Anyone know of a libido inhibitor

jbsigh · 08-31-2009, 05:19 AM

Please if anyone knows I would really appreciate it.

I've spent the last hour reading through "My Sex Drive is Too High!" thread and it didn't really give me the information I need.

I am 25, in a committed relationship and my sex drive seems to be getting in the way because I don't feel like we have sex enough and end up feeling quite bad about the whole thing.

I just want to remove this added pressure so I can concentrate on other things.

**WildChild** · 08-31-2009, 07:06 AM

I'm dealing with the same thing, as are many women here. It seems to be like a bad joke. I have shut down sexually before, when I was very unhappy in a relationship. It's like what is the lesser of two really bad choices? Loving and wanting a man who just doesn't have the same interest or shutting down and disconnecting from your sexuality - which really is unhealthy.

I think I could shut it down, I have pretty good mind/body control when I chose to (I used to be able to reset my period to either full or new moon just by deciding to) but I recognized that as frustrating and even painful as this is emotionally and physically, it would be a negative step. If it doesn't change it will eventually end the connection with this man, whom I feel more strongly about than I think I've ever felt about a man. In his case it isn't lack of interest or abiltity but what seems to be some old kneejerk response to who knows what past incident.

You need to determine first if it is lack of interest in you, a physical problem, emotional or if he really has a lower drive. The next question I think, is if he is willing to pleasure you in other ways - I've found men are remarkably selfish in this regard. They expect a woman to take care of them sexually at some level even if she isn't really interested but don't have any concept of turn about. If they aren't interested that's just too bad for you.

**Livelaughlove** · 08-31-2009, 07:20 AM

Is it the actual physical aspect you crave.

Is it the feeling of the emotional bond that comes with sex that you crave?

In either case there is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes if you love something all you want to do is be wrapped up and immersed in it.

An alternative would be to release all this sexual energy not sexually though. Maybe transforming it into motivational energy. Go do something physically demanding like going for a run and working out.

If you just sit down and let this energy build then OFCOURSE it will overwhelm you...

Hope this helps

Live laugh and love

**WildChild** · 08-31-2009, 08:13 AM

LLL, I can't speak for the OP but for myself it is a combination. If it was simply, physically, sex, that would be easily from several sources. If I wanted a relationship with some other man, they are all over the place and not hard to attract. Sex without an emotional connection is not what I want. Sex with anyone other than this one man, is not what I want. Masturbating is little help, it's purely a physical release and completely unsatisfactory, it just keeps me from climbing the walls.

I run, I work out, it's some but not much help. I also meditate, write and get out and about with my kids and friends.

This is about something much deeper. I am not an emotionally shallow person. Most of our interactions with others are fairly shallow, they have to be, with the number of people we encounter throughout a day or week, it would be impossible otherwise. I can stand alone, deal with what has to be dealt with, care for myself and my kids. I don't have to have a man in my life to survive. There is a huge difference in the emotional quality of life. Most people, emotionally, eat TV dinners all their lives, I want the full banquet.

**Livelaughlove** · 08-31-2009, 08:28 AM

Well I would typically say any act that involves another person to satisfy a need is acting from a position of weakness, because your happiness is Dependant on how much the other is willing to give.

Which is unhealthy. Even the great LIVE LAUGH LOVE falls a victim to this... Not often though

haha

Sometimes simply talking to the other person wont solve the issue because then to the partner it becomes an obligation rather then a desire.

What I found is Everyone has a weakness so if you want to get what you want you sometimes have to exploit it for your own benefit. Only in a way that benefits both!

Its much easier to say then do but it is possible.

