i need help :( pleaseeeeee

**secrets** · 11-13-2009 12:58 PM

Okay so my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now. In the beginning it was great, he was sweet and we had a great connection between us, we would have sex like 3 times a day everyday (sometimes more). Then he started to change, he started being mean and would hurt my feelings everyday. I noticed we werent having sex near as much as we used to but i really didnt mind. Now his attitude is down to calling me a and all these other names, which I hate with a passion. He knows that it gets to me when he says/does the stuff he does. He gets very very very angry at me now because metally emotionally and physically I do not want to have sex. It just doesnt feel good anymore to me and I just totally do not have a sex drive. I dont remember the last time I was turned on and actually wanted to do it. We can go two weeks without having sex and ill be fine but he'll be ready to pull his hair out. He says I dont do it with him because I dont love him but thats not true, I love him with all my heart but I talked to my mom about this and she said my body is shutting down because of the way he treats me, i really need some advice.. what can I do to have sex? I want to do it and I want to feel good but how?!

**GlitterAndStuds** · 11-13-2009 01:09 PM

I agree with your mother about your sex drive shutting down because of the treatment you're getting. It's been said a lot of times here that women are much more emotional when it comes to sex, it's more than just a release for us. I certainly wouldn't want to have sex with someone who treated me that way, even if I WAS horny. You don't feel that strong emotional connection to him outside of it like you used to, which was your drive to have sex with him and be close to him, I think.

You need to have a talk with your boyfriend. Has there been anything going on in his life that just caused him to start acting this way? Is he stressed about anything? I'm not saying that would justify his behavior, but it's a start.

**ThexMrs** · 11-13-2009 01:12 PM

Get a new boyfriend and have sex with him... That's what you can do. I'm sorry but you don't deserve this kind of abuse. He does it knowing that it hurts you and obviously he doesn't care. I wouldn't want to have sex with a BOY like that either. The fact that your body/mind is shutting down because of his abuse doesn't seem like a sign to you? A sign that you need to leave him. You are only going to be emotionally scarred the longer you stay in this relationship. I know that's not the advice you asked for but that is what you're getting. You really need to value you yourself a whole lot more.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-13-2009 02:28 PM

If you reallyl think about it, you "love" what you originally had and that is what is being bought for-most to your mind.

As soon as verbal abuse or any abuse is bought into the equation, our minds slowly tune out and he then becomes a "person", not whom you were in love with. It's the last thing on your mind as he discusts you with his taunts/words, so does he discust you physically to look at.

It's your "past" time with him your hanging onto.

No man has a right to verbally, emotionally or physically abuse someone. Once they do, they will always be the same and it will occur again, it's time to find a better boyfriend.

It's strange but true... When you commence a relationship it's always "roses", honey moon stages and people don't show their true colours. Once comfortable, the true colours come out.

In effect, he is belittling you in order to try to control you and get his way... Thinking by putting you down you'll cave, be weak and go with it, as your self esteme will be low, except it's gone the opposite way, because your actually a strong individual whom demands respect.

You need to say this to him... I demand respect. Your verbal abuse is just pushing me further away, grow up.. it's not the way to move forward in a relationship, communication/respect and compromise is. You've alot to learn and starting now, you change your pattern and quit calling me names and show your love and we will see, or you can go.. right now...

COMMAND RESPECT MADAM.

CW

**kygirl** · 11-13-2009 02:51 PM

Originally Posted by ThexMrs

Get a new boyfriend and have sex with him... That's what you can do. I'm sorry but you don't deserve this kind of abuse.

I have to agree... You said he says these things because he knows it's how to get to you. You don't do that when you love someone...You AVOID those things... And you def dont' do it over and over again... I don't know if you've talked to him or not and maybe you might want to try that... BUT in my opinion, that's just unacceptable.

Women often tie emotions to sex...it's kinda how we're programmed...he can't be cruel to you and expect you to be all over him...

I'd get the out of Dodge if it were me....

Good luck!

**danceintx** · 11-13-2009 05:00 PM

Your question is how can you desire to have sex with a man who is emotionally abusive??? This man could be my ex husband, same situation. I was called names, locked out of accounts, had all the money taken out of accounts, had my cell phone taken, etc, etc. Then we had to argue daily about why I didn't want to have sex (heeellllllloooooo). This man is abusive, if he wants you to have sex with him so bad, he should be the one trying to get help with how he treats you, not you!!

**rcoreyus** · 11-13-2009 05:45 PM

What does he do to deserve your love?

**WildChild** · 11-13-2009 05:50 PM

Have nothing to add, it'a all been said. Show him the door.

**Texasred** · 11-13-2009 09:46 PM

Your bf wants to break up with you but doesn't have the balls to do it; he wants you to do it so it can be your "fault."
Dump the jerk and do it yesterday, for your own self-respect if for no other reason.

**ThexMrs** · 11-13-2009 11:11 PM

Originally Posted by Texasred

Your bf wants to break up with you but doesn't have the balls to do it; he wants you to do it so it can be your "fault."
Dump the jerk and do it yesterday, for your own self-respect if for no other reason.

That was one of my thoughts but I felt it less important due to the fact that she needs to leave him regardless. Abuse whether it be verbal, physical or mental is never okay. Thanks for pointing this out though. Maybe that is what she needs to hear.

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