Thread: Ask us men anything - we'll tell you straight up

Originally Posted by anonymous

So, I've been dating a married man (on and off) for 11 years (he's been married for 12). He says he is in love with me and simply doesn't want to leave his wife due to what can possibly happen if he does (nasty divorce, her getting half and losing his "kingdom"). I have left him several times since, let's face it, the situation is WRONG (and was heartbroken each time)! I have beat myself up several times about the situation and find I cannot say no when several months (and even years) have gone by and I still had not started dating anyone else...there simply doesn't seem to be anyone out there to my standards. He and I work in the same field and we have many things in common. He and his wife were apparently in love but never had a marriage without him cheating. He even once cheated on both of us and I left him alone after finding out. I believe she knows about me and simply has fallen out of love with him. He has explained they now live in separate parts of their home and don't sleep with each other. Keep in mind, he initially held to the fact that he was not leaving his wife and was still in love with her. As of late, his tune has changed, but I'm sick of the situation and really am looking for him to break it off rather than rely on my own willpower. I even wrote a book about our dealings during one of our hiatuses. I had fallen deeply in love with him but I believe the depth of my love wasn't matched but now he is more in love with me than I am with him. I have no trust in him simply due to our 11 year relationship and don't think this is going to go anywhere...how do I get out without being heartbroken AGAIN...

You can't. But this man has shown he is faithful to no one but himself.

Case closed.

Originally Posted by OhThereYouAre

Ok. Now that sounds better.

He didn't marry her...he did the honorable thing keeping the child. He doesn't talk about the ex except when he has to. He only sees her when its necessary. I don't like the part about him saying he loves her as the mother of his child. All that is needed there is mutual respect, not neccesarily love.

How terrible my answers are without the proper info.

Sounds a lot better. However, what does he say about his comments about falling in love and not getting married?

Yeah, I was slacking on the details. Lol

The part about him loving her b/c she is the mother of his child doesn't bother me. Everynight he doesn't have his child, I'm there with him, so I don't feel like there's anything sneaky going on. Sometimes we can spend 2 nights out of the week together, and sometimes it's 5. It all just depends on when he's free.

I haven't asked him about the marriage and falling in love stuff. All of these remarks are usually given in a joking manner from him. For instance, when he gets all mushy and touchy feely with me, I'll say, jokingly, something along the lines of how I know he's falling for me, or that it's a done deal, and he's so in love. Then he'll smile, and say I don't fall in love. The only time he's mentioned the marriage is when a gf of mine was planning a fake bachelorette party, and he said he thought it was scandalous, and I said that he should throw a fake bachelor party, and he said pssshhh I'm never getting married. Again with a smile and laugh. So I'm not sure whether to take these to heart or shrug them off.

When he talks about her --- hmmm, I wouldn't say he's angry or passionate. He seems more exhausted and reserved about the topic.

Sounds to me like he cared for her and spent a lot of time trying to make it work. I have a friend who's going through the same kind of "baby's mama drama" and the last thing he wants is to settle down and potentially get burnt again.

. . .he said pssshhh I'm never getting married. Again with a smile and laugh. So I'm not sure whether to take these to heart or shrug them off.

He may only be joking around about never getting married, but those jokes betray his insecurities. The relationship is going to progress at his pace, not yours. You might not want to wait for him to get a handle on his baggage because there's no guarantee he ever will. If you want to stay with him, you have to be able to love him for all that he is, ex and child included.

P.S. The other purpose of "I'll never get married!" jokes is to mislead you so you'll be ecstatic when he whips out the ring he's been hiding up his sleeve. Given what I've heard of his situation, though, that seems unlikely.

Originally Posted by Haven

Sounds to me like he cared for her and spent a lot of time trying to make it work. I have a friend who's going through the same kind of "baby's mama drama" and the last thing he wants is to settle down and potentially get burnt again.

This honestly sounds like the most plausible thing.
They had a long go at trying to make it work, and it was filled with cheating and lies on her part. She lied to him about a part time job she had, only for him to find out the truth after the fact. She would leave on Friday nights to go out with friends and wouldn't return until Sunday night without telling him anything. She would call ex-boyfriends, and their girlfriends would call him and tell him about it. It was just a bunch of different things combined, and in the end he really was affected by it. He doesn't trust people very easily, but I'm starting to feel him open up to me, which I think is a good sign regarding our levels of trust with one another.

