Thread: Confused male person

I googled something weird and found this forum with all these women talking about how they didn't get enough sex and, its probably atypical, but it confused me.

I'm 24 (male if you didn't get that) and I'm just crazy and confused totally about women. I haven't had sex myself now in maybe three years. I haven't had good sex in maybe four. So here's personal history and you can tell me what you think or what I'm wrong about or maybe it will give you the sense of a male perspective, even if atypical. Or you can kick me off these forums for being male. But I'm going to give it a try.

The first girl, call her "C", I loved, I loved absolutely. I liked being with her, I wanted to do things with her all the time, and we had sex constantly. I went down on her, we 69ed which I liked, we did all kinds of things. We told each other we loved each other, she said it first. And I had just graduated college and I remember thinking "well thank god, I got this figured out, I don't have to worry about finding a girlfriend anymore". There were some light drugs involved, but I felt like it meant something.

She decided to go on a dating service and cheat on me with many different men and women. She mentioned something about maybe wanting to try being bisexual but definitely liked sex with men still. At the time I remember saying something like, well, that's maybe okay, but I don't want to know about it, I don't remember exactly what I said but I tried to give her the impression that either I wasn't comfortable with her dating other people or I was only somewhat comfortable with her dating only other women. But before I knew it, it liked slipped out in conversation that she had been sleeping with a lot of different men and women.

But so whatever, she completely broke my heart. After crying about it for a year, I decide to get out there and make a fresh start. I end up falling back in with the girl who took my virginity, call her "J", who was kind of a I guess. She was the only girl who I'm sure had an orgasm with me. I want to believe that the one I loved did, "C", but she was able to lie to me about everything else so maybe she lied to me about that too. Who knows. But so "J", right after she climaxed, she would lose all interest in sex. She'd say something like "I wonder what's on at the movies" or "mmm... I'd really like some chocolate covered pretzels". And I think one time I mentioned it and she might have said something like "well you can keep going". But I think it ended up being that I just sort of stopped carrying, like it was sex even if I didn't always climax. There were light drugs involved here also, less, but so I didn't really feel like I had to "get off". I went down on her from time to time. Once with a vibrator which she liked a lot. Eventually I got her to go down on me once. She got pissed at me for climaxing and spit it up all over me. A few days later, I think she felt bad about it because she tried to go down on me again but I couldn't climax. After this, I guess she felt like she had done her duty or something and never tried again. Personally, I felt like this girl encouraged me sometimes in my professional life and that felt really nice, but besides that we didn't really connect. She was really overbearing and a lot of things with her felt kind of weird. Like we'd go out to eat and I'd feel like... well the reason I got back together with her originally is because I wanted to feel wanted after the other girl hurt me so badly, so I guess this was just like I was her "boy toy", her words. Eventually we broke up but I couldn't find anyone for a long time and we occasionally spent a weekend together here and there but it was sort of unpleasant.

The last girl, "L", was this ex heroin addict, very young, I sort of wondered sometimes if she was lying or if she was actually a virgin. Most of the time I felt like I wasn't dating her, but the rehab program she went to. She was smarter than "J" but not than "C", which was part of why I liked "C" so much. But so "L" seemed to want me to have sex with her, but never seemed into it. She told me that she couldn't climax from penetration and that it didn't matter, because she could just get herself off whenever she wanted to. She didn't do any drugs and she wouldn't allow me to do drugs either, which is fine, I didn't really care about that so much. But I think I really wanted to please her or something, like I wanted her to get off and when she said she couldn't, that was really difficult for me. She said she asked her friend about it and her friend said it was normal, which was a little embarrassing for me. But I think partly I felt like orgasms are mostly in the mind so if she had a mental block like that, then that was it, she was never going to climax with me no matter what I did, and so I wanted to somehow get her past that, and I tried writing to her about it, but it just wasn't happening. I went down on her some, but often she didn't want me too. She went down on me once. She still wanted to have sex, but I feel like it was just because she wanted to be wanted, wanted me to think she was attractive, I don't think she enjoyed it. I asked her one time if she liked it or not and she said something like "well do you want me to lie and make noise like all the other girls, that's all they're doing is lying". I told her I loved her once, I wanted there to be something between us like that and I thought that might bring our relationship somewhere. She refused to say she loved me, kind of somewhat coyly but also like... I guess like she didn't really care or something. I think she hadn't dated anyone for a while after getting out of the rehab program, so maybe I was like her rebound for that or something. Anyway, a few days later I decided to break up with her because I thought, she doesn't love me, this isn't going anywhere, she doesn't like the sex and so I don't like the sex, etc. etc.. She cried a lot when I broke up with her, and she left the place where we were and then waited for me elsewhere and I tried to comfort her but I felt bad about the whole thing. A few days after this, I got back together with her. It was partly because I did love her, and partly because I felt guilty and partly because I was lonely. But I think in the end it was a bad idea.

