Am I overreacting???????????

**miprincess** · 08-20-2009 10:35 PM

I'm new to this, but I need help. I feel like I am losing my mind. I think my SO is addicted to internet porn. People tell me that its not a big deal, but my jealousy is driving me crazy. We have sex maybe once a week, but he gets up almost every morning and masturbates looking at pictures on the computer. He tells me that it is just a release for him. If I try to initiate sex with him there is always a reason that he can't. He tells me he still finds me attractive, and I know he's not cheating on me. So why am I letting this get to me so bad? Please give me some advise.

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-20-2009 10:52 PM

Do you want sex more than once a week? If you do, tell him that. You shouldn't have to go without your needs being met so that he can masturbate to porn. Its fine for a boyfriend to do that when your not available but if your horny in the other room and he goes off and does that... well thats not really caring about your feelings. But if he doesn't know you want it more... he might think he's doing you a favor not bothering you for sex.

I always felt like my drive was higher than my boyfriends because we'd do it a few times, a week.. even though I wanted it more I was fine with it. Then when I saw he was doing the porn thing on all the days we DIDN'T do anything. I talked to him and explained I wanted more of his sexual attention, that if he has it to give, give it to me please lol..

It worked. Communication, honesty, solving misunderstandings in a caring mature way works. Now we are having more sex than ever, I am no longer resentful of the porn , it took me a while to still not be jealous of it (I have my moments but for the most part it doesn't bother me as long as I am his sexual priority and the porn is just a time killer in my absense.

**miprincess** · 08-20-2009 11:09 PM

I have told him that I wanted to have sex more often, he says that if he's "just relieving himself" he doesn't want to bother me. And its not even that I'm in another room, usually I am sleeping (he gets up earlier then me) and the computer is in our bedroom. Also almost every time I leave the house, to run errands, etc. he runs to the bedroom.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-21-2009 01:47 AM

misprincess.

Are you not important as well?

He is telling you that "he doesn't want to bother you" because he gets up earlier than you...

I am sure, seeing as you "ask" for sex, that if you were woken nicely you would love it, or if you were made love to at night, you would love it, or if he grabbed you whilst you were doing the Sunday dishes over the sink, you would love it.

Tell him that .

And, tell him if he continues to disrespect you and ignore you as a girlfriend, sexually then he can take his computer and masterbate till the cows come home, by himself, elsewhere because YOU ARE important and deserve a proper relationship.

He is just throwing out excuses so he can continue doing what he wants, whilst shutting you up.

That doesn't constitute a relationship.

Now, does it...

CW

**GlitterAndStuds** · 08-21-2009 05:18 AM

If my boyfriend was only having sex with me once a week, and masturbating to porn the rest of the time that he could be enjoying ME, I would be upset too.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't mind if my guy looks at porn as long as it's NOT cutting into our sex life. And it never has. But in this case, I'd say it's definitely affecting your sex life and that needs to be addressed. It would be one thing if he thought you hated sex or something, but you've made it clear to him that you want more of it. And yet he continues this pattern. I understand that habits are hard to break, but he should know that when he's in that mood that you're there, ready and willing. Well, as long as he's willing to pleasure you just as much.

I agree with CW though, it sounds like he's making up excuses to keep doing it. That's the part that concerns me. That any guy would choose masturbating to porn rather than getting the real stuff from his girlfriend who wants it. And that he makes a beeline for the computer the second you leave home? I think a good sit-down and chat is necessary here.

**Joy** · 08-21-2009 09:18 AM

I'd find a man that wants to actually have sex with a person other than himself. Or satisfy yourself and the one day or the week he wants it tell him you've taken care of yourself on your own time while he has ignored you for some dumb picture or video. Tell him straight up ... he jerks off the other 6 days of the week might as well make it 7 . People teach you how to treat them... that is obviously what he wants.. his feelings to be ignored.

**Miya** · 08-21-2009 10:27 AM

Hi misprincess

I'm new to the forums but had a thought while reading your post. Perhaps his choice to masturbate over having sex with you is rooted somehow in the sensations he gets during sex?? When my DH and I were first married, it took us a while to figure out what felt good for both of us. Sometimes it was much more satisfying pleasuring myself than him trying and later I found out he felt the same but didn't say anything to keep from hurting my feelings.

Maybe it's possible the two of you are encountering this same issue?

I hope you find a way to make it work but if it's really that he enjoy's porn more than you then it's time to make a relationship choice that might not have him in the picture.

**SinisterUrge** · 08-21-2009 10:35 AM

What kind of porn is he watching? If its something fetishy you might be able to indulge him away from the lightning box.

**miprincess** · 08-21-2009 10:46 AM

thanks to all of you for your help. Most of the time it is just normal everyday stuff. Although I was snooping through his documents (I know its not right) and found where he has downloaded almost 1300 pics and movies. That seems a little excessive to me.
We have talked about it some. His explanation is that he was alone for so long, it just became a habit. I can understand that, but we have been together for three years, its time to get past that.

**Ahryin** · 08-21-2009 10:50 AM

Wow today must be the day of the PORN...this is pretty scary..I think WH should start a support group called you are not alone...the victims of sexual neglect due to porn

Maybe all the women should dismantle the computer...

See back in the day (the days where we didn't have such access to computers and tvs the bedroom was reserved for bedroom activites and relaxation....maybe it's time to bring that back!)
Spice up some things like ask him to play a game with you...Glitter suggested some good ones on the thread I started about sex toys...you could even pick a game a night
Tell him you want to devote a week just to sex where every day you try something new etc