Originally Posted by Haven

He may only be joking around about never getting married, but those jokes betray his insecurities. The relationship is going to progress at his pace, not yours. You might not want to wait for him to get a handle on his baggage because there's no guarantee he ever will. If you want to stay with him, you have to be able to love him for all that he is, ex and child included.

P.S. The other purpose of "I'll never get married!" jokes is to mislead you so you'll be ecstatic when he whips out the ring he's been hiding up his sleeve. Given what I've heard of his situation, though, that seems unlikely.

I'm really unsure of what I want to do at this point. He is fully aware that I don't plan on keeping our current situation for years to come. I've expressed this to him many times, and he responds in agreement. He doesn't like drama and fighting, and I think that's a part of the reason he doesn't stand up to her. I know what I deserve, but at the same time I've never been so happy as I am when I'm with him. I love the feeling I get when upon seeing me this slow, creeping, cheesy smile appears on his face. I love that we are both dorky in different ways, yet we are both open to learning more about each other. I love how competitive we are with one another. Not to mention our sexual relationship is phenomenal! Lol I'm not "in love" with him, but I can feel my wall preventing those feelings slowly crumbling, and I don't want to set myself up for a heavy dose of pain and heartache. If I knew that it would all work out in the end, I would wait. It's just the fear of uncertainty that's really making me buckle down and feel like I have to decide soon.

"Rules of Flatio....go "

Did you mean Felatio (oral sex on a man)?

1. The most sensitive part of a man's penis is on the underside, at the base of the head where it meets the shaft. Often times referred to as the male clit...avoid it until your man is good and excited as too much licking of this spot too soon causes discomfort.

2. Your toungue and the inside of your mouth should work together. It shouldn't be all tongue and it shouldn't be all mouth but a nice combination of both. Use your entire mouth and and tongue.

3. Include at least one hand when giving head to stroke your man's shaft up and down and twisting like a cork screw.

4. Same goes for your tongue, move it around a lot to other positions, angles and approaches. Don't just lick the head like an ice cream cone. Variety is the key to good head.

5. Do unto your man as you in turn want him to do unto you. So don't be in a hurry. Take your time, explore his head, shaft and balls with your tongue. Go slow at first and nice and easy.

6. Ask questions of your man...."how does it feel?" "What else should I be doing?" etc.
You can't learn/know if you don't ask. If he doesn't tell you then that's on him.

7. It's not necessary to swallow (we don't expect it), but don't make it seem as though you've just eaten some nasty overcooked vegetable either (gagging). Have some tissues ready or a towel to spit it into if you're not going to swallow. It shouldn't be a big deal.

I find it interesting the disproportionate amount of female bodily fluids men consume versus the fluids women consume. If you've ever given Cunnilingus for a long period of time, you know what I am talking about.

Enjoy yourself! After all, isn't that the goal?

Does rough skin bothers guys?

Originally Posted by momopi

Does rough skin bothers guys?

Rough skin where?

Originally Posted by Ahryin

Man...this man pecked me all over my face! My arms! My neck..it just made it's own sound...mwah mwah mwah mwah...dude I am a GROWN WOMAN! peck peck peck peck...get away!

i have no clue why but this post made me laugh till i cried I just thought it was so funny! I guess i can imagine my fiance doing that to me i would laugh if he ever did ahahah!

~ i am so glad that for the most part my guy sits to pee as each time he has to go he always waits till he has to pooh and he always always farts and is getting less shy about it , however he does take FOREVER in the bathroom as he will read a book ( not a chapter but like the whole things ahh ) or a magazine , im like dude have to pee out here there's only one bathroom there is a line forming lol ! it has taken me almost 2 full years of getting him to be less shy i got him hooked on 'if you leave the door open u can see the sports channel on tv at our last place haha ( us women are good at messing with your guy'ses heads yup yup )

Originally Posted by Ahryin

Why do men say...I have no reason to Lie (which to me is code for i'm about to lie) when they have every intention of lying????

Men AND women add that phrase into a sentence because they probably ARE lying.