Thread: trouble having sex... first time

Hi, I'm new to the boards. Over the past few months, I've been reading the posts on this website and they've been really helpful. So I decided to finally get a username on this because I need advice and dont know who to go to. So I'm sorry if this post is really wordy but I've never written on one of these things before.

My boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time, but ran into some difficulties.

First of all, we are both teenagers (and virgins). I have done a ton of research on hymens over the internet because I wanted to be informed before I did anything. But I was worried because I have never tried using tampons, I don't masterbate, and I'm not athletic. And from looking in a mirror, my hymen seems pretty large. The hole isn't tiny or anything, but I could tell it definately was going to take a lot of work to stretch/break. The only time its ever been stretched is by my boyfriend. Before we tried to have sex, he could only get two fingers up there, and there was some pain.

But anyway, we tried having sex. Because even though I had a feeling my body wasn't ready, I ignored it because mentally I felt ready. We got lubricated condoms and KY Jelly. And we tried....but to no avail. He got it in, kind of, and it hurt, but my hymen didn't break. And my boyfriend was really nervous, because he was afraid of causing me pain, so he had trouble keeping up his erection. And then the fact that he couldn't "perform" just made him more nervous. We tried for a few hours, but it just wasn't coming very easy to us. He kept losing the erection, and we had trouble knowing exactly where to put it, and it was really hurting me despite the fact that my hymen didn't break. I was trying to be relaxed but all in all, it just didn't work out.

I guess my question is... Is this normal? My boyfriend has been totally supportive of the whole situation and we want to try again. Please give me some advice.

When it comes to sex, you can count on your boy OG to give you the honest truth.

The hymen is like a little cord of... something. Kinda feels like a tennis net (from what I've been told). Most of my friends have been with virgins. I haven't. Whatever.

Anyways, I've had girlfriends tell me that they broke theirs while running or playing sports. I've had others tell me they lost theirs horseback riding. It's actually pretty easy to break the hymen. Or "pop the cherry" as it's known when having sex for the first time.

You experienced pain when he put himself inside of you (regardless of lube) because your vagina isn't used to stretching like that. The more you have sex, the better it will feel. Your vagina will get used to stretching like that and it becomes quite orgasmic.

And if your boyfriend was completely inside of you, your hymen broke. Slip a few fingers in there and see if you can feel anything. It's not 4" inside of you. You'll be able to feel it with your fingers. If you can't feel it, then it's gone.

As far as condoms and lube goes (and props to playing it safe), switch to Durex in the... it's either blue or purple box. I can't remember, but both are good. And AstroGlide. It's better than KY and should ease the discomfort you experienced.

There's nothing wrong with masturbating, either. Play with your clit. Learn what your G-Spot feels like. See how you respond to those stimulations and which one feels best for you. Massage the walls of your vagina from the inside (however many fingers you can get in there) and just rub them both.

You'd be surprised at what you can learn about sex and your body by playing with yourself. Learn what turns you on.

As for your boyfriend, tell him that, "while this is going to cause me discomfort the first few times we do this, it'll feel even better in the long run for both of us." That should help alleviate his anxiety and help him perform better.

OG

I think that it is so good that the two of you got informed before going at it, especially when it comes to safety and condom use... but try to not worry about the technical aspects of breaking your hyman. You are definitely overthinking the process and so is he, unless you have some sort of genital abnormality, this process won't be nearly as bad as you make it out to be in your head, certainly no worse of a quick shot of pain than an ear peircing in my opinion...

But like an ear peircing, they use a gun and make it fast quick and over with... if they were using a toothpick and just jabbing away for hours trying to loosen it up ...well.. it would probably hurt a lot more.

I'm not saying he should tear on into you like a crazy person and you bite down on a wooden spoon or something... I am just saying you have the right idea with the lube, use lots of it... on the condom and on yourself. Get yourself turned on... if you are excited... you will contribute to the lubrication and be more readily easy to penetrate.

Help turn him on, if you just lay back and wait for his junk to work while he's freaking out, and then you freak out and its just a vicious circle.... you guys have to be tuned into each other, and the moment. If you are not craving him inside your body... don't put him there yet.

There will be a time when your body wants the person you love inside you so badly that your hymen won't be an issue you will just want to feel them in you. If you don't have that organic desire , or love for the person you are with and are just trying to clear the technical aspects, you guys might want to sit back and wait a little longer to see if you are actually ready.

Theres no rush. If you are both sexually inclined there are other activities to do to keep you happy til you feel ready and realllly want the other for the right reasons.

It sounds like the two of you are worried more about getting it over with than taking in the moment of sharing something so special together. Are you sure you are ready?

Originally Posted by please

He got it in

Then in my eyes you guys are no longer virgins if he has been inside you

I can totally relate. I had the exact same experience as you.. the first time he went in it just kinda poked but never quite went through, and it did hurt. The second time I was a little more aware of the feeling which made me feel more prepared. It was easiest for me being on top of him, and going down slowly so that way I was able to control it and stopped if I needed to. Once its in there your pretty much good to go, but I can't lie, it still hurts when he puts it in for the first time, almost every time. Someone once told me that when he enters if you push ur bum muscle out, it will lose the focus from your opening and make you a little less tense. Don't worry though, you'll get used to it over time, just don't think about it so much when its all happening.

Thanks for all your responses. I checked, and my hymen is definately still there, and just as big as ever (my boyfriend got it in but how much in it actually got, I'm not sure). I'm guess I'm just afraid that my hymen will be unbreakable (I know that's unlikely, but I'm paranoid). We're most likely going to try again sometime this weekend... if any questions arise I will post them. Thanks again for all your advice.