Thread: Not getting it often enough

Hi ladies, my name's Kassie and I'm 27. My husband and I have been married for three and a half years and we now have a four month old daughter.

When we first started dating we would have sex 5-10 times a week. Of course that slowly turned into 2-4 times a week which I was still very happy with. You see I have a naturally high sex drive and always have. After getting married it slowed even more, to 1-3 times a week, sometimes less, but even with that I managed to be ok, resorting to masturbation occasionally to keep myself satisfied.

Of course during the pregnancy we didn't have sex very much, probably only once every week and a half to two weeks, but that was different, as it was uncomfortable to do more often. After waiting the requisite six weeks (C-section), we started up again. It was slow going at first as it felt very funny at first and was somewhat uncomfortable.

Now fast forward 2 1/2 months and it has started to feel good and normal again, but our frequency just isn't up to my liking. At the end of the day I am exhausted from work and having to take care of our baby, but I'm still more than willing to put that exhaustion aside for something fun like sex, yet he's just tired and uninterested. The frequency of our lovemaking has dropped to probably about once a week, and for me that's just not enough. I was unsatisfied with twice a week, haha. I've tried teasing and flirting, kissing on his neck and all of the things that used to work so well, but basically it's been a steady downhill since we got married.

He basically tells me that when we first met it was new and exciting and thats why his sex drive was so good, the only problem is that I was just being myself. It wasn't new-relationship excitement, I really am just very sexual. So now I basically just feel frustrated all of the time, and it's not just the frustration, but I also get depressed because to me sexual intimacy is very important, it makes me feel close to him. And especially now when we have only a few minutes at a time to be alone and intimate (small child) I yearn that closeness even more.

I try really hard to not put pressure on him because I don't want to seem selfish, but I think that going from wanting sex every day or every other day to only once or twice a week isn't asking much.

If I were a different kind of girl I'd just find somebody on the side to take care of my urges, but I'm not like that at all. I love him and don't want to be with anyone else. It's not only that, but to me intimacy makes me feel closer to him and I love that. I guess he's ok just knowing that I love him, but I need more than that, I need to express it.....often, lol.

So what do I do? It seems the more I push the issue the further I'm pushing him away, but I can't help it, it's what I want. I want to have a very healthy and active sex drive, and when we got married I thought that's what it was going to be like. Now I'm just frustrated and often confused as to why he doesn't want me as much as I want him.

Help.

Sorry Kassie - I wish I could help. I am in the same boat but we are a bit older than you guys. My husband sex drive seems to be lacking and mine is in overdrive. If is not a good feeling but hang in there and keep working on him (gently).

It seems that when my libido was less than normal he wanted sex alot - which I gave him - but now when I want it he is less than willing.

When we do have sex I make it very pleasurable for him in hopes he will want it more.

Good Luck!!!!