Thread: I don't find my husband attractive anymore

Hi,

I have common problem too. I don;t know what to do.Please helppp!!

I've been married to my husband for 10 years and we have 4 year old daughter. Our marrigage looks perfect from outside but not inside. I've not attracted to him especially after having our daughter. He's my best friend, he loves me and I love him but that's it. We are like roommates. No excitement whatsoever. Sex is the worst sex I have ever had. He doesn't like to try new things. I guess he thinks I get excited with kissing. When we have sex, he doesn't go down on me and he's never done that before. It's weird but true. I do everything he like to him even though he doesnt do that. After 10 years of marriage, finally he just started taking a shower with me sometimes. He used to refuse that before. He even never touches that!! area. Last week, when I said I want to get a dildo (for add some excitement to our sex!! life) his response was " are you kidding me? He finds me very attractive and tells me all the time and I feel sexy but I don't want to have sex with him anymore. If I have a chance, I would live with him without having sex. He makes me feel like 70 years old. Don't think I'm selfish. As I said, I do everything he likes when we have sex. Sometimes I think about leaving him. I don't want to spend my entire life like this. I think he has some confidence issues. We have sex always lights turned off too. He never walks around naked. He put towel around him. Arghhh..Help please.What shouls I do? Of course I love him and don't want to leave him but I can't live like this anymore. Oh by the way, he blames me all the time that I'm frigid. Finally I got a vibrator and I feel happier but he doesn't know that. I tried to talk about this problem before but he still thinks I have a problem. Helpppp!!!Thank you.

Have you guys thought about going for counselling....? It just might be the key. When you did talk did you tell him how you felt? Or did you go arroudn the bushes.

So is the problem that you don't want to have sex with him? Or is the problem he doesn't want to satisfy you when you do have sex?


Think -
Do you really want to sneak around for the rest of your life? You're lying to your husband of 10 years. How would you feel if you came across a stash of porn on his computer or in his closet? What about a pocket vagina in his nighstand?

Confront him with this and lay down the law. If he refuses, he knows the consequences.

And I re-read that.

Since he calls you frigid, and since you don't want to have sex with him, I'm sure a lot of the problem is you refusing his advances.

You're having sex with a motorized object in lieu of him.

How do you think that makes him feel? Probably pretty badly. Maybe that's why he is scared to touch you there, or to walk around naked, or to take a shower with you? He probably thinks there is something wrong with him.

Originally Posted by OhThereYouAre

And I re-read that.

Since he calls you frigid, and since you don't want to have sex with him, I'm sure a lot of the problem is you refusing his advances.

You're having sex with a motorized object in lieu of him.

How do you think that makes him feel? Probably pretty badly. Maybe that's why he is scared to touch you there, or to walk around naked, or to take a shower with you? He probably thinks there is something wrong with him.

hi,

mine started just new,i mean after the baby but we're having this problem for 10 years at least on my side.he thinks we don't have any problem but i'm sick of kissing and try to orgasm with kisses.we've talked about this million times but he doesn't get it.he had never taken a shower with me or never goes down on me since we got married.we didn't have any problems at that time.i don't have too much experience.we're coming from different culture so i didn't have sex before i got married except my husband.he didnt have too much experience either.anyway.he tells me that i'm frigid because i don't want to have sex all the time but of course i do and when i do i get orgasm too i never fake. but he doesn't accept that women don't get excited just kissing.when i have asked why he goes down on me he said "he doesn't like it". i don't know maybe not every guy has to like it.maybe i'm wrong.

I'm going to have to agree with some of the points that OTYA made. How would you feel if the situation was reversed? Wouldn't you want your husband to try to make things better, suggest counseling or something instead of hiding and running around behind his back? What if this leads to cheating? It's not just about you and your husband but your child as well. Take yourself outside of the situation, if you have to, imagine a friend in the same position, what would you tell her/him?

It's very difficult to be intimate with someone you're not attracted to. Not every relationship is going to work.

For your own sanity, leaving him might be the best option. But that doesn't mean go hire a divorce lawyer right away, either.

Try counseling first. Try to re-ignite that spark. But if nothing happens for the better, you might be better off leaving and finding someone else.

OG

Originally Posted by edisky

anyway.he tells me that i'm frigid because i don't want to have sex all the time

That's what I thought. But what puzzles me is that you went and bought a vibrator. You don't want to have sex with him, but you do want to use something else? How do you think that makes him feel?

Originally Posted by edisky

but of course i do

I thought the whole point of your post was that you DIDN"T want to.

Originally Posted by edisky

and when i do i get orgasm too i never fake.

So he IS sexually satisfying you.

I dunno from what you are saying, the problem lies in that you don't find him attractive anymore and that you would rather fulfill your needs on your own.

You can't blame him for not wanting to go down on you. Some women don't like giving head.

Has he put on weight? Has he altered his appearance? If you still have a sex drive, it doesn't have to do with having a child.

Counseling, my dear. Counseling.

Originally Posted by OG612

It's very difficult to be intimate with someone you're not attracted to. Not every relationship is going to work.

For your own sanity, leaving him might be the best option. But that doesn't mean go hire a divorce lawyer right away, either.

Try counseling first. Try to re-ignite that spark. But if nothing happens for the better, you might be better off leaving and finding someone else.

OG

Agreed.
But for the love of God...for the sake of your child, exhaust all options before you make a decision.

Originally Posted by Chantalemma

Have you guys thought about going for counselling....? It just might be the key. When you did talk did you tell him how you felt? Or did you go arroudn the bushes.

yes i've offered him i think 2 years ago.he said we didn't need it we could solve by ourselves if we had any problem