How do I learn how to masturbate and enjoy sex after rape

**Eri** · 08-25-2009 03:48 AM

Hi, I finally decided to take action and do something about a longstanding problem that might have created a mental block making me unable to feel anything during intercourse. I got recommended this forum by a friend, so let me share my story:

It might have all started in my childhood, as I used to get my peers to masturbate (with) me in kindergarten, and I got a adverse/shameful reaction to this after finding out it was "wrong", I never masturbated again.

Then as a teenager I got raped, perhaps strengthening the notion that my own genitalia are disgusting. Deep down I know I shouldn't think this, but I can't shake the feeling, and although my (only) ex boyfriend bought me a vibrator - knowing my issues - I just couldn't use it and I broke up with him before we could experiment with it together, something that might have helped.
So, how do I learn to enjoy sex? I don't think there is anything wrong with my physiology - I have felt onsets of pleasurable sensation during intercourse - it's probably and hopefully mostly in my head. I think learning to have and enjoy sex with myself could be an important step forward for me, but I'm at loss as to how to attack this on my own.

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated, wish me luck!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-25-2009 04:04 AM

I think learning to have and enjoy sex with myself could be an important step forward for me,

The best way in finding ourselves, is, finding about ourselves, how else can we show others?

Then as a teenager I got raped, perhaps strengthening the notion that my own genitalia are disgusting. Deep down I know I shouldn't think this, but I can't shake the feeling, and although my (only) ex boyfriend bought me a vibrator

As you can see, I am going backwards in my quotes... Any man will tell you we are cute, nice, sexy to look at.. Your boyfriend was wrong with thinking a dildo will solve the problems simple.

Until you find you, toys will give you no feeling, no effect and cause and effect.

It

might have all started in my childhood, as I used to get my peers to masturbate (with) me in kindergarten, and I got a adverse/shameful reaction to this after finding out it was "wrong", I never masturbated again.

Please define peers? And, your involvement verses, their involvement.

CW

**Eri** · 08-25-2009 04:12 AM

Peers, meaning the other kids. They masturbated me, I masturbated them, we did it in front of each other, I don't think it's that uncommon really.

My ex boyfriend didn't think it would magically solve the problem, I'm sure he was equally at loss as to how to deal with it - at least he tried, right? And he did help me overcome my penis phobia, and he was very understanding and never looked upon me as broken goods, although I might have started looking down on him for loving me, as I saw myself as exactly that.

But the question remains, how do I find myself? I need this in very clear, practical terms. What steps can I take?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-25-2009 04:33 AM

No, kids will be kids for sure.

And, I think that's great that your boyfriend didn't perceive you as damaged goods rather, someone he wanted to work with...Someone he loved.

You know in all honesty? Sincerely? You are not an orphan in fact every single person in my opinion on this "forum" has some baggage, a reason why they came here to start with a problem they wanted solved.

And, those whom have stayed? Including me, have learn't so much in fact more than anyone that we paid would show, teach, why? It's life's lessons...

To listen to those that can relate, or those that have experienced something sexual that "I WANT to know", others want to know will then listen, learn and grow....

Clear, practical terms? Love you... But, to do that? You need to find you and to do that? You need to put all that past as exactly that and start now in the "present" and to do that? help, or here, or venting, or finding or all...

That no one can answer but you.

Hope you hang about.

As for what steps? Start with what seriously do you like about you?

Start with you... write it down on a piece of paper, the likes and smile, the dislikes and see if you feel you can make changes without help if not? Then get that help...

Blogs, writing, make you see, realise......

And that is after all a start.

CW

**Eri** · 08-25-2009 04:45 AM

Thanks for sharing your thoughts

We all want quick solutions don't we, but I didn't think I would find one here. We have however become good at tearing down some psychological barriers, e.g. phobias, so, there might be a "tried and true" method for dealing with my barriers out there in the realm of psychology, although it probably wouldn't be a surefire "fix" and I'm not counting on that there even is one.

What I really am hoping for is finding someone here who has met my barriers and subsequently broken through them

And I do believe that just talking about it, sharing my story with you guys, will help.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-25-2009 04:49 AM

Twice I have said this tonight, but I deal with facts.. I studied psychology for a long time, should have actually gone in that direction, instead of being a real estate agent

I know there are those that can and have met your barriers.

Can't help I am Australian and everyone else is sleeping

see you tomorrow with some answers I am sure.

Welcome to the site ...

CW

**WildChild** · 08-25-2009 08:47 AM

Started a response regarding rape and dealing with it but realized it was better suited as a blog. It was getting far too long. I'll have it posted in a bit and then will have some more limited comments to make here

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