demidemi

I'm almost 18, and have been with my boyfriend for around 14 months..I HAVE had sex with him, about a year ago, and he was my first. Before i met him, i was a virgin, done nothing, and was waiting for that perfect guy.

I'm completely in love with him, it sounds so corny, but he's everything i ever want in a guy and he absolutely adores me. And, this might sound modest, but I could probably get any guy i want if i tried, I'm not ugly or anything. He's just perfect and i know how much he loves me and that's why I've picked him.

The thing is, i hate sex and everything about it. I dont like it and never had. I think he kind of pushed me into it the first time, which was a couple of days before he went to England for 2 months. It wasnt complete sex, but enough to call it sex. I'm sterotyped as 'hot' but I still get conscious of my body, especialy during sex.

Of course it is enjoyable to some extent, but then i get to a point and just want it to end. I hate talking about it, and I've had dreams about it how much i hate it, and even wish he did it with someone else to leave me alone. I dont know now if its psychological :S

He's been surpportive and generally when I'm anti-it he'll stop anything.
We went through a period where we'd have sex everytime we saw each other (eg. weekends coz of Uni and School) but now, because of me, i dont think we've had it in a couple of months.

I just dont like the thought of it, it makes me sick, and anything said about it is even worse. I just avoid the topic and if i can, sex itself.
I also just fake pleasure. If he asks if im close i say yes just to get it over with. He tries to please me, but he just cant get through to me.

I dont know how to fix it
He loves sex, and has achnoledged that he knows i see it as dirty or just an added aspect to the relationship, whereas he sees it as a way to love me more, and for him to feel closer to me.

He just wants me to be happy
But i want him to be happy and i know he's happy when sex is part of the relationship, and im sick of pretending to fake enjoyment, pretending to like sex when i dont, or just doing it for him whilst hating every moment of it. I want to do it for me aswell.

Please someone help.

OhThereYouAre

Are you orgasmic?

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Kallygirlie

Well dont you just sound like me when I was your age. I lost my virginity at the age of 19. My boyfriend was living in NC. We were together for 6 months before I went and stayed with him for 6 months so we didn't have to be apart. My care ended up breaking down and I had no way home. He took this time to tell me that he couldn't be with someone who wouldn't have sex with him (after 6 months of saying he understood my desire to wait until marriage). He told me to either have sex with him or pack my stuff and find a way home, broken down car or not. I of course did it mainly to keep him. From that point I hated sex. Couldn't understand how anyone enjoyed it at all. He wanted to we shaven down there so he used nair. Boy that was the best 2 months when his 3rd degree chemical burn was healing...LOL!!!! I was so relieved he had no desire to touch me from the pain. I'd try to keep us out as late as possible to avoid it. it even got so bad as crying in the bathroom after everytime. I know legally I approved but the way I felt was like living with a rapist. I was a toy, I felt raped and stripped of everything.

i'm not saying you feel that bad. I know you love your man but its not horribly uncommon for someone who wanted to wait to then regret it. I think you just need time. I to always wanted them to hurry up and get it done with. It wasn't until my current boyfriend that I even starting enjoying sex. After my first, I did not have sex again for about 5 yrs. I went as far as dating a virgin knowing he wouldn't want it. Now the first time you orgasim, i think your view will change but you gotta calm your mind first. The first time I almost orgasimed I totally stopped it because I was embarrased. I couldnt even speak of the word sex.

I'm 26 now, with an amazing man that satisfies me in everyway. If you feel like you were forced to have sex with your current then maybe that is holding you back aswell. I think over time you will find you like it but i think your mind is just so overwhelmed with alot of stuff.

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Krystal

demidemi

Wow Krystal, thankyou so much
so much of that relates to how i've felt..its so uncanny. I thought i was just weird or something, but your experience has really helped me understand how I think I'm feeling..thankyouu!!

Kallygirlie

You are most welcomed.

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Krystal