Why does he do it ?

marie20055 · 10-19-2009, 12:03 PM

I have been with my partner nearly 10 years and sex has always been an issue in the early days it was ok never fantastic but ok. I found he was looking at porn and masturbating and he would do this rather than have sex with me this left me feeling unloved and not at all wanted. He then slept with 2 people one was his ex and the second my best friend who he then let come and live with us although he said he only ever slept with her once im not sure i believe him though. Since then he was diagnosed with an illness and now wont make any effort to have sex with me but isnt doing the porn either until a few days ago when i caught him on the sky porn channels and also later that day on internet porn.

I want a sexual relationship but he doesnt what should i do

**WildChild** · 10-19-2009, 12:08 PM

Say good bye?

It was OK not fantastic - might be liveable
He's screwed around not once but twice - deal breaker
The rest is just the final straw

**LanaBear** · 10-19-2009, 12:26 PM

I agree with WC... The two times he screwed around would be when I said good bye. Move on, you'll be happier.

**Tex** · 10-19-2009, 12:56 PM

He's not worth the trouble.

**KMonte85** · 10-19-2009, 01:01 PM

I think a bigger question here than "why does he do it?" is "why do you allow yourself to be treated so poorly?"

This man sounds like a dud, both in bed and in life in general. Perhaps you will find greener pastures elsewhere...

**OhThereYouAre** · 10-19-2009, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KMonte85

I think a bigger question here than "why does he do it?" is "why do you allow yourself to be treated so poorly?"

Yes.

**kygirl** · 10-19-2009, 01:16 PM

[QUOTE=marie20055;119894]I have been with my partner nearly 10 years and sex has always been an issue in the early days it was ok never fantastic but ok. [QUOTE]

I know it's easy for all of us to tell you to leave, but really, even looking at how you started, you said it was never fantastic but ok. You deserve better. Obviously, we don't know all the details, but he's been openly unfaithful to you. He does not seem receptive to your needs at all, and even if it's hard after 10 years, you deserve better.

Being alone is even being better than being with someone who will treat you like that.

**PJhavinfunagain** · 10-19-2009, 02:31 PM

Take a look in the mirror, are you the person you want to be? If not take the first step toward a better destiny. Start living your life. Hopefully there are not children involved but if so I would not want my children to see me putting up with this behavior.

**sourpuss** · 10-19-2009, 02:53 PM

You've already given this man an entire DECADE of your life. Not only is he not interested in you sexually, he doesn't respect the relationship. Move on and live what time you have left for you. Life is short don't waste time. You tried, it isn't working.

My friend always tells me "There are so many good books on the planet, you'll never have enough time to read them all so don't waste one single second reading a bad book."

**dolphinlefty** · 10-19-2009, 03:53 PM

Great quote for you: "It's better to have loved and lost than live with an the rest of your life." Leave him. Sex is important in a relationship and he's obviously never cared whether you were satisfied or happy. You're holding yourself back by staying with him.

10-19-2009, 12:03 PM	#1
marie20055 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 1	Why does he do it ? I have been with my partner nearly 10 years and sex has always been an issue in the early days it was ok never fantastic but ok. I found he was looking at porn and masturbating and he would do this rather than have sex with me this left me feeling unloved and not at all wanted. He then slept with 2 people one was his ex and the second my best friend who he then let come and live with us although he said he only ever slept with her once im not sure i believe him though. Since then he was diagnosed with an illness and now wont make any effort to have sex with me but isnt doing the porn either until a few days ago when i caught him on the sky porn channels and also later that day on internet porn. I want a sexual relationship but he doesnt what should i do

10-19-2009, 12:08 PM	#2
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,233 Blog Entries: 5	Say good bye? It was OK not fantastic - might be liveable He's screwed around not once but twice - deal breaker The rest is just the final straw __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

10-19-2009, 12:26 PM	#3
LanaBear Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Moon Lander Champion! Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: A cozy little cottage on the moon. :-) Posts: 1,694 Blog Entries: 5	I agree with WC... The two times he screwed around would be when I said good bye. Move on, you'll be happier. __________________ Sometimes life isn't the party we hoped for, but since we're here, we might as well DANCE!

10-19-2009, 01:01 PM	#5
KMonte85 Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Southeastern WI Posts: 148	I think a bigger question here than "why does he do it?" is "why do you allow yourself to be treated so poorly?" This man sounds like a dud, both in bed and in life in general. Perhaps you will find greener pastures elsewhere... __________________ When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

10-19-2009, 01:16 PM	#7
kygirl Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Kentucky Posts: 140	[QUOTE=marie20055;119894]I have been with my partner nearly 10 years and sex has always been an issue in the early days it was ok never fantastic but ok. [QUOTE] I know it's easy for all of us to tell you to leave, but really, even looking at how you started, you said it was never fantastic but ok. You deserve better. Obviously, we don't know all the details, but he's been openly unfaithful to you. He does not seem receptive to your needs at all, and even if it's hard after 10 years, you deserve better. Being alone is even being better than being with someone who will treat you like that. __________________ It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.--Noel Coward

10-19-2009, 12:56 PM	#4
Tex Gold Contributor 500+ Posts $Tex's Avatar$ Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,136	He's not worth the trouble.

10-19-2009, 02:31 PM	#8
PJhavinfunagain Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: upper midwest Posts: 214	Take a look in the mirror, are you the person you want to be? If not take the first step toward a better destiny. Start living your life. Hopefully there are not children involved but if so I would not want my children to see me putting up with this behavior. __________________ "When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don't see the one that has opened for us." Helen Keller

10-19-2009, 02:53 PM	#9
sourpuss WH Moderator Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Montana Posts: 1,376	You've already given this man an entire DECADE of your life. Not only is he not interested in you sexually, he doesn't respect the relationship. Move on and live what time you have left for you. Life is short don't waste time. You tried, it isn't working. My friend always tells me "There are so many good books on the planet, you'll never have enough time to read them all so don't waste one single second reading a bad book." __________________ Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard. Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

10-19-2009, 03:53 PM	#10
dolphinlefty VIP Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Southern FL Posts: 58	Great quote for you: "It's better to have loved and lost than live with an the rest of your life." Leave him. Sex is important in a relationship and he's obviously never cared whether you were satisfied or happy. You're holding yourself back by staying with him.

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