Thread: what is with choking??

Originally Posted by OG612

Don't be afraid to try something new. But be afraid if your partner starts choking you during sex without any prior knowledge of what he's doing. If he has to turn to erotic asphyxiation to get you off, then he's not doing his job right in the bedroom.

OG

No doubt. If my boyfriend suggested to me that he wanted to try grabbing onto my throat during sex... I would think it was a bit dark, but I'd be willing to try if it was a fantasy of his as long as he promised to stop if I didn't like it... but I would try it out for sure!!

If he just willy nilly started choking me during sex, it would freak me out... increddibly.

There is a phrase in the BDSM community "Safe, Sane, Consensual". It needs to be all of these. Choking someone without warning violates 2 of these, and maybe the third.

I have no problem with rough sex play, play rape, or anything else that meets the above requirement. (for clarification I have no problem with other people doing any of the above, they are not necessarily something I enjoy personally)

My husband hates to do it to me but he does to make me happy. I love it.

I have to agree with everyone and say that this is definitely something that should be discussed/asked about first. As you can see from some responses here, if he had done that to anyone else, it would be possible for him to get the crep kicked out of him! Especially if that's what made your throat hurt after, never good.

Granted, I've asked my boyfriend to do a couple of random things here and there that select few people like, but nothing like that. Regardless, he never would have done them if I hadn't said that I liked it once in a while. Nothing extreme, I can assure you.

I remember one guy in the past thought it would be hot if he spit in my face in the middle of it... Needless to say, a ring I was wearing ended up leaving a mark on the side of his face.

It doesn't sound to me like this guy is necessarily dangerous, but he needs to know that before doing things like that, he needs to mention it to you first and make sure you're okay with it. That kind of stuff can really freak a person out.

Ok before everyone freaks you out take a breath and yes it is normal. My man is the sweetest kindest man you could ever want to meet and the first time we had sex after we moved in together he did this. It to scared me as I'd never experienced it. He did it a little to hard and I slapped his arm. later we talked and he told me that he doesn't know why but when he does that, it makes things really intense for him. He really couldn't explain it but he was soooo sorry for hurting me. So we talked and when he does it now, if he gets carried away I tap his hand a few times and he knows to let off. But for the record, since we talked about it, he has never gotten carried away. He'll put both hands around my neck and jsut do his thing. He doesn't put any weight down now and is more in a upright position. Anyone who would take something so simple and turn it into a deal breaker is just not tolorant in there relationships. its all about working on a solution that fits you both. I know many many friends who have told me there man does this to and guess what? They've all talked to there man and found a solution to make them both happy. As for the person who made a

Originally Posted by SinisterUrge

You're engaged to someone you only slept with 10 times and half the time he chokes you, which you think is "scary"....

Am I the only one who sees the flawed logic of your engagement?

as for this comment, you have no idea what there engagment is like. Thats not very nice to pass judgment. I feel they are just not communicating the way the should be which can be fixed

Originally Posted by Kallygirlie

Ok before everyone freaks you out take a breath and yes it is normal. My man is the sweetest kindest man you could ever want to meet and the first time we had sex after we moved in together he did this. It to scared me as I'd never experienced it. He did it a little to hard and I slapped his arm. later we talked and he told me that he doesn't know why but when he does that, it makes things really intense for him. He really couldn't explain it but he was soooo sorry for hurting me. So we talked and when he does it now, if he gets carried away I tap his hand a few times and he knows to let off. But for the record, since we talked about it, he has never gotten carried away. He'll put both hands around my neck and jsut do his thing. He doesn't put any weight down now and is more in a upright position. Anyone who would take something so simple and turn it into a deal breaker is just not tolorant in there relationships. its all about working on a solution that fits you both. I know many many friends who have told me there man does this to and guess what? They've all talked to there man and found a solution to make them both happy.

I think this is the point everyone is trying to make though. No one's making him out to be some super dangerous, sadistic guy... just that it's not too common a thing to hear about. But you're right, once it was talked about, everything was hunky dorey. And the first time he tried it, he hurt you a little. That can be enough to freak out some people if they don't know it's going to happen and the guy isn't aware of his strength. It's not necessarily "simple" so to speak.. To each their own though. I can see why it would be a deal breaker for some people.

Originally Posted by GlitterAndStuds

I think this is the point everyone is trying to make though. No one's making him out to be some super dangerous, sadistic guy... just that it's not too common a thing to hear about. But you're right, once it was talked about, everything was hunky dorey. And the first time he tried it, he hurt you a little. That can be enough to freak out some people if they don't know it's going to happen and the guy isn't aware of his strength. It's not necessarily "simple" so to speak.. To each their own though. I can see why it would be a deal breaker for some people.

I do agree with this. I just think some guys are a little more nervous then others to express things like this. Not say all but some. I mean how do you explain this "baby do you mind if I choke you while where having sex". Well who would ever say hmmm that sounds fun. I'm not excusing him of just doing it and freaking you out but I'm just stating that maybe he just didn't know how to say it or maybe he did it not thinking in the heat of the moment. I can't see why someone would end a great relationship because of something like this without talking about it first.