Freaking Out.....Is My Boyfriend Bisexual?

**lovebites** · 10-03-2009 02:07 PM

Hey all.

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 2 years now. And throughout the entire rship thus far, we've had really great, frequent and satisfying sex! No complains there. BUT, once he felt comfortable with me, he opened up and told me something he NEVER told another person in his life before.

He said he wanted to try anal sex. And I know this is not rare, so OF COURSE I was open to trying it out and must admit, it was better for him than me. However, we then started talking sex toys, he brought it up and again I was open cause he's my first and I wanted to try it all. So we bought a strap-on online and occasionally I'd " him". He said it was his fantasy and I was glad to satisfy that need of his. Then he started wanting to wear my lingerie cause he said, men's underwear doesn't make him feel as sexy and he only does this behind closed doors. Outside, he's totally comfortable in his boxers.

Then recently, I accidentally came across his email and saw an "Adult FriendFinder" email and obviously I was curious so I opened and checked his profile out. There wasn't anything in terms of msgs from anyone but I was a little upset cause he had joined the site in Jan 09 which obviously we were in a rship then. He only had 3 pictures, all three wearing my super sexy red skirt, with my pantyhose. I know that's not a huge deal cause a lot of men like their womens lingerie. But his site information kinda got me a little insecure. I wasn't too thrown off about the part he said "I love girls soo much, but also love getting ed by them" which is fine. But then, I also saw that he mentioned how he was experimenting with the site and only just found the courage to post pics. Then he said, he's never been ed by a real , only toys, but that he would like to try it someday! I freaked out!!!!!!! Then he said, sometimes he liked being a girly girl but that he would never give up his cause he likes to girls and how he's taken now anyway. He also mentioned how it was rare to find a girl who wants to get ed by another girl with a !

I mean, can anyone make sense of this? Could it just be a phase or do I need to talk to him? I gotta admit, I'm definitely gonna try and him more frequently cause while I don't really feel much since I'm using a strap-on, I like feeling the power of a man. It's nice sometimes. And I know if the tables were turned and I had a fantasy, he would be the first to satisfy my needs. I just havent found something I really fantasize about yet. I'm wondering if he is just confused cause if you knew him, he's never attracted to men, he just thinks women are so amazing, he says a womens body is so much sexier than a guys one.

PLEASE HELP ME.

**baja** · 10-03-2009 02:15 PM

Sounds definitely bi-curious to me. Could be a phase or a prelude of things to come. I'd say chances are 50-50.

**LanaBear** · 10-03-2009 02:18 PM

I'd say bi-curious too. But have you talked to him about what you've seen? You definitely need to get some communication going regarding what you are concerned about, what he feels/desires/fantasizes about.

**lovebites** · 10-03-2009 02:21 PM

I hope it's just a phase though. I really don't want to be in a rship where years down the line he decides he wants to a man. I love gays, but I'm too straight to be in on the action. Like I understand if he's curious, but how do I start the convo? I mean other than the snooping by accident, any idea how I can bring it up? I'm at such a loss right now, and can't stop thinking about it. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-03-2009 04:23 PM

The one thing that stuck out to me was his comment on that site, "but I'm in a relationship anyway"...

Bi/Straight/Gay - I tend to think that a person is loyal irrespective if that's their nature and it seems that that's his nature.

He's also been open and honest with you about what he'd like to try and you have accomodated this, been open as well to it, all-be-it because you state, I think, he's your first.. so, he will talk to you I believe if he wanted to try that and not do it behind your back.

I think it's more curiousity.

I think he believes in being loyal.

But, I suggest you put some boundaries in your relationship, because the only fear I have here is that, the more you give the more he will take.

So, have a general discussion about his likes and dislikes and yours too, it's a two way street and make it clear that you wouldn't accept that in a relationship, MM...

CW

**lovebites** · 10-03-2009 05:26 PM

Thank you Chandlers Wish. I think you make a good point and yes, I think I'm definitely not going to give in to anything more than his fantasies, as in if he tells me he wants to try a threesome with another guy, I'm gonna be like ummm, no. But i really doubt that would happen. But never say never eh? Anyways, my point is, you're right, since I am his first and the only girlfriend he ever mentioned any of this to, I do feel to a certain extent that he will def not be doing anything behind my back. The least I need is to have to worry about both sexes now. Hahah, I think being bi is harder than just liking one type of sex. Not that I have anything against bis but you know what I mean? I don't think he's really bi even though his freaking profile seems to suggest so. I'll investigate further, need to think of a good way to bring it up without making him worry that I won't be open or worst, that I snooped into his email, even though I swear, that was a total accident (he didn't log off on my laptop).

Thank you SOOOOO much everyone. I woke up today having hardly slept just continuously worrying about this and we live together (he was away with his brother for a night picking up a car pretty far away) so he's due back today. I am just so confused that's why I figured I should talk about it here.

Your comments and replies help me. I look forward to hearing more from anyone.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-03-2009 06:11 PM

I'm still "anyone"

One comment, ...."you'll investigate further" noooooo... "You'll keep open communication and maintain trust so that your relationship works.

Don't snoop a second time...

Bye lol.

CW

**lovebites** · 10-03-2009 06:43 PM

Oh don't worry, when I said I will "investigate further" I meant, by talking to him slowly and so as not to make him worried abt telling me the truth, if any. I just need to know. I think he's just confused cause he talks abt having a family and life with me but I think if I work more on satisfying his fantasies (which I admit, don't happen as often as he'd like) then this won't be an issue for us.

I won't snoop. Promise.

If you have any other advice for me, I am willing to hear. Thanks : )

**OhThereYouAre** · 10-06-2009 06:33 AM

What a revelation. You seem to be taking it pretty well.

Just so you know....adultfriendfinder is a site where people find other people just to meet up and have sex. I knew a girl in college who used it. Ya, she ended up with HPV.

Anyway - he definitely sounds like he's bi curious. This is something you two are going to have to talk about. You need to know if one day he's going to make the switch to men.

Good luck.

**Kallygirlie** · 10-06-2009 06:54 AM

I agree with the others, def bi-curious. my only issue is you seem fine with the fact that he's on adult friend finder looking to "experiment". Male or female, it's cheating if he does anything with any sex. I think you need to talk to him about that.

I myself have had guys break up with me and end up gay. I didn't see it coming because he never talked to me about his fantacies. He at least feels comfortable enough to express those so hopefully if you talk to him, he will open up about this.