Theresa

I truly understand. There are days when I feel like crying.

She recently seemed to reach a positive turning point???

CHANDLERS WISH

If she kisses you, looks in your eyes, still finds you attractive, still loves you, there is hope... Sex Therapists is like saying I'm "mental" and I need help, and that may be her problem with the idea...

Why not google and see if there is advice via videos? Not Porn but documentation that she can sit and listen to various people and their thoughts that may trigger ideas and connection in her own mind, in her own time, without the embarrasement?

CW

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StillLearnin

Theresa - see my other thread about "my ideal marriage" for her turning point

So check for DVDs that could help with this? That would be less embarrassing, but won't help with her opening up. Maybe it would be a good start. Something like Burman and Burman.

CHANDLERS WISH

I guess it's like everything... When we want to learn something, "baby steps" right?

So you tried the books, perhaps "too hard" a Video discussion, where people participate perhaps (women) with their problems and how they overcame them, is like the baby steps.... Can't hurt I don't think.

WC may be able to answer what type, as she is into books and learning, and may know of a Video..

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It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told

Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!

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rcoreyus

It was a somewhat different situation - a disagreement on whether to have children. The therapist looked for the standard obvious issues, and didn't seem to follow the complexities of our situation.

In this case my wife initiated - I think if I had, she might not have been very receptive.

WildChild

I think it would help if you could find a way to put some fun or adventure into it. So that it isn't about "fixing" anyone or anything but about expanding and enhancing. People tend to resist anything that implies there is something wrong with them.

How about trying some new things, not so much for sex as just sharing? Like couple's massage, or a massage class? That would bring in lots of touching and exploring in a relaxed, caring situation.

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StillLearnin

I'm trying putting the fun back into it. Believe me, I've tried about everything in the book.

She said that she would get some books this weekend and start home study. I'm good with that as long as she takes the initiative. Like you said, baby steps. We'll start there to see if that helps. I'll give her a while with books, then suggest a therapist again later after she's had some time.

I brought it up a couple of nights ago and of course she was all defensive about it. I'm just trying to help her, and to help our marriage. I only have good intentions.

Keep being patient, be patient, be patient, be patient...

pretzel

Myself, I'd keep the talk of the therapist to a minimum. Not to say it won't happen. As you said, she's defensive about it. Let that go.

It may not be the pace you'd like but it does seem to be a step forward. I'd hate to see the 2 steps back because she feels she's being pressured even though she knows deep down that it isn't right. She more than likely knows that you are just trying to help and that you're intentions are good, but you have to do it at her pace, not yours. We're both living the same situation so I completely understand the frustration.

The adage "Patience is a virtue" really is true.

StillLearnin

That's all I've ever been with her. Patient. For the past 25 years. I'm sick and freaking tired of being so d*mned patient. I want to move on with my life. Hopefully with her.

OhThereYouAre

Have you laid the law down?

After so many years of other failed approaches, this might be a last option.

Some people only learn when they understand the dire consequences that could transpire.

Sad.....but true.

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