saturn71188

I recently started a relationship with a good friend i've known for 7 years, things are going good, but i find myself really hurt and upset about some issues we have had with our sex life. Things started off good, but i guess i got boring or something. About 4 months into the relationship I found a lot of porn on his computer, and he was signed up for sites to meet other girls to have sex with. He also had been looking at personal ad's on craigs list. To be fair from what I know he never talked to any girls just tried to, So I of course freaked out. He wanted to be with me for so long and made me think I was really what he wanted... so i thought things over for hours at work and wrote out a list of questions for him to answer " why did you do this? What did you feel?" Am I good enough?" Do I give you a rush anymore" ect... i wrote a lot and when we talked later on he answered almost all my questions with out me having to ask them, and said he was really sorry and he messed up, Pretty much everything I wanted to hear. I guess I knew I wouldn't end things over this, but part of me wanted to. I could understand if your with someone for a long time and you try to cheat or cheat on them, but only 4 months with the girl you apparently wanted for 7 years.

Now I've tried to put it out of my mind, but I still have in the back of my head that i'm not hot enough or exciting enough and I want to desire sex more and be more into it, but I cant orgasum through intercourse. I've told him this and he said that making me orgasum during intercourse is what really turns him on. Am I being selfish but isn't it supposed to be about what turns me on? hes going to have one no matter what. I have suggested using a vibrator and asked him to try focusing more on the clit but i feel like i'm not getting through... when he tried a few times to make me orgasum by clit it didn't work... it was taking so long that i just gave up, i felt bad that it was taking so much time, and thats probably why it didn't happen in the first place. I just want to enjoy the sex we have because I love him and everything else is great. Any tips?
Thanks
sorry for the bad spelling and grammer... its 5am... i'm so tired.

CHANDLERS WISH

Porn, is "actors" they "claim" to orgasm immediately.. He's very blind, he expects a woman to be like the "actors" yet that is not the way it happens, it's fake.

He's not in-tune with reality how to make a woman cum, how to make her orgasm, how to make her feel comfortable and no inhibitions.

I am believing as life goes on that we mis-match our sexual drives, one would think that a guy who loves porn will spend the end of earth with us and get it all on, not the case, they seem to expect things immediately and get frustrated so watch porn wank and get it on.

Sorry but these threads are starting to upset me.

If a man knows a woman? He will establish what ticks for her, he will experiment what ticks for her, he will work towards two people having some orgasmic experience and it would be because he wants her to feel and him together as one.

It's false simple in my books.

They see something much like a movie of "romance" as we do, how you fall in love, same thing and expect.

They don't see the person and the two as becoming one.

Tell him to "find you" not the actress that lies... and work out how to get you to where you need to be and experience the best sex he has ever had in his life.

CW

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WildChild

Occasionally somone on here will recommend watching porn as a way to learn more about pleasuring during sex and I just shudder. Porn is designed for one thing and only one thing - to turn men on and get them off masterbating. As a general thing there is no foreplay to speak of, no tenderness and quite a bit of behavior that would be a turn off to many women. You would think that in this day and age people would "get it" that it is acting, and often bad acting, not reality, but far too many are too ready to suspend disbelief and think it somehow real.

It can set up unrealistic expectations.

You need to talk to him and keep talking. If he can't hear you and isn't willling to work on this then you need to reconsider the sexual relationship. This is about mutual pleasure and not just making him feel good.

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We can only learn to love by loving.

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