Thread: My Opinion, My Life

Originally Posted by Greydog72

Question 1: If it is know that contact with your partner helps with stress and releases endorphins, then why is there always a problem with one partner using that as an excuse? I work a very stressful job and so does she, but if we have a chance to de-stress together, doesn't that make sense for other couples too? I have always thought of that as a poor excuse.

My thoughts are....when one enjoys doing something, they will tend to do it as often as they can. So it would reason that she obviously doesn't enjoy sex as much as you. There are a variety of reasons...

-natural (meaning hormonally induced)low sex drive
-preconceived notions....maybe she was taught her whole life sex is dirty and wrong and bad
-it doesn't feel good. whether hammering our penises into a woman's feels good for us, I can see how some women wouldn't necessarily like it.
-she is anorgasmic. when i have sex, i want to get off. what's the point, short of pleasuring your partner, otherwise?
-she's taking care of it herself

Those are about the most common things I can think of. Have a talk with her, ask her what it is.

Originally Posted by Greydog72

Question 2: I would do anything for her and that's what I seem to do..but she wouldn't do anything for me...I'm talking our whole world, just not in bed. I'm always given in but always answering to her...can u do it for me things. How long do you think, someone should give in as long as there is no abuse. If I'm given in and not receiving, her needs are being met and mine are not....And I know the answers some women are going to give me, but I'm looking for the ones who understand what I'm saying. I think, my situations has been a lot like women, in this situations, because of the level. But again, that is my opinion. If I upset you....Sorry. And yes, I do the laundry, wash dishes, pay bills and send her love notes.

I think this has more to do with her personality. Has your relationship taken a turn for the worse? When one partner loses interest or hope, they can become very cold and selfish. If your needs aren't being met, again, you are going to have to sort out her reasons for her behavior. If she's willing to work on it, you are in luck. If not, there are other women who would salivate at a man who wants to please them in bed and then do their laundry afterwards.

Best of luck to both of you.

unfortunately many women are brought up to think of sex as dirty and it is very difficult to get past 20+ years of upbringing.

Thanks for the response, there all great. Nice shock.

First, I know I'm venting....sometimes you just have too.

Second, I know we have emotional issues, but I think we are at different levels of our relationship. We have been married for almost 20 yrs. and after we make love or if I look frustrated, she says thinks like, "at least it's better and more then you use to get". In the past, we where having kids, I never pushed it as much because she used it for an excuse and she has even admitted to that. I have finally, for about the last 1 1/2 yrs., got my bed back. But know she will sleep with one of our kids and say she fell asleep. I don't push that because she makes a big issue. Just trying to pick my battles, if you know what I mean...And yes, I think it is an issue.

As far as counseling, believe me I've tried. In fact, even tho I'm not a counselor, What I do is similar. I have to do tons of research on disorders of all kinds and when I suggest it, she will say things like, "do I look like one of your patients". I guess that's why I love this site. It helps.
She does have some issues from past: not rapped, but touched by friends dads and a old bf that just saying his name will make her twitch. But she will not talk to me about it. I have tried. It's like she enjoys feeling bad about it...like she wants to feel that way and the only thing that is trying to change that is me.

I personally, don't understand why people us stress for lack of intimacy. If I'm stressed, cuddling, kissing, and even making love would be a good way to end a bad day. Even if my Johnson was to tired to work...her touching and kissing me would be wonderful and falling asleep in each others arms would reduce stress. That's why I don't understand, why people use it for an excuse...hope that is more clear.

We are doing better, but I feel like she is comfortable with the growth we have achieved. I tell myself almost everyday that there is more I can learn, from others and myself. That my growth will not stop until the day after I die...and then, it's a new beginning...(but a different subject and post). I don't think it's a scientific chemical or research problem.

As far as conditioning, we have all been condition from birth. If you knew anything about my background and history, I should have died in the city streets with some old gang bangers...people are surprised to hear about my background. I have people of the same heritage that say, you don't act like the rest of them... And believe me, I love my heritage and who I've become....again, job. I look past, and believe me, I have to, see more then the surface. I've been doing it for over 16 yrs. and love my job, because it has helped me grow too.

We as humans have a gift. We can change. We can move. We can decide. We not only are motivated by instinct but by emotion. If you put your hand on a fire you move it..instinct. But if a loved one beats you to a pulp, we stay...emotion (Sorry, that may not be a good example)

I love my wife...I have never cheated and never will. I believe she has never cheated either, but sometimes I wish she would so I can move on...sad, I know. And I will always love her...she has given me something more value then my life...the life of our kids. I believe that we have soul mates, but I also think they are made. We become soul mates by give and take. Do I believe she is the only women for me...I think it's up to her. Do I believe I'm the only man for her...I am trying to make it so.

Again, thanks for the venting blog. It helps...try it.
God Bless..

PS. welcome all response still...thanks