Thread: Is my freshman 15 killing his sex drive?

So last year after starting college I had the misfortune of gaining some weight. (They just had to put me in the dorm right next to the dining hall!) And it wasn't until this summer that I realized just how far I had let myself go. I've been working really hard dieting and working out three times a week in order to drop the weight, but it doesn't seem to be working.

This unfortunately began to coincide with my boyfriend suddenly being unable to perform in bed. He blames it on his high stress level creating performance anxiety. So initially I believed him, and I tried to help him work through it. But now it seems like his "performance anxiety" only comes around when the lights are on... or we are in a face-to-face position. He doesn't seem to have any problem having sex when he can't see my body. I know it's not his low self esteem either, because he's dropped 20lbs in the last six months!!! (On the very effective, "I'm too poor to afford food" diet)

He's a sweet guy, and he'd NEVER tell me if this was the real problem. I know that if I confronted him about it, he'd tell me I was being silly. Still, all signs point to yes. I'm not the person he fell in love with five years ago! I was 14 and 125 lbs when he met me.... now I'm almost 20 and 155lbs!!!! I've thought about taking laxatives in order to loose weight faster, but as someone going to school to become a psychiatrist an eating disorder doesn't look too great on a resume'. Not to mention I'm not to thrilled at the prospect of having my colon removed.

It's driving me into deep feelings of inadequacy. Last night I felt like canceling my 20th birthday party, because I was convinced no one wanted to come to a fat girl's party. I'm pretty sure I'm still going to cancel it... because I'm acting like a deranged lunatic. The root of all these crazy feelings is coming from my inability to please him.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm on the verge of ending my fantastic five year relationship because of problems that probably don't even exist. PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I DO SOMETHING STUPID!

Look hun 30 lbs isin't the end of the world. If he loves you at 125 lbs he will still love you at 155lbs. You might feel less attractive and all but beleive me stress does do a lot. He might even have performing anxiety. When face to face you can see him, look into his eyes and with the lights off you can't,. He feels confortable. From behind it is still the same. He can't see your face, your eyes. You can't see him. Talk to him about it. You guys have been together for 5 years. Do not let 30 lbs get into the way of your relationship. Talk it out. Communication is the key.

if you really want to lose weight u need to work out more than 3 times week( more like everday).

all you can do is have some self control , eat healthy, and work out more. Laxatives might work..... for as long as you take them. Then once you stop them you will gain the weight back and possibly double. Read about Yo Yo Dieting.

Make a commitment to yourself right now that you want to live a healthy life and make exercise part of your daily life. Sounds like if your bf is under so much stress he could use some exercise too. It will help decrease the anxiety levels for him.

In a few weeks, months and years you will thank yourself.

good luck!

Not to mention, if he's lost 20lbs on the "too poor to eat program" that also means he's probably not getting the nutrition he needs, which will slow things down in the bedroom...

Don't sweat it, 30lbs is nothing... If he was THAT concerned about it, he would be showing in other aspects of your relationship first. Honestly, he's too young and naturally horny to let a couple extra pounds stop him. Stress and nutrition are far more likely culprits... Like mentioned above, spice it up a bit, you'll see!!!

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

I think it might just be time to spice it up on him a bit. 5 years is a long time.

Is he on antidepressants or consuming alcohol?

Try doing something out of character, maybe some naughty little thing he's hinted at in the past that he might like.

Is he treating you the same as always besides the having difficulties lately with sex?

Spice... has never been an issue. We manage to keep it interesting. We are both very creative, and very open. Any fantasy he has, he can just ask and we'll do it. Same for me.

Nope, not on antidepressants, and he's allergic to alcohol.

He has always treated me fantastic in and out of the bedroom. He is my best friend first, and my boyfriend second. We have a lot of fun together, and he has always been 100% supportive of me.

Originally Posted by MrPleazr

Not to mention, if he's lost 20lbs on the "too poor to eat program" that also means he's probably not getting the nutrition he needs, which will slow things down in the bedroom...

Don't sweat it, 30lbs is nothing... If he was THAT concerned about it, he would be showing in other aspects of your relationship first. Honestly, he's too young and naturally horny to let a couple extra pounds stop him. Stress and nutrition are far more likely culprits... Like mentioned above, spice it up a bit, you'll see!!!

Sorry sir, but 30 lbs is quite a large increase, especially for someone that weighed 125 before. That is a 25% increase in weight.

I also disagree about the "too naturally horny" to let a couple extra pounds stop him. It's summer time, and there are half naked girls everywhere. I'm sure he's got many options available to him. However, he sounds like a decent kid.

To the OP:

Lose the weight. Not only is it upsetting yourself, you also suspect it is upsetting your guy. You've recognized the problem, now fix it.

You have to make an effort to do this....I have a writeup on it in the losing weight part of the forum. Unfortunately not many people have cared to read it, though it works wonders.

I hope you'll get a look. Best of luck sweetie, we are all rooting for you.

College men are among the most catty people on the planet.

there are hundreds or thousands of scantly clad girls all over the place who find that drinking beer and hooking up are normal functions of college.

While you may have gained weight during this period, I highly doubt that it really is the main reason he is not as sexually active.