be honest about how he feels about pulling out....It sounds like he wants to make you happy.

amaranthine

He definitely does not want to pull out. The finish is important, and pulling out takes the edge off for men. Why not try talking to your gyn about a different pill that won't give you headaches? Why not use condoms or spermicidal lube? There are many, many options out there better than pulling out. Why not ask about the ring, or injection method?

Also, try to add something new and exciting. I had a small problem with my boyfriend a little while ago, but it turned out most of it was stress.
Regardless, we found lots of other things to keep it interesting. Instead of coming over all the time, I would sometimes stay at home and show him little snips of me over the webcam. My boyfriend says it's like watching porn that he actually gets to sleep with, and it's a big turn on for him. Let him think about what he wants and sleep on it before letting him have it.

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