Can't last long - Seems like my GF has given up on me!

**James Bond** · 07-08-2009 01:36 AM

So I can't seem to last long at all when having sex with my GF. 1-2 mins tops and i'm done. I feel like my GF is giving up hope. See won't let me go down on her (says its nasty, she's embarrassed that she gets very wet. I couldn't care less), doesn't allow me to do any foreplay. And when i'm about to climax, I try to slow down or pull out for a second, she will literally yell in frusteration for me to keep going and finish. To me all signs pointing to giving up. Just wants me to do my and be done. Obviously not a situation that'll help my problem. To make things worse, we only have sex about 1-2 times every two weeks. So i'm always super horny.

So what can I do? Ideally, i'd love to start slow, have 15-20 minutes or more of foreplay and then sex. What can I do to get my girl into foreplay?

Even with that, how can I last longer during actual sex? For me, it's either all or nothing. Meaning, i'm either very horny and cum right away or not horny and don't stay hard. How do I find that middle controlled ground, where i'm aroused, but not ready to explode?

Also wondering how to ejaculate multiple times? Any tips?

I'm a very giving person. I'd gladly give up my pleasure so she gets hers. tongue, fingers, vibs, i'm up for anything to get her off, but she won't have any of it. I feel like I know several things that'll help (foreplay, stopping before coming, slowing down the process, more frequent sex), but I get shot down on all fronts.

Don't know what to do...

**Iseulda** · 07-08-2009 03:58 AM

I'm sorry your girl's not into helping you on this. This is going to be a lot more difficult without her help. You need to talk to her. Try to get her to explain why she thinks oral is nasty, why she doesn't want foreplay. Is she from a very conservative background perhaps?

Communication is key to you two working on this together.

In the meantime I have a few ideas for you that mainly center around masturbation. Do you masturbate? If you don't, you should - ejaculation once a week or less is less than a man needs to keep his downstairs plumbing in good shape. You should ejaculate at least once every 3-4 days, though I personally recommend once a day, because it is good for relaxation too.

I'm guessing, though, that you do masturbate, most of us do, and that it isn't helping. Try masturbating more often, it may take away some of the tension that causes you to be so horny when sex does actually happen.

My first proper suggestion is a thing called 'edging'. When masturbating do it slowly, bring yourself near the point of climax slowly - I'm sure you know that point, just before orgasm becomes unstoppable - well bring yourself to that point and stop. Don't let yourself ejaculate. Wait a minute, or 5, or even 10, then start again. Again, get to that point just before you orgasm and stop. Wait again, start again and this time allow yourself to finish. Practise this daily, slowly increasing the number of times you stop yourself, after a few days try to leave the point of stopping a little later. Eventually you should try to not stop stimulating yourself when you feel you are going to orgasm, reduce the stimulation (speed, grip) until you can control it. This will teach you to control your orgasm during sex and most men I know who practise this have much more intense orgasms when they do 'release'. Try a search on 'edging' to get more tips and info.

My second suggestion is kegels. This is exercising the pubococcygeus muscles (PC) muscles. PC muscles control the flow of semen and urine, the firmness of your penis during erection and the shooting power of your ejaculation. Next time you are peeing stop yourself. Those muscles you clench to do that also control the flow of semen and a 'kegel' is basically clenching that muscle. Do a search on 'kegels for men' for more detailed info.

My final suggestion is a penis ring. (more commonly referred to using the word for penis that is also the work for a male chicken but that will auto-edit if I type it here

) A penis ring can help maintain an erection and delay ejaculation. Again - I suggest you search for more specific info.

Best of luck - and do keep trying to talk to your girl about this. Explain how important it is to you to have a healthy, happy sex like that satisfies both of you. Tell her that there is nothing disgusting or unlovely about any of her body parts of functions and that you love and desire her as a whole, exactly as she is. You sound like you know this already, but when you talk to her try not to nag, try to say things positively rather than negatively - avoid 'you don't...', 'why can't you...', 'you should...' and 'you shouldn't...' and try more 'wouldn't it nice if we could...', 'I love it if you would...' - stuff like that.

**WildChild** · 07-08-2009 08:19 AM

IT doesn't sound like she is much into sex. Getting wet is important, why wouldn't she want to be? Not wanting foreplay occasionally is fine, sometimes we women are just horny as all get out and just want it now. But to never want it and to want you to finish quickly sounds like she just wants it to be over with?

