Thread: 1+1=3 not!!!!!!!!

How old is your daughter? You mention being widowed - how has your daughter been dealing with her fathers death?

I ask because perhaps she is resentful of this new relationship you are in.

Maybe she has misplaced anger and is trying to hurt you or maybe she is hoping for him to respond so that she can break you guys up.

She is dealing with something emotional to behave this way - I doubt its truly that she finds ur beau this irrisistable.

How is your relationship with her outside of this stuff? Are you close?

I really do appreciate the quick replies. My daughter is 21 and was 13 when her father got killed in an accident. She and I have had what I thought was a wonderful relationship and could talk about anything.

When my husband and I started seeing each other my daughter wanted to meet him to approve him, I guess. After our first date, she told me she thought he was hot. After dating for nearly a year, we got married and in my opinion, he has been a really good father figure for her. She listened and hung on his every word when she was going through any difficulty. She did ask me woman stuff and him man stuff of the sort but occasionally, with no regularity, would make some comment to him with me in hearing range. I either would say something to her or give her "the eye" if you know what I mean. That would last sometimes for several months before she would say anything again. It has only been lately in the past several months that she seemed to take her comments a little further.

She has dated 5 different guys since I started letting her date when she was 17 and hasn't been intimate with any of them, as she claims she's saving herself for her husband and my husband meets everyone of them. At first she didn't like that rule, but he told her that was her rule to meet him before he and I started dating so she conceded it was a good idea. She still calls him dad and after seeing him toweling off and seeing it, she told me it's no wonder that you and dad have sex so often, she would too. I, nor my husband, have mentioned to her our frequency of relations so I assume she got t. hat idea before she got her apartment last year. She might have been paying more attention to our bedroom activities than we thought. We've never flaunted it in front of her. We are touchy feely, arms, face, a peck on the cheek occasionally but we don't 'touch' each other in front of her. I've thought about her resenting our relationship but I just don't know, I'll have to ponder on that one a little more.

A question he ask me that I don't have an answer for is, 'do 20-ish girls talk about things like that with other girl friends?' He thinks that maybe other girls have given her ideas and she is going on with that. I don't know. Are there any ladies on here that are, say 20-25 range, that can comment on this? Again, ladies thanks for the comments. I really feel I can't talk to anyone at church about this.

Wow!!!!!!! First let me tell you that I'm panamanian and Gypsy and we DO NOT talk sex with our kids. My father raised me so it was a little different. Your daughter needs to speak to a therapist and I believe you need to go with her and then eventually introduce your husband. You are dealing with a real live fatal attraction and things are about to get worse. You have to realize that YES girls do talk to other girls about sex, the fact that she can make those comments and feel comfortable enough...that means you are dealing with one bold...bold girl!
She should not have the key to the house. The only time she should have had one is if you were going away then you give it to her and take it back when you get back! I realize thats your baby girl and always will be but the bottom line is your husband isn't her father. I lost my dad when I was 13 but I have never been attracted to any of my mothers husbands...EVER! I have gone out of my way to not see them in anything less tshirt and shorts...I hate seeing younger pics of them in compromising clothing. She should be attracted to men/boys closer to her age.
I think you and your daughter have more of a sister relationship than a mother daughter one which somewhere in her mind makes her believe her comments are acceptable.
AT this point you need to realize this is more serious than you are willing to make it, bad things can happen! If she attempts to one day touch your husband...what is going to happen? He can push her away and still get in trouble for it.
My advice is simple...nip this in the bud and quick! For the sake of your marriage and her mental state of being! She should be ashamed to see him in that way though I'm sure it wasn't his intention or fault.
Then in my opin you need to stop her from seeing him period, she is grown and at this point doesn't really need to have contact with him at all....thats your daughter not his. Remind her of her father and the type of man he was

What do you mean, "things like that?" Sex or flirting?
I'm 21 and when I was single, my friends knew all about my sex life. In a relationship, I'm different because my boyfriend is my best friend and only we need to know about some things
What she's doing is disturbing, especially since your husband has been such a father figure for her. Talk about an Electra complex! Seems like she's competing with you. Nip this in the bud, I'd say scare her away from him if you can. If she's sincere in her attraction to him, she needs counseling (but don't we all, once you get down to it.) Good luck with this, seems like a really difficult situation.

Your husband sounds like a great looking man so your daughter being attracted to him is not surprising given her age. It also sounds like there's no reason to believe he would allow anything to happen so I think changing the locks isn't necessary unless you think your daughter would do something totally psycho. Demanding your key back because of her behaviour would be appropriate but be prepared for some hurt feelings. Sex is definitely a topic for girls her age so I'm sure there have been comments made in her circle of friends but you can't shift the blame to her friends. These are her thoughts, her words and her actions.

I think you need to have a woman to woman talk with her (not a mother to daughter). She needs to show the same respect to you and your husband that she should show any married couple. Does she feel it's okay to make comments like that to other women about their husbands? If she doesn't respect the marriage bond between other couples, how will she ever respect her own when she gets married?

As a twenty year old, I'll say yes I discuss sex with my friends. We talk about who we think is attractive. There's been the occasional passing comment on parents/step-parents attractiveness. We've never talked about them in a sexual manner, though. It seems odd to me that your daughter would make comments like that, and I'm completely open with my family about sexual matters. I think I have to agree with taking the key away. For the time being, it's best that you demonstrate how uncomfortable the situation makes you both.

The thing that gets me is just the part about your daughter making comments directly to your husband. Not only is it creepy, but did she really think he wouldn't mention something like that to you afterwards? I'd be wondering if it's just a competition thing (you know how we females can get with other ones, no matter who they are). I think she wanted to get under your skin, and she knew he would tell you, so she said something inappropriate.

Nothing justifies that though. Like I said, that's creepy. Blood related or not, he's her stepfather. I'll have to jump on the bandwagon and say to take away the key. She needs to know that what she's doing is not cool. Plus, I don't see why she would need the key while you guys are home anyway.