I hate sex

**WildChild** · 09-12-2009 02:12 PM

You aren't devoid of sexual interest, you can cum masterbating, you have had some interest in the past. Certainly the drugs may be a part of it and oddly enough some of the products sold for depression have "side effects" that essentially are depression. Any chance of getting off of them? Post partum was a while back. My ex was on several anti-depressants for pain management and being very analytical, said that they created a distance from life. He felt more like an observer than a participant.

Our brains are kind of simple minded in that whatever we tell them, tell ourselves, they believe and will act to make it true. The brain also doesn't really "hear" qualifiers. So if you self talk yourself with things like "I don't want to have a low libido" Your brain pretty much "hears", "Low libido". And it says, "I can do that". It's not just what you say to youself, or what you think, but how you say it. The more often, the higher the drama or emotion with it, the more impact it makes.

There may be many factors in your situation, changing the way you talk to and about yourself will help. This has been proven over and over by the experiences of millions of people. One thing you can do is to immerse yourself in material on this subject, start retraining your thinking. Books like; What to Say When You Talk To Yourself, Think and Grow Rich, Kiss My Tiara, The Red Book, Mama Gena, even Suzy Orman, all address aspects of changing your thinking and improving your selftalk.

You may also benefit from looking at some different aspects of sexuality and learning new skills, check out the Welcomed Consensus and books such as One Hour Orgasm, Extended Massive Orgasm and The Orgasm Loop, unlike many materials which focus mainly on male arousal, these are all devoted to female arousal. Start thinking juicier, sensually. You may be emotionally dosconnected from your body. Another book I would recommed is, The Heroine's Journey. This may sound like a lot but you never know when something will click in place, hit just the right note for you to open the door. It sounds like you are essentially flat lined emotionally, it's ok to wake up and feel. You have to give your self permission. Yes that means you may feel negative things but it also means feeling the positives. Don't give up.

What things do excite you? Does anything give you a thrill?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-12-2009 05:27 PM

You mention "Lust" and the great sex with past boyfriends, yet you had no "lust" for your husband when you met, so to me that means you loved him, he was older, wise, you knew he loved you, he would make an excellent Father and so you married him after 6 months.

So, to me, that says if there was no lust with him from the inset, then how can you visualise and go back in time and see this and regain it? It was never there. So your searching in circles to come up with it, lust and you can't find it because it was never there, hense you can only recall your past relationships instead and perhaps this sets you off to I can't do it. Seeing as you can do it on your own.

So, to me seeing as it was never there, go away, take time out a couple of days 3 if you can, leave the children and be a "couple" what you missed out on by getting into married live only after 6 months of compatibility in other areas and a form of love.

See, if you can be girly, have a new dress, high heels, a nice romantic dinner, champagne and tell yourself, it's the beginning of a new relationship don't view him as your husband, rather the guy you met that you "forgot" to lust over, start it now.

But away from home, usual familiarity and children.

CW

**danceintx** · 09-13-2009 11:57 AM

I would rule out the meds since you can O while alone and have a desire to do so, I don't think it's having that lust for your husband more than likely, my ex was repulsive to me toward the end and I could still have an O with him if I tried. Is it a possibility you have pressured yourself into not being able to? I mean has the anxiety and pressure of wanting to do this with your husband in itself made you not be able to do it?

**Isabellacat** · 09-13-2009 02:03 PM

Since you've mentioned having your husband get sex elsewhere,maybe you should consider finding a new sex partner? I've felt that feeling of hating sex but I noticed it's because my partner was'nt exciting anymore or lack of a partner. If you can cum while masturbating that's a good sign you actually like sex on some level.

**FearNoArt** · 09-14-2009 01:44 AM

Treehugger - I've experienced/am experiencing a similar situation. In my case, I hated the idea of even being touched by my fiancee. Our sex life had been very successful in the beginning, and had evolved into a seriously undesirable event. About 2 months ago I was prescribed a depression medication that seems to be positively affecting my libido. I went from "I hate this but alright I'll do it twice a month" thing to "I kind of want it about once a week" which, for me, was a big deal. I only mention this because your extreme aversion to physical touch reminds me so much of myself. Hope that helps!

**snokitten1158** · 09-14-2009 12:20 PM

I want to chime in...
First of all, I've always seen the word "hate" as one of the strongest words in vocabulary. I have to qualify that by saying it's a very strong word for me... it's like the ultimate repulsion word, hate to me is stronger than abhor, or despise... it's just a very strong word for me. Also for me, since I am single and alone, masturbation is sex... therefore it's hard for me to agree with you that you hate sex, since you enjoy your 30 second quickie agreed?

What you may abhor is the idea of engaging in having sex with your husband which is actually what you are saying, than the more general I hate sex thing...

From what you have said, him being older and all, perhaps him needing sex as often is not as important as it once was, but I can't say that is true for all older (men) people because from experience I seem to want it more and more but that may be because I'm just lonelier these days than when i was married. But as long as he is still interested in being sexual with his wife and his wife seems to be a loving companion, perhaps you two can work out something where he gets to be with you in a non-intercourse way, yet still have his intimacy needs attended to with you and by you... that way he's not frustrated, you don't have to engage in the act and who knows maybe you both get what you need and you find yourself wanting more and more each time? I hope I am conveying the idea clearly. You can let him hold you. You don't have to kiss him. You can touch and caress him. He can feel you close to him... a lot can come from intimacy. It doesn't always have to be about sex.

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