Flower123

...So this is my first time ever talking about this.. but I've had a lot of questions lately. I've been with my fiance for 12 years... since I was 15. It has been kind of rocky at times, but since we had our daughter 6 years ago, things have been much more stable. When I was 20 I found out he had been cheating on me with girls throughout high school.

He was the love of my life and and the only guy I've ever had sex with. I ended it then, and we didnt speak for a year and a half. I never remotely came close to getting over him and eventually we got back together. Unfortunately, I became pregnant very quickly, before we fully resolved our issues. During the times he cheated on my previously, it was obvious he wasn't happy in the relationship.

I was young and naive and in total denial about it. Years later, I guess i've figured when you fall in love so young, sometimes these things just happen. As time went on, our relationship got better and better. We were finally planning a wedding and trying for more babies. Right after he proposed I found on his myspace and through his phone records, he was talking dirty and talking about sex to all different kinds of people.... women, transvestites and men.

There was only evidence of this behavior in the last 2 months. He was sharing pics of his penis and he had another penis in his phone. He was texting different people he met on myspace 100 times in 1 night. I called the people, most lived out of state, and all said they never met up. He said it was purely fantasy and all about the chase. I called off the wedding, moved out and ended it. Eventually we talked and we were able to finally really discuss and work through all the issues from our past and we were way closer.

I was never emmotionlly and sexually 100% because we hadnt worked through our issues until now. Our relationship has been better than ever. Now.. I found what appears to be a the tip of a torn condom wrapper in his car. he denies it. I think that since he's working so hard to finally get married and have more kids, yet doing something behind my back.... he maybe hiding bisexual feelings. sorry this is so long!!!

Its hard t wrap up what has been almost half my life in a short story. I know i'll hear "once a cheater, always" but when theres a child involved I cant just say F* this jerk and run for the hills.. I'm still in love with him.. its just been a crazy couple months..

Flower123

In recent years I have not been very sexual... I was more focused on work, college full-time, our child and he was pushed aside. Our sex life consisted of missionary position and my attitude was "lets get it over with". Although, I never suspected any cheating at all throughout this he did tell me ow sexual he is and unsatisfied he was. Recently, I've oened up again and our sex life has been great.. we do it several times a day, all positions, text sexual things, etc. However, I don't think he is still satisfied. He wants anal sex, which I agree to once a while, but he wants it more. This adds to my confusion........

angeleyes

I would not trust him at all. With all the signs you are seeing and that condom wrapper in the car. He is definatly doing something wrong. I have been cheated on in the past and you have to confront him with the evidence and ask what's going on. And also ask if you want this relationship to continue or not. Because you can't and don't want to live this way, you deserve better.

Joy

I know none of us have the quick answer for this but we can offer support. It s hard between a couple when one or both are not being honest. If he is exploring bi sexual feelings he may not be totally comfortable with it all himself yet. It add's pressure and it s unfair to make you wonder.

Protect yourself from STI's as you unravel this complex situation. Keep talking each day

OhThereYouAre

What exactly are you asking for?

Advice/support/ or our opinion on whether he's cheating?

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Kallygirlie

It does seem like he's exploring the bi-sexual feelings. Talking dirty to men and having a picture of a penis in his phone? Like others have said before, he just may not be comfortable with it. It could be embarrassing to him which is why he's not talking to you about it. If you guys are going to be together you need to sit him down and talk to him. YOu need to tell him you cant have a future with someone that continues to lie. Tell him what you've found and let him answer for it. Dont accuse him of anything because that'll put him on the defense and you'll get now where with it.

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danceintx

Well, condom wrapper corners don't just jump in my car, and I certainly don't keep vagina pics on my phone unless I am attracted to vagina's. Just sayin.
Obviously this guy has problems, I would keep my distance if I were you til things get straightened out. So you can see with a clear head.

CHANDLERS WISH

He may have an addictive personality and gets off on the laugh of what he is doing, via My-Space and the picture of the penis only you can tell us if it's bigger, alot bigger than his.. And, if so, he may be forwarding this to other women... It could be alot of things.

When we "snoop" we find things that we then automatically see "inner gut feeling" oh oh... So maybe it wasn't a Condom wrapper.

Also you admit that you've been neglectful in sharing intimacy.. You say 2 months, it could be alot longer than that.

You also point out that you've changed all that, this is why I am thinking he's been having a bit of fun with people for quite some time, mainly because he wasn't getting any.

He has "told you" he's sexual and that he was un-satisfied... Do we listen? Sometimes a little late but sometimes just in time.

You say that he has sent his own penis too... But, as I said the other one could be reserved for "certain people".. I have this dork on MSN that was such a nice guy pftttt and eventually he let his "inner-self out" naked photos, I laughed but I also said, do it again and I won't talk to you simple.

He opened up that his relationship wasn't as he wanted, he was highly sexual and can't help himself. Once every 3 months, guaranteed, he presses MSN, calls me red lips due to the lipstick I was wearing, obviously sexually frustrated and his photo is naked... I ignore him but it was interesting having the chat with him and understanding his thoughts. He stated he loved his girlfriend and they had loads of sex but she wasn't open enough to all his fantasies and she wasn't as sexual as him.

I think the key to your answer is to open up more and talk more to him about his sex drive and if he had a wish list what would it be, what are all his fantasies and how can you participate. I think you will shock him. And, I think that he may actually open up a little more.

Is he cheating? Only you know if he has the chance to, if he's not home when he should be.

Did he cheat in the past? Yes, he admitted that but I am also assuming he was young at that period of time and not ready, batchelor.

Is he a batchelor? In-other-words, is he really ready for committment or just wants to because he doesn't want to lose you but still, somewhat wanting to still live in the past as well as the present...

CW

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DimeyScienceChick

I definitely feel where you're coming from about there being a child involved...I've been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs and sometimes i just want to hop on the next thing smoking and BE OUT! But then I think of my child and how I would like for her to be in a home with both of her parents. So you're not alone or wierd for feeling like that. As far at him being gay/bi....It's always hard to ever think that the guy you love and have sex with could actually be into dudes. It's amazing how often it is true though--down low brothas! There should be absolutely no excuse for there being a picture of a d*ck (that's not his) on his phone! Fanatasy?! Come on now, even if it is a fantasy and he's never been with a guy, the fact still remains that he THINKS about it. That right there should really be enough to give you the answer. I think that he needs to be real and honest with HIMSELF first...and realize that he can't live this "double life" without hurting you and the child....