My wife masturbates after she thinks I'm asleep...

**Tod121** · 02-22-2011 06:09 AM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Tod it sounds like your wife is a sexual woman... but that she really only gets to delve into those feelings when she is stress free... which sounds like when she is home alone... unfortunately you are not there also in those moments and for good reason... ya gotta work. Perhaps you can help create more of those moments when you are home... like getting a sitter and taking her out more often. You guys have kids and responsibilities and so much that can get in the way of making her feel like the sexual woman she is I think the more alone time you can squeeze in the better... even just to go for a walk in the evening a couple days a week.

A time to connect... where you both promise to talk about anything and everything EXCEPT for your jobs or your kids... so it will be like dating again. Most couples lose that intimate connection when their every waking moment together revolves around susies grades or bobs undeserved promotion etc... They say if you go on dates and don't talk about your kids or money... it will leave you guys to talking about the things you use to... your thoughts on a variety of things from art to cinema to hobbies and so on...

Flirt, compliment, be naughty, send HER a dirty text throughout the day... start that slow burn in her mind that will come to a boil by the time the two of you are alone together... reconnect.

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All