Thread: I hate sex

Round 3. Ok. More to the point. So many of you out there are trying to help. Thanks!
Story of me. Short version. I met my husband 7 years ago. I new I wanted to start a family. I was older when we married and new what I wanted and it didn't take long to find it. I fell in love over night it seems. He is a great man. Our relationship is honist with love and admiration for one another. I knew he would make a great daddy to our kids. I was ready for peace and simplicty we could offer each other and to a family. We married 6 months into our relationship and had a baby a year later. Then a year and a half after that, we had our last child. It's been a ride that I woldn't trade for the world.

He is 10 years older than I am. I have pondered if this is the reason why I have such little desire. I don't know. I wanted a older guy but, he doesn't look older... he treats me as his equal.

I went on Zoloft 6 years ago because of post partum depression. I realized then that I had been dealing with depression all my life in some form or another. We all know the main side effect can be a decrease in sexual drive. So I went back to the doctor and was given Wellbutrin to take along with the Zolfot. It helped slightly. Still low...

I then went to a therapist. I loved the growth I do while in her care. It is eye opening. Not easy though. I was asked one day to evaluate weather I ever had a drive in the first place. So we explored.

In my younger years? Some, with some of the guys I dated... It was great. Most of the time anyway. It was still not easy to reach for the stars so to speak...

So what happened? I look back to the beginning of my relationship with my husband and in the beginning, I see that I didn't have the "all out lust" I shared with my past relationships. Mind you were a bit lax in the maturity dept. Could this be it? You tell me...

I never thought my lack of sexual attraction would ever come up this intense. He never pushed me into any thing I don't want to do. He is so sweet that way. I try, I am honist. I never fake anything with him. I have always told him the truth. Or at least what I had the knowledge of. We have done all the little things that loving people try to do in this situation. He loves the fact that I try. We try.

The other night we tried, I am so sad with myself that I can't get there with him. Now I see it with him too. And he knows it's not him. I thank God for that. When he finished I told him how sorry I was and what a disapointment I must be to him as a wife. I said with tears, "Go find a girlfrind to do this with. I feel like giving up." He huged me and held me. He said " Oh right- never, your my love, we will get this."

I told him I have shut down, I don't even want to kiss any more. I hate it because I know I will be a disapointment in the end.

I put to much pressre on the end "O" we have discovedered. So I just go with it now. No expecations. Still nothing.

Here is the kicker. I can have the "O" while I am alone. I even think about him while I do it. (Not all the time, I have to be honist) I only do it when my body needs it though. I can tell I need the release, hence the 30 second thing mentioned above. We have waited for this so I can do it in front of him but um nothing...

Another thing I have explored is attraction toward someone else. Another guy. But #1 can't do it because of my vows, #2 I don't have the desire for them either. Not even Brad Pitt... My therapist asked me if I was attracted to women? I can honistly say no. At this point I wish I was... Haha It would be something anyway.

I have never been sexually molested. Never a bad experience with sex. I am active and love to run in the mornings and greet the day. I am happy with me. My self image is good. So there you have it guys...

Ever heard of A-Sexual? Could this be me? Can a person become this? Maybe I have always been a tad this way, silent scream happening here