young guy and dumb about women

**snbd** · 08-24-2009 10:31 AM

hello, well i am a 22 year old guy and i just have no clue. my problem is that i am still a virgin. i know its not a problem, but i feel like i am missing out. i have never been in a relationship or come close to getting sexual. when i was in hs i just wasn't too concerned about girlfriends, was more focused on school and sports, and i am not a player so i can't get a one night stand or such. now i am a senior in college with no experience in either catagory. obviously the ideal would be to find a girl and have a great relationship. but for the time being, i dont have any potential serious girlfriends in mind. i kind of wish i had a girl that just wanted a "friend with benefits" to have some fun with and gain some experience. i like to think i have a lot to offer as a boyfriend or f*** buddy, but struggle with conveying confidence to other people. anyway i am just curious about what women think about my situation or to hear suggestions about how to go forward. i know i need to overcome shyness and lack of confidence but it would be nice to know from women if i have qualities they find attractive. well thanks for listening and your comments.

**snbd** · 08-24-2009 11:03 AM

oh and if anyone would want to i wouldn't mind sharing pics of me to hear if you women think i am cute, hot, sexy, etc. i would like to hear some honest opinions about my attractiveness.

**SinisterUrge** · 08-24-2009 11:05 AM

You won't get a FWB or F*buddy until you've earned your chops. (Not to mention virgins have all the casual-sex grace of an STD pamphlet).

I suggest going a few dozen rounds with some working girls, that'll loosen you up for some real life interaction.

**Miya** · 08-24-2009 11:40 AM

Originally Posted by SinisterUrge

You won't get a FWB or F*buddy until you've earned your chops. (Not to mention virgins have all the casual-sex grace of an STD pamphlet).

I suggest going a few dozen rounds with some working girls, that'll loosen you up for some real life interaction.

Well not to be too blatant about it but I completely disagree here. Follow this advice and you could very well end up the poster boy for an STD pamphlet of what NOT to do.

I'd say give it time. When you meet the right woman it will be all that much better and there are plenty of girls out there who are keeping their virginity for marriage (I was one...26 and untouched for my hubby).

It's not something you need to rush or do because you feel like you're missing out on something. Personally I'd find it a real turn-on if a guy hadn't done it with anyone else and I'd know he was safe and clean. I don't think sex should be just a casual thing but maybe I'm in the minority of women nowadays (especially in the West). Just make chitchat in places where you see single girls and don't worry about how they think. If you barely know them then what difference would if make how they acted? The real gems will show through when it's time.

That's my opinion anyway.

**OhThereYouAre** · 08-24-2009 11:54 AM

Hey buddy - just a few things. I'm a male by the way.

You're a virgin 22. That's cool and nothing to be ashamed about.

Next - you can't go hunting for a girlfriend. People pick up on neediness real quick. It's very unnatractive. When you go out, don't make meeting someone the goal. The goal should be to have fun. If in the meantime you meet someone interesting, go with it. Don't rush it. Do not. The best things in life are worth waiting for.

Lastly - confidence....you *HAVE* to be able to convey confidence to others in order to influence them. In turn you have to convey confidence to a woman in order to attract her. Think about all the positive things you've accomplished and learn to love yourself. Once you are comfortable with yourself, the rest falls into place. Women pick up on this .00009 seconds after they see/meet you.

Good luck.

**LanaBear** · 08-24-2009 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by OhThereYouAre

Hey buddy - just a few things. I'm a male by the way.

You're a virgin 22. That's cool and nothing to be ashamed about.

Next - you can't go hunting for a girlfriend. People pick up on neediness real quick. It's very unnatractive. When you go out, don't make meeting someone the goal. The goal should be to have fun. If in the meantime you meet someone interesting, go with it. Don't rush it. Do not. The best things in life are worth waiting for.

Lastly - confidence....you *HAVE* to be able to convey confidence to others in order to influence them. In turn you have to convey confidence to a woman in order to attract her. Think about all the positive things you've accomplished and learn to love yourself. Once you are comfortable with yourself, the rest falls into place. Women pick up on this .00009 seconds after they see/meet you.

Good luck.

Oh - OTYA - how we've missed you and your posts!

To OP - his response says it all. You are where you at because of the decisions you have made, which look like they have been GOOD decisions. Gain some confidence in yourself and don't put so much pressure on yourself to find that girl, have fun and the rest will fall into place.

**SinisterUrge** · 08-24-2009 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by Miya

I'd say give it time. When you meet the right woman it will be all that much better and there are plenty of girls out there who are keeping their virginity for marriage (I was one...26 and untouched for my hubby).

OP was pretty clear he wasn't looking for a wife.

But anyway, this is really a matter for Men's health forums IMHO.

**Miya** · 08-24-2009 03:25 PM

Originally Posted by SinisterUrge

OP was pretty clear he wasn't looking for a wife.

But anyway, this is really a matter for Men's health forums IMHO.

I don't recall mentioning he'd find the right one to marry; just that he'd find the right one.

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-24-2009 04:01 PM

I might be naive, but I would certainly hope that guy's using pro's is not the norm. I would have a lot of trouble being with a guy that had a history of paying for sex. In my opinion its the ultimate act of desperation, so it doesn't look too good on a guy's sexual resume, it also makes you fear disease as condoms to protect against hpv and herpes, not to mention what if it broke -- etc.. the odds are so much higher of contracting something from a prostitute.

I'd also worry that if he had no problem hiring a prostitute in the past, what would stop him from doing so in the future when the relationship may have problems. Most women worry about a guys opportunities and feel safe at certain times when they are limited but being with a guy that has no probs hiring 'help' id be constantly paranoid.

I just think that you should not take the measures of getting a pro unless you were beyond all hope otherwise. Being shy is an attribute I personally am attracted to. I don't like burly macho man guys.

If your attractive and girls aren't coming on to you, maybe you just need to pay more attention. Your shyness can come across as disinterest so you have to be sure to pay attention for subtle hints that someone likes you and react positively to it.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-24-2009 04:28 PM

OP.. You can put a photo up on your Avatar..

You have to decide if you "really" feel your missing out and want to start to have sex, or if you want to find that special lady in your life, for now, the one you can call a girlfriend...

There are alot of 22 year old virgins in the world, of the opposite sex.

I have a couple of guy friends your age and they chased older women to "show them" and those older women found it attractive to teach, so to speak, where they never thought they would go down that path.. They are called "Cougars"...

This could also be an option to consider, not loose women, rather, older women who you can get to know as "people" and if you like them as a person explain your dilema and let them decide.

On a side note, "opinions and debates" are welcome here, but we don't focus on our own beliefs and shove them at you...

CW