Thread: what is with choking??

I think it's mainly a "control" thing. It doesn't necessarily mean that he's a bad person, but rather, in some cases (such as BDSM) it may be a sexually heightening experience for your fiancé. I myself am prone to enjoying such kinks, but it's all worked out by talking it through first, and asking your partner what actions they do and don't like, as well as being thoroughly open and telling your partner what you YOURSELF do and don't like.

There is a self-asphyxia related masturbation kink wherein people enjoy holding their breath or being choked (whether by others or by their own means) just prior to orgasm. It is known to heighten the pleasure of the orgasm, but for others, if they don't like it, well, THEY DON'T LIKE IT. There's nothing wrong with not liking it (as if this isn't apparent enough! Hehe), if it's scaring you and or leaving your throat feeling sore.

If you do like it, or plan on wanting to explore it, you really need to make it clear to your partner that he should take it much easier. Maybe instead of outright choking you, he should just keep his hand around your throat instead. Either way, you need to make it clear that he needs to stop doing that since it's upsetting in the slightest. Having that kind of fear in a relationship during sexual interaction is REALLY SCARY (been there, done that :S).

If you'd want to know why he likes it, ask him! It may be a possibly fantasy he has, to overly dominate a female, or maybe he thought you'd like it to begin with. He's your fiancé; with that word in mind, I'm assuming that you both are planning on wanting to live out your lives together. I think it'd be best if you asked him on your own, rather than turning to other people's opinions just yet. I've talked this kind of stuff through with what partners I have had, and it always ends in a much more pleasant as well as pleasurable sexual experience for both of us, as there is no longer guess-and-checking nor is there any remote chance of fear or worry

Choking is sometimes used in a BDSM sort of setting. BUT - be really really careful. NEVER do this without a safeword (or safe gesture in this case). People have DIED doing this - it is easy to loose track of what you are doing when you are highly aroused. There was a famous murder caes in New York some years ago that was probably due to erotic asphyxia gone bad.

There is a rumor that the actor David Carradine recently died that way.

If you don't like this sort of play tell him. BDSM play something you should never engage in if you don't like it - in that case it is just abuse. If he wants this sort of thing and you don't, you may want to re-think your relationship.

You're engaged to someone you only slept with 10 times and half the time he chokes you, which you think is "scary"....

Am I the only one who sees the flawed logic of your engagement?