She said some weird things to me over the course of our relationship: one time she said that she couldn't go into bars, I was 21 or 22 I think, I think she told me she was like 18 or 19 and heroin addiction and rehab, I mean how young can you be. And she was smart too, she had written articles for some magazine. But so she says that she's actually 15 one night. And I get freaked out about this because for obvious reasons. She doesn't look 15 but I guess girls always look older. But so she plays this game with me, like trying to scare me about what age she is. I think later I see her license and she's 17.

She's pretty, she has a beautiful face but her body is more cute than feminine. I care mainly about her enjoyment and her mind, I was lonely and I wanted someone to talk to, that's mainly why I started dating her. We met when I was sitting in the park, writing, and she sat right in front of me and talked on her cell phone, and I knew she wanted me to notice her so I did. It turned out she worked at a nearby bookstore and we liked the same books. Later I think she got fired for negligence and went to work at a sex shop. Selling dildos and edible underwear for the stoned hassids who owned the place. I always wanted to write with her. She wanted to be a writer, and I wanted to write together and she would refuse to even very early in our relationship and I never knew why. She said "well I would just change all of this".

She was upset by my acne, she said it embarrassed her in front of her friends and so she found someone for me to see who didn't actually help it. But then she said this other weird thing on the subway one day: she said "I look like a fourteen year old boy, do you like to fourteen year old boys?" And it was just so weird... but like I got the feeling that she was insecure about her body or something. I assumed that doing heroin at a young age had stilted her growth in certain ways that are important to young women. But her face was so pretty and I thought she was smart, like I said, so I didn't care. I don't think I ever gave the impression that I wasn't attracted to her. But what she said was just... I didn't know know what to say and there's all these people around on the subway and I used to be more private or something.

She was sometimes kind of cruel to me, and also after we broke up again. I don't know, writing all this out, it seems like she had her own problems and that really had nothing to do with me.

But then there's a bunch of other girls that I didn't have relationships with but just dated for a day or two and it was always so weird. I remember one girl I liked, she gave me her phone number, I didn't even have to ask. But then when I called she was like "who" "I'll call you back" and then didn't. Another girl, I really liked a lot, but we didn't understand each other... that happened a lot. It was like I couldn't really... things just didn't work out. The signals were always crossed. The situation was always wrong, there was always some one else there who didn't want it to happen. And if not, then it was like... getting into a relationship for other people seems natural. For me, it was like trying to do a back flip on the roof of a moving car. I mean that's the part that's atypical about me I guess.

Thinking about all this just makes me feel miserable.

But so I guess I'm just sort of done with women. I have no idea why I wrote this.

Its just all weird, reading a few posts about women desperate for sex and not wanting to cheat on their husbands. And in my experience, women cheat without any regard for their partner or their relationship and don't seem to enjoy sex or lie about enjoying it. As far as I can tell, men are supposed to have sex out of anger and frustration and women are supposed to do it because they want to feel wanted and protected.

Its probably really stupid for me to post this here. You all are probably from a different generation. I think I'm supposed to be from the "free sex" generation, but I never was part of that. So I feel like I'm almost 25 now, and I've had miserable relationships across the board. The more deeply in love I was, the more I got burned. And I feel like I just had everything wrong all along. I was never supposed to love the woman, I was just supposed to treat her a little badly and enjoy myself, not to think about her or something. I don't get it. But I feel like by the time I get it, by the time I get out of the rut my life is in, I'm going to be too old to have a relationship anyway. I've missed the prime of my life.

I don't even know why I still think about it anymore. I miss them all, each of the girls I was with or met, I sort of... but whatever.

I remember I was at this after party for something when I was 21 or maybe 22, and I was with these people and two were a couple, and I was talking to the guy and he was 24, and eventually I think my happy mask fell and I was drunk and I mentioned something about my life not working out or being lonely... and he was apparently happy in his relationship and he was 24 and he was like "give it time, it will work out"... well I'm nearly 25. It didn't work out.

I think I googled the phrase "desperate for sex" that's how I found this forum. The stickied thread: "My Sex Drive is Too High!" Life is a miserable joke.