ginger22

(I'm starting this the same way I started another thread but it's not the same, promise. lol)

I'm sorry this is kind of long and vent-y.

Well, I'm a senior in high school and right now I'm going through the whole "senior health" thing. You know, the one where you wear sympathy vests and carry around a flour baby for projects.

Not that long ago I decided to have sex with a guy I've been with for a year and a half. I never in a million years expected to have sex at 17 but it just felt right and like happened. lol. He's the first person I've ever had sex with. Now, after making the decision to become sexually active I face this class every morning (first class of the day) that constantly preaches abstinence, and shows the nasty pictures of STD's and what not. Sitting in class and listening to all these speakers that come in and say all this scary stuff and how sex is bad and then going to friends that are waiting until marriage and think sex is the worst thing on earth can be really emotionally tiring. Easpecially for someone like me that's new to it and is young.

I sometimes feel really bad about myself when people especially my friends are going on these major rants about how bad sex is. My one friend said "I don't understand why I have to learn about pregnancy and stuff like that. Because that's never going to happen to me"

Now I havn't told anyone about me having sex or anything and if I did I would probably lose a lot of friends which I think is kind of sad. I like to think that I will never get pregnant or anything either, but I have sex. I like to think I'm educated enough (and scared enough. lol) to never let that happen. Pregnancy is NOT an option for me. I mean I am on the depo shot, use condoms, and he even withdrawls just so we can say there's no possible way of anything bad happening. Doesn't mean I don't still worry.

I just don't know how to get over the feeling that I'm a terrible person for choosing to have sex. Like I don't regret having sex or anything like that. It's just I feel like I'm the only one of the people I know and hang out with that's having sex. I don' want to feel bad about it but I can't help it with the way things are. =/ Any advice?

Tex

Sex is what you make of it. Sex can be incredibly beautiful, but it can be bad if you make the wrong choices, like having unprotected sex and then getting an STD or getting pregnant when you're in no position to become a mother.

But as long as you're being careful then I say go and enjoy sex. Have fun without remorse and regret. If the others want to become 80 year old virgins then that's their business and shouldn't bother you.

PJhavinfunagain

While I myself (like some of your friends) can not imagine having had sex in HS. I am not you and neither are they. If you feel this was a good choice for yourself, feel confident in your relationship and are being safe (sounds like you are) then I think you are just fine. Do not feel that you are doing something bad. And do not worry about your friends. Your business is just that YOUR business. Any of them that would think differently of you because of this are not your tru friends anyway.

The mom in me does need to mention that even though you are doing everything to prevent it there is always the tiny chance of pregnancy and you need to come to terms with that.

__________________
"When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don't see the one that has opened for us."
Helen Keller

WildChild

Sweetheart, they are pushing their chosen beliefs on you under the guise of education. I've been sexually active since age 14 and that was many years ago, getting close to 40 in fact. I've had some amazing and wonderful sex and some really miserable sex - that had to do with who it was with and what the relationship was. In other words, as Tex put it, what I made of it.

When I was your age there were 3 STDs that we knew of, one was herpes and it was almost more a rumor of something you could catch that couldn't be cured. Our main concern was pregnancy and you know I think that the BC available now may be less effective and have more side effects. I knew only a couple girls who got pregnant and they just weren't using anything or were being inconsistant.

If you are on the shot and using condoms that is plenty, there is no need to bring pulling out. Calm down and relax a bit more - you'll enjoy it more and why do it if you aren't going to enjoy it? Those other girls may be at higher risk than you are because they are not preparing and are more likely to get carried away and have unprotected sex.

Consensual sex is normal and healthy!

__________________
We can only learn to love by loving.

Iris Mudoch, British writer

PJhavinfunagain

Wonderful points WC! I wish everyone had such a healthy attitude!

__________________
"When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don't see the one that has opened for us."
Helen Keller

SFDad

Okay let me say I love sex, and my first experience was a beautiful thing. You shouldn't feel bad for having had sex or enjoying it. But...sex can be far more complicated than is often talked about- I mean emotionally.

You sound like you have been very sensible and are in a loving relationship. I would wish your experience for lots of people.

Mes_T

Oh my god. Sorry but whoever is writing that curriculum at your school obviously hasn't done any research!! This really pisses me off!!

Studies show that "abstinence-only" education not only does NOT WORK, but those students actually end up with MORE STDs and unwanted pregnancies than others. Yikes. The only reason to abstain from sex until marriage is if you're religious. It's a belief, NOT a fact, and far from everyone carries that belief in the first place.

I had the best sex ed class in college: They taught us scientifically, objectively what sex was, how it could be good, how it could be bad, what to do if something went wrong, how to respect your partner, and how not to get pregnant. Yay!

CHANDLERS WISH

You know, you have nothing to feel guilty of at all. Nothing ... "repeat" nothing, no that's for you to say

Understand that you are a mature person that has been with her partner for 18 months, not 1 month and is in love and decided why not, and it's beautiful.

That's what you need to feel, beautiful.

It's sad that they are pushing such down people's throats, my Mother tried to fear me over how much it hurt?

Just don't take it personally and understand it's a beautiful thing and not something you rushed into and pfttt to anyone that thinks differently.

It's hard but ignore, it's your life not anyone elses so you don't have to explain yourself either to anyone.

CW

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Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told

Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!

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coolguy0005

well simply stating our personal life is our right.Having sexual feelings is normal physiology and doing sex is the proper way to respond to it .Morality should be taken as that we do no harm to others while our choices of life are made by us .If you think your friends are with you just because and till your are "moral" on what they think is moral then better not have such friends .and about STDs it can happen before /after marriage So what is important is sexual protection which i am sure you must be taking care by urself .however i would say that one point of urs where u stated that the guy withdraws his organ in time and thatswhy u are safe is wrong ,even before ejaculation sometimes the fluids from organ might contain sperms whic might actully make you pregnant .so this method called"coitus interruptus"should not be relied on by any means .however i can bet that most from ur friend circle would have had sex too but they are just too afraid like you to come in front and declare it openly.However you can just go through some articles about concepts of sex in modern society by which you will gain a lot of mental support about what you are doing is not wrong but right.If you feel that you are ready for sex and you have right partner and most important if you have the urge of getting penetrated by make organ and getting friction upto climax ,you should enjoy it to maximum.

StillLearnin

Sex while still in HS is very frustrating. I know, I've been there. As a senior you have the body of a woman, but still live at home and by your parents rules. You have to get it where you can, which won't be ideal, or even that romantic. The backseat of your parent's minivan or SUV just isn't the best location. And there's always the chance of getting caught. Maybe your parents will realize that you are going to do what you want to do, and will be cool and actually sit down and talk to you about sex, the dangers of it, and the emotions attached to it. But it doesn't sound like it.

So, hang in there, and when you move out to go to college you'll have much better conditions and a lot less rules to live by. Sex will be much, much better. More satisfying, more intimate. You'll finally be your own person.

(I have a 17 year old HS senior, I've talked to him about sex a few times, need to again now that he's older, more mature, and has a steady GF. Since I was very experienced in HS [prior to meeting my wife] I won't be a hypocrite and tell him to be abstinent.)