Is masturbation "new" to her? Maybe it's just extra fun because it is new?
You really need to talk more and get to the bottom of this. harboring hard feelings is not good. It is going to drive you apart. Maybe that is what she want's? Wondering isn't going to help. You need to tell her why this matters to you so much, how you feel about her and all that is happening with the 2 of you right now.
"When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don't see the one that has opened for us."
Helen Keller
I want to do that badly, at the same time...I never thought ever that she would choose to do that over me if I was home. I guess the "core" of it boils down to that if she can act/think like that, it really makes me question if all the other things I thought about "how she thought" or "acted" are also complete . It tears me up that either I dont really know her, or that everything I thought I knew is questionable.....where it never was before. I've been in a few long term realtionships before.....but never before her did ever felt like I loved and knew someone at the same time. It was always one or the other or neither.Originally Posted by OhThereYouAre
I caught on to that...I'm not sure anyone else did....
That would be a nasty feeling. And I think it's pretty underhanded, personally, but you're gonna get no love here regarding this topic.
Work on it together. Let her know maybe the reason you aren't always able to get the job done with her is because she's masturbated beforehand.
Figure out what is acceptable to both of you and move on with life. Time will heal your what ifs.
No, not new to her. She said she always did it occasionally....but also says at the time when this all started happening it was far more frequent...and then tells me she did when I was home, ...first it was only "once"....after another conversation it was more like 6-7 over a period of a month but "that was the only time I ever did that when you were home" Obviously, I feel like it has to be far more than that, making me question other facets of our relationship.
I haven't chimed in on this one because you were getting a lot of good feedback, but here goes it.
Communication, communication, communication... And even then, that may not help to be honest. She may have felt the need to get off, but like Tex said, may have been embarrassed about coming to you for that. No matter how much you tell her you will never reject her, it's the embarrassment factor of - oh - you mean a woman actually wants sex, wants to get off, wants a quickie. The stigma, so to speak.
More than likely it is not you or anything about you. I speak from experience. For the longest time, I had the hardest time initiating it. I don't know why, it was frustrating for him to say the least. Just try talking to her more about it. Can you two come to an agreement of no masturbating for a week or so? Or at least no masturbating without the other present? I know it sounds funny, but it could work. It opens up the communication a bit about how and when she wants it. Both of you have to go to the other person when you feel the need. The agreement would include that the other should not deny that person, obviously within reason. That way, hopefully, she gets comfortable going to you when she needs.
Just a thought...
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
To her credit, brother....her handling of this situation isn't necessarily indicative of her behavior in other areas, or of her conduct in the future.
I guess be happy that she told you she was doing it. Volunteering that she was masturbating is a tough thing to do. I've only had to do it once, and while I'm not necessarily ashamed of my sexual conduct in the past, being asked that question is daunting.
You're gonna have to look at her conduct in the aggregate, most importantly how she treats those closest to her. Does she lie to her parents/siblings/friends, or does she treat them with respect? Does she talk smack about her best friend the second she walks out the door? The way she treats those folks will most likely be the way she will treat you once you two are 100% comfortable with eachother.
As far as marriage...man I'd push that back. Sex is a huge issue, and you don't have to be genius to figure out that problems will become more pronounced as you progress through life. Dont' call it off, but make it a long engagement.
You'll find out soon enough if she's willing to work it out. If you want to solve the problem, you need to be willing to make sex enough of an incentive to allow her to slow down her masturbation habits to more tolerable levels. Ask her what you can do to make it more enjoyable for her. Tell her you're willing to do whatever it takes, and that the journer will require effort from both of you, physical, and mental.
Good luck. This revelation i'm sure was hard to swallow. I'm around if you need any support.
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