Talk to her. Explain that you want to pleasure her and to last longer.

**Joy** · 07-08-2009 09:52 AM

I think she needs to get over the mental its "nasty" I don't know who told her that and put that in her head but that is a sexual inhibition she has to let go of or atleast try.

maybe she needs to connect with you on a more sensual level. Massages where you are making her whole body feel good. Then you do the lil tricks as you massage... your hot breath on the back of her neck. Find her trigger points that send her wild and crazy.

**OhThereYouAre** · 07-08-2009 10:22 AM

Man....it sucks if you really like her. I bet its driving you nuts.

I had a girlfriend like that back in the day.

Catholic girl with no interest in sex....didn't masturbate, etc etc.

I couldn't change her. My guess is it will probably be tough to change yours as well.

I tell you what, though....you get her to pop off and she'll be on your 24/7.

**James Bond** · 07-08-2009 01:06 PM

Thanks for the replies.

The thing that brings me back to her 'giving up' is when we first met, she was all over me and commented she was a nympho. And now it's the opposite. So in my mind because sex has never been good, she's given up hope that it ever will be and wants to get by with as little as possible.

So I know she craves sex in general, but not so much from me anymore I guess.

Guess I need to talk it out. I know with practice and her on board with making things better they will improve. I just gotta get her to help me out.

Do you think I should spontaneously give her oral without asking? Or would that be bad? I know she'll like it, just needs to get over her insecurities about it.

Any tips about multiple ejaculation? I read about people who go 2-3 times in a session. For me, I go and my penis gets very sensitive and goes limp.

**WildChild** · 07-08-2009 01:17 PM

There are women who are sexual early in a relationship as a means of secuing a man's interest I guess (it may not be that conscious) but once the man's affection seems secure they back off because they weren't really into sex in the first place. There are men show do the same thing, very affectionate and attentive at first,then just back off onve the woman is emotionally attached. It's not very nice for anyone.

**OhThereYouAre** · 07-08-2009 01:56 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

There are women who are sexual early in a relationship as a means of secuing a man's interest I guess. There are men that do the same thing, very affectionate and attentive at first,then just back off when a woman is emotionally attached. It's not very nice for anyone.

Completely agree. It's not good for anyone.

**MrPleazr** · 07-08-2009 09:59 PM

It sounds like you've got some work ahead of you and others have given some excellent advice.

Try masturbating, or better yet, getting her to give you a BJ at least an hour before you expect to have sex. This should also help you last much longer. The 2nd go around usually lasts much longs, but some men totally get out of the mood after that first pop. Try it, I think it will help... Another option is using a condom, especially the Trojan Extendz (I think that's the name) which has a small amount of desensitizing lube inside, I understand they work well.

Ejaculating 2-3 times a session is probably not as common, for men, as you may think. It's rare for me, mainly because I don't have the desire to. I put the first one off, while I get her off 2,3,4-10 times, then I get her worked up again and we cum together.

For me, the foreplay is the best part. It's not uncommon for us to spend an hour or more on foreplay in some form or fashion...of course that's only when the kids are away. We will shower together, washing each others bodies and hair. Put lotion on each other, I've even shaved her naughty bits (that happens to be my favorite, although she gets a little nervous about it, lol) We may watch a dirty movie together, oddly enough we generally enjoy the same types of porn, while she sits or cuddles with me. We have this long feather that I will tickle her with...Massages with warming oils that focus on ALL of her trigger points, which I've found by doing these massages. I've learned how to make her orgasm without so much as touching her between her legs, but it's a process and takes time. I've also figured out how to make her orgasm with nipple play, she's very sensitive....nibbling her ear lobes will also nearly send her over the edge.....It's great fun, I get excited just talking about it....She finally gets to a point that she absolutely has to have me inside her, usually by then, she can't go 1-2 minutes without a toe curling orgasm....It's taken years to get my wife to a point where she'll allow me to do these things, but I've kinda created a monster because a quicky is pretty rare, but as long as they aren't TOO quick she still likes them...

I wish I could give you the answer, but don't give up and don't let her give up. Talk to her, make sure she knows how badly you want to please her....

**WildChild** · 07-08-2009 10:35 PM

So, can we just clone you?

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