husband needs intense stimulation to orgasm

**rainshadow** · 08-16-2009 10:18 AM

I have a question about male ejaculation as my husband seems to need intense stimulation in order to orgasm. We're both in our early 30s and have a healthy sex life aside from this one aspect. Sometimes we stop before ejaculation and engage in mutual masturbation because it takes more effort for him to maintain that intensity. I noticed that he uses two hands to masturbate and the tension is quite strong so I suspect that this is where the need for strong stimulation originates. I don't think he sees it as a problem and I don't really know how to broach the subject without making him feel self conscious.

I guess my question is if anyone else's partners (or any men on here) have this same tendency and are there ways to remedy this? I can't really ask him to change how he masturbates so that he requires less stimulation - but it would be nice for him to be able to orgasm at a slower pace as sometimes it can become painful for me and then we have to stop.

Any help or suggestions would be much appreciated - thanks

**WildChild** · 08-16-2009 11:23 AM

He needs to quit masterbating, probably for quite a while. We've had men post on here on doing so and regaining their responsiveness.

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-16-2009 11:42 AM

He's trained his body to come that way, but he can train his body to come differently. Like WC says, backing off the masturbation will increase his sensitivity so that he can enjoy the feel of you more than the way hes use to doing it himself.

Make it a game between the both of you that way you are not singling him out. Say you want to try to abstain from masturbation yourself, and that you want him too as well... for a week (at first) Pick a special day that the two of you are going to have sex that is one week away and say you want to try going a week without an orgasm (both of you) to see how it feels having sex after waiting so long, that you heard it will be more intense for you, etc...

**OG612** · 08-16-2009 11:47 AM

When I have a problem reaching ejaculation during intercourse I just throw her legs above her head and begin to really lay in to her. This repositioning of her legs make it tighter and the faster, harder pace of it all increases that sensation I'm looking for in order to release.

OG

**LanaBear** · 08-16-2009 01:47 PM

Originally Posted by OG612

When I have a problem reaching ejaculation during intercourse I just throw her legs above her head and begin to really lay in to her. This repositioning of her legs make it tighter and the faster, harder pace of it all increases that sensation I'm looking for in order to release.

OG

This works for us as well.

While I agree with WC and HD regarding the masturbation. Try experimenting with different positions that will allow deeper penetration and make you tighter.

What OG described above works great for us. My DH can put his hands on the backs of my thighs, go to town and take control.

**nightqueen** · 08-16-2009 02:36 PM

Originally Posted by OG612

When I have a problem reaching ejaculation during intercourse I just throw her legs above her head and begin to really lay in to her. This repositioning of her legs make it tighter and the faster, harder pace of it all increases that sensation I'm looking for in order to release.

OG

Sure, that would work. But the OP is asking what would make things easier for her husband. Maybe she doesn't want to do this every time??? Anyway, I would say yes, have him lay off a while and see if things can be retrained.

**OG612** · 08-16-2009 07:57 PM

Originally Posted by nightqueen

Sure, that would work. But the OP is asking what would make things easier for her husband. Maybe she doesn't want to do this every time??? Anyway, I would say yes, have him lay off a while and see if things can be retrained.

Increased vaginal tightness increases sensation for both partners making orgasm easier. There are other ways to do this, though.

Experiment and see what feels the best for him as far as positions go. Porn is made for the looks. A lot of what they do also feels really dam good for the guy. You could buy a DVD and re-enact some of the things you see.

If you don't get yours during this, but he gets his... make him go town, sister!

OG

**rainshadow** · 08-17-2009 12:28 AM

thanks for all these replies everyone. the laying off the masturbation thing seems key but changing positions sounds like an even easier plan to incorporate. it's a lot easier than trying to broach the subject and make him feel self conscious about his technique!

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-17-2009 01:18 AM

Kegals have done amazing things for my sex life with my boyfriend. The first few times we had sex (it had been a long time since I'd had it) the friction really wasn't there despite his very above average sized equipment. At first I thought it was because I was too wet, but after reading around I decided to give kegals a try.

I guess going so long without sex, I'd not exercised that area as much and the muscles were slack. Almost within a week I personally noticed a difference, and within a month the friction was as it should be... and now... a year later, I have crazy vaginal muscle control and can squeeze and clamp down on him in any postion.

I've gotten to the point I can flex from the back deepest part of my vagina all the way down to the enterence in different squeezes so its like a double tug on it

Don't underestimate the power of kegals for improving stimulation == for both of you!

**rainshadow** · 08-19-2009 11:17 AM

cheers for this - unfortunately my husband says that kegals don't really do it for him but maybe i'll try it with different angles. you'd think if he needed all that stimulation kegals would be a good thing!