Girlfriend of 6 years has become asexual

**ZMA** · 10-08-2009 01:11 PM

First of all, thank you to everyone for all of the feedback, it was more than I expected and better than I expected. I'll give a more thought out response later because i'm at work now.

But to address a few things:

Physical Issues: I didn't specify enough- she HAD a physical issue that the Gyno found 6 months ago. She still had a small piece of hymen, which she got removed. In my girlfriends defense, she really is trying. She got that surgery, and now she's actually seeking therapy. It's been slow-going, but it's way more than most girls would do. The gyno said around 6 weeks for it to heal- we waited twice that and it still hurt her.

STD's: No. We lost our virginity to eachother, and we STILL got tested just incase somehow we had something wrong. She did have a couple UTI's back in college. College people are not known for their cleanliness (i.e- me). So I admit, we may have had sex at times when I probably should have showered before hand. Not like I was dirty but it's common at college to say " it" and skip a day of showering. Especially when you have shared bathrooms that are across the building. Never since, though.

**OhThereYouAre** · 10-08-2009 01:18 PM

Originally Posted by Kallygirlie

man OTYA, you sound like a bitter man thats been burned one to many times sometimes.

If one can't handle constructive criticism, I think it's they who need to ask themselves if they are bitter.

Originally Posted by Kallygirlie

I can honestly related to your women in a sense. It may not hurt to have sex but I've been dealing with this female issue thing for 6 months now which puts my mood at 0. I dont want to be touched, sometimes kissed or even hugged.

And just a friendly suggestion: you may want to go and re-read some of your older posts. A lot of what you have been saying lately deviates greatly from stuff you stated a few weeks back.

**LittleLady413** · 10-08-2009 09:22 PM

The exact same thing happened to me and my boyfriend. We were dating for almost 4 years, and we had sex everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. I enjoyed the sex and was always ready and willing. But about a year or so ago we stopped having sex as much. Just as you said, it went from once a day to once a week to once a month to hardly ever. And it wasn't his fault either, he still wanted to do it all the time but i just never did. I didn't even like kissing him anymore because i always knew what it would lead to. My libido had literally disappeared. I started getting mad at him whenever he would try to start anything, because I "wasn't in the mood", or i "was tired", or i "was too stressed". I always had an excuse. I do believe it had something to do with boredom, and a loss of attraction. After almost four years i just don't think it was as exciting as it used to be. Also, i think alot of it had to do with the fact that he was rarely able to make me have an orgasm, so i stopped seeing the purpose in having sex just for him. I think it might be the same for your lady. I honestly think that the aches and pains are just excuses, i mean i have never heard of anyone getting pains from giving handjobs! I hate to say it but i think that your second thought might be right. Maybe she wasn't getting as much pleasure out of sex as you thought she was? I know i faked orgasms quite a bit to make my guy happy. I am on birth control as well, and maybe that does have something to do with it, but i have since broken up with my boyfriend and my libido is back in full swing! Sorry to be so blunt

**Kallygirlie** · 10-08-2009 10:21 PM

Originally Posted by OhThereYouAre

If one can't handle constructive criticism, I think it's they who need to ask themselves if they are bitter.

And just a friendly suggestion: you may want to go and re-read some of your older posts. A lot of what you have been saying lately deviates greatly from stuff you stated a few weeks back.

ok well in the words of a previous post "Whatever"

Anywho. I really do hope that everything she is saying is true. I know birth control can do a number on a women. I wouldnt know from experience because when I was on bc i wasn't really having sex. Didn't have a man. Now that you give a little bit more info, I think she could be having an issue but still I think she's using excuses on why she doesnt want to still pleasure you. I've never been one to say "since I cant enjoy then neither are you". Like I said, I still take care of my man even tho physically I can have sex and dont have the mood. Does that mean I dont want it? No, not at all. Him and i get fooling around and i want it so bad but I know I cant. is it possible that at one time it hurt her but now it just scares her from it. I know last month, my women issue subsided and I still didn't want to do anything because i was scared it would come back and well it did which makes it worse on me.

Hun its hard for us to say exactly what it going on but she surely needs to keep going to the doctor

**Texasred** · 10-08-2009 11:03 PM

Originally Posted by Kallygirlie

man OTYA, you sound like a bitter man thats been burned one to many times sometimes.

Sounds to me more like a man who's been married a while.
Sometimes "bitter" is what the truth sounds like.

**WildChild** · 10-08-2009 11:35 PM

Originally Posted by Texasred

Sounds to me more like a man who's been married a while.
Sometimes "bitter" is what the truth sounds like.

But he's not married and is fairly young and has a lovely lady he loves.

Sorry, if that's your truth. There are plenty of women here with some pretty tough realities. There are enough frustrations and hurts to go around on every side. What we need is more openess to sharing perspectives and possible solutions and that means listening not just trying to tell women (or men) what they should or shouldn't do or feel.

I don't think there are many orgasmic women that shut down sexually without a reason - just to be mean to a man. Something has gone very wrong for her, between them.

Being over 50, I've had a few years in the world and I have a habit of chatting people up and getting them talking about things they don't usually talk about. There are a lot of sexually frustrated women with men who for whatever reason, just can't hear them. The problem works both ways, but in general in our society men learn to be more upfront and blunt about what they want. Women are less likely to expect to, so they have more trouble articulating and communicating about sex. My own experience has been that a lot of men think they know what a woman needs and simply shut out anything that doesn't fit that preconceived picture - my first husband was a classic. "Everyone else has liked this - there must be something wrong with you". Yeah, like I didn't fake it?

Dispite the sexual revolution. we get a lot of mixed messages about sexuality. There are some groups trying to pull us back into the "good old days" of frigid women and sex only for procreation. There are others trying to cope by encouraging "domestic discipline" as new part of religion. While on the other end of the spectrum we have "Girls Gone Wild", but interveiws with those girls reveal that most aren't orgasmic and are doing it hoping it will attract males and get them to "like" them. In the middle are we women and men who are trying to make some sense of it all and help create some balance. Those of us who are orgasmic and have dealt with some of these issues try to offer some insights and possibilities to help others. What works for one, may not for another. There are many perspectives and opinions and people have to sift through and see what resonates with them and their situation.

**OhThereYouAre** · 10-09-2009 06:27 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

But he's not married and is fairly young and has a lovely lady he loves.

Indeed.

The situation I presented was the counterpoint to your example and nothing more.

Seems like we already have some folks who fall under this category.

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