Hope this helps
Live laugh and love

**Kallygirlie** · 08-31-2009, 08:37 AM

Ok ladies, here's the thing. I'm not sure if this applies to everyone who's posting but a female peak in sexuality is between the ages of 25-35. I'm 26 and I've surely seen the difference. Add this with a man who knows what he's doing and you're done. Heck, before 2 yrs ago I didn't really have a desire to use toys but HAHA isn't that a thing of the past now. Theres times when My man and I will have sex and it will be GREAT. I'm completely satisfied but when he goes to work, I'm usually pulling out the toys later that night. Why do you think so many late 20 yr old women date guys that are under 25. A mans sexual peak is from 16-25. My man is 30 and he knew me 2 yrs ago. He's floored sometime when I make it clear I want sex. I was always the shy type. now its nothing for me to open my mouth. Just last night, he was due to go to work in 15 mins and I looked at him and said, "so are you saying you dont want to get some". LOL!!! He was like what!!! where'd that come from!!! OK

I know its frustrating sometimes but enjoy it while you can cause it'll slow down on its own

**WildChild** · 08-31-2009, 08:48 AM

Well, I think "sexual peaks" are a myth. One more "scientific" (if it actually is based on any science and I doubt it) theory that will be disproven. I was horny at 16. I'm 52 now and if anything, am hornier. The only thing that lowers or raises my libido, other than illness (and often times not even then) is emotional factors.

**PJhavinfunagain** · 09-01-2009, 08:57 AM

I came to this board a week ago for this exact reason. I have found that you and your guy need to talk about how much is right for each of you. If 2 times a week is good for him but you want every day compromise. Communication is the key.

I am still working on figuring this out myself. Reading these boards has been so helpful. I feel now like I am not alone.

**Joy** · 09-01-2009, 10:53 AM

my bf is on anti depressants and he has much much lower sex drive than me. I only get annoyed when all he does is talk , talk , talk like the big sex machine to his friends. I know the meds control his mind, feelings, cravings, and what not.

He knows how I feel about it and he does his best... some days/weeks he just feels like crud. Communication is the key.

08-31-2009, 05:19 AM	#1
jbsigh Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 1	Anyone know of a libido inhibitor Please if anyone knows I would really appreciate it. I've spent the last hour reading through "My Sex Drive is Too High!" thread and it didn't really give me the information I need. I am 25, in a committed relationship and my sex drive seems to be getting in the way because I don't feel like we have sex enough and end up feeling quite bad about the whole thing. I just want to remove this added pressure so I can concentrate on other things.

08-31-2009, 07:06 AM	#2
WildChild WH Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 8,669 Blog Entries: 6	I'm dealing with the same thing, as are many women here. It seems to be like a bad joke. I have shut down sexually before, when I was very unhappy in a relationship. It's like what is the lesser of two really bad choices? Loving and wanting a man who just doesn't have the same interest or shutting down and disconnecting from your sexuality - which really is unhealthy. I think I could shut it down, I have pretty good mind/body control when I chose to (I used to be able to reset my period to either full or new moon just by deciding to) but I recognized that as frustrating and even painful as this is emotionally and physically, it would be a negative step. If it doesn't change it will eventually end the connection with this man, whom I feel more strongly about than I think I've ever felt about a man. In his case it isn't lack of interest or abiltity but what seems to be some old kneejerk response to who knows what past incident. You need to determine first if it is lack of interest in you, a physical problem, emotional or if he really has a lower drive. The next question I think, is if he is willing to pleasure you in other ways - I've found men are remarkably selfish in this regard. They expect a woman to take care of them sexually at some level even if she isn't really interested but don't have any concept of turn about. If they aren't interested that's just too bad for you. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

08-31-2009, 07:20 AM	#3
Livelaughlove Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Nice try... ;) Posts: 499 Blog Entries: 2	Is it the actual physical aspect you crave. Is it the feeling of the emotional bond that comes with sex that you crave? In either case there is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes if you love something all you want to do is be wrapped up and immersed in it. An alternative would be to release all this sexual energy not sexually though. Maybe transforming it into motivational energy. Go do something physically demanding like going for a run and working out. If you just sit down and let this energy build then OFCOURSE it will overwhelm you... Hope this helps Live laugh and love __________________ *Nice guys don't finish last, weak* guys finish last.**

08-31-2009, 08:13 AM	#4
WildChild WH Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 8,669 Blog Entries: 6	LLL, I can't speak for the OP but for myself it is a combination. If it was simply, physically, sex, that would be easily from several sources. If I wanted a relationship with some other man, they are all over the place and not hard to attract. Sex without an emotional connection is not what I want. Sex with anyone other than this one man, is not what I want. Masturbating is little help, it's purely a physical release and completely unsatisfactory, it just keeps me from climbing the walls. I run, I work out, it's some but not much help. I also meditate, write and get out and about with my kids and friends. This is about something much deeper. I am not an emotionally shallow person. Most of our interactions with others are fairly shallow, they have to be, with the number of people we encounter throughout a day or week, it would be impossible otherwise. I can stand alone, deal with what has to be dealt with, care for myself and my kids. I don't have to have a man in my life to survive. There is a huge difference in the emotional quality of life. Most people, emotionally, eat TV dinners all their lives, I want the full banquet. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

08-31-2009, 08:28 AM	#5
Livelaughlove Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Nice try... ;) Posts: 499 Blog Entries: 2	Well I would typically say any act that involves another person to satisfy a need is acting from a position of weakness, because your happiness is Dependant on how much the other is willing to give. Which is unhealthy. Even the great LIVE LAUGH LOVE falls a victim to this... Not often though haha Sometimes simply talking to the other person wont solve the issue because then to the partner it becomes an obligation rather then a desire. What I found is Everyone has a weakness so if you want to get what you want you sometimes have to exploit it for your own benefit. *Only in a way that benefits both!* *Its much easier to say then do but it is possible.* Hope this helps Live laugh and love __________________ *Nice guys don't finish last, weak* guys finish last.**

08-31-2009, 08:37 AM	#6
Kallygirlie Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: PA, USA Posts: 386	Ok ladies, here's the thing. I'm not sure if this applies to everyone who's posting but a female peak in sexuality is between the ages of 25-35. I'm 26 and I've surely seen the difference. Add this with a man who knows what he's doing and you're done. Heck, before 2 yrs ago I didn't really have a desire to use toys but HAHA isn't that a thing of the past now. Theres times when My man and I will have sex and it will be GREAT. I'm completely satisfied but when he goes to work, I'm usually pulling out the toys later that night. Why do you think so many late 20 yr old women date guys that are under 25. A mans sexual peak is from 16-25. My man is 30 and he knew me 2 yrs ago. He's floored sometime when I make it clear I want sex. I was always the shy type. now its nothing for me to open my mouth. Just last night, he was due to go to work in 15 mins and I looked at him and said, "so are you saying you dont want to get some". LOL!!! He was like what!!! where'd that come from!!! OK I know its frustrating sometimes but enjoy it while you can cause it'll slow down on its own

08-31-2009, 08:48 AM	#7
WildChild WH Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 8,669 Blog Entries: 6	Well, I think "sexual peaks" are a myth. One more "scientific" (if it actually is based on any science and I doubt it) theory that will be disproven. I was horny at 16. I'm 52 now and if anything, am hornier. The only thing that lowers or raises my libido, other than illness (and often times not even then) is emotional factors. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

09-01-2009, 08:57 AM	#8
PJhavinfunagain Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: upper midwest Posts: 424	I came to this board a week ago for this exact reason. I have found that you and your guy need to talk about how much is right for each of you. If 2 times a week is good for him but you want every day compromise. Communication is the key. I am still working on figuring this out myself. Reading these boards has been so helpful. I feel now like I am not alone.

09-01-2009, 10:53 AM	#9
Joy Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 678 Blog Entries: 5	my bf is on anti depressants and he has much much lower sex drive than me. I only get annoyed when all he does is talk , talk , talk like the big sex machine to his friends. I know the meds control his mind, feelings, cravings, and what not. He knows how I feel about it and he does his best... some days/weeks he just feels like crud. Communication is the key.

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