Thread: Having trouble 'getting it up'

Hey loafer,

I can give you a girl's point of view on this. Hopefully some guys will post on here, and give more answers.

First off, I would like to say that you're putting too much stress on yourself. You said that you get nervous, and that's when you cannot get a hard on. Stress & nerves will do that every time.

Sex is supposed to be an enjoyable experience. I understand that this is new, and understandably you're going to have concerns, but generally you're going about this the wrong way.

To get yourself more comfortable, you should take it slow. Pleasure her, and take your time. This is a getting to know each other time for both of you. Find out where she likes to be kissed, rubbed, etc..

But then there also has to be time to pleasure you as well. This is a partnership, & if you don't feel like you're getting equal time, then you need to seriously sit her down, and ask her what's going on?

She may know that you're really nervous, and may not want to make it worse for you. I don't know. But She needs to get some satisfaction from this partnership, and so do you. You both deserve it.

So just communicate your needs, listen to hers, and take it slow. This is a wonderful experience of getting to know each other. Stop, & savour the moment! And relax...

Originally Posted by Tina Lee

To get yourself more comfortable, you should take it slow. Pleasure her, and take your time. This is a getting to know each other time for both of you. Find out where she likes to be kissed, rubbed, etc..

Well.. you see, I know nearly everything about her.. I know what she likes, I know her G-spots, I know what makes her tick and I know how to treat her. I really have explored her alot, I play with her alot and I always show her sexual love.. (as well as passionate love)..

So maybe the problem doesnt lie with us getting comfortable with each other, but, maybe with her getting comfortable with me? Or showing me a little bit more love in the bedroom?

I dunno, would love to hear from some guys this sorta thing may have happened too.

ok, first off 99.9% of sex begins in the brain..seriously! If you are worried about whether she's going to want to perform then it's no wonder that you are having a bit of trouble in the arousal dept...making love is no fun when your partner is an immobile log.

you need to get to the bottom of her unwillingness to reciprocate..perhaps she doesn't want to put undue stress on you OR perhaps her interest has waned. either way, you need to get to the bottom of it.

Well I'm trying to get around the nervous part..

Little story: Back a few years ago I used to race ATV's.. (quad bikes).. and always at the starting line.. I would be so nervous, my whole body would be shaking, and my dad would always come up and tell me to breathe, and hed give me a shake and that always helped..

Though its not like I can just stand up infront off my girlfriend and just start jumping about, trying to shake off the nervousness.. I try to breathe.. Or I'd try and think about sex or something that would get me arroused. But nothing works.. The other night when we had sex, I was in the nervous posistion again.. And I was trying to get myself a hard on but it wasnt really working, so I had to ask my girlfriend if she could give me a little bit off help.. She said.. "what do you want me to do?" in my mind I was thinking like.. Well, what else would you do in this kinda situation?

But I said to her, well could you play with me or rub me or something please.. So she started rubbing me but.. There was no enthusiasm or anything, no real intamicy.. She literally just done it, with no expression.. no nothing, I remember looking to her and it looked to me like she rolled her eyes.. it was as if she was bored as rubbing me.. It really wasnt nice..

But anyway.. Like I said, I talked to her about why she wouldnt do anything last night.. And she basically said it was because I was acting too desperate, and then that puts her off wanting to do anything to me..

But, should I need to act desperate, should I need to ask her to do things? I mean I thought once your relationship hits a sexual stage, these things are ment to happen naturally, I shouldnt need to ask.. It's kinda common sense I think.. The only reason I'm having to ask her for things now is because off the lack off things I've been getting, anyone would be the same I think..

Here is another perspective too. While not getting hard, for a guy is embarassing and all that - for a girl it can be crushing too. It feels like you are not sexy enough to turn the guy on (even if that isn't the case.

Once in a while is something a girl handles ok but when a guy is consistantly having trouble with arrousal it can really injure a girls self esteem and may put her off trying to please you because she doesn't want to feel bad if unable to excite you.

Its not ur fault or hers when erection problems happen but do comfort her do let her know how hot and desirable she is - and that it feels good when she touches you- hard on or not.

This will take the pressure off both of you and when that's gone you will probably lose the problem.

Also while you are pleasuring her keep staying in the moment - being turned on by what u r doing - her look and sounds , the feel of everything.

Make a woman feel loved, wanted and desired and she will reward you beyond ur wildest dreams in most cases.

Yea I've actually tried to see it from that perspective.. I'm pretty sure the first time it happened, I could maybe understand that she maybe did feel like that..

But during the whole time we've been dating, I always remind her of how beautiful she is to me, how sexy her body is, how much she means too me, and she knows how much it means too me when we get intimate. Infact we have actually had a few arguments because off her disagreeing with me when I tell her how good she looks or how sexy her body is.. honestly. I can't find one part off her body that honestly doesnt excite me, and she knows that..

Though I'll ask her how she felt about the first time it happened and see if that caused a knock on effect with her trying to excite me in the future.. But I do doubt thats the reason.. I'm always the one who gets depressed after I can't get a hard on, she doesnt really seem to mind she just says not to worry about it.. Theres no signs of anything that would make her think its her fault.. But then again I havent always been known for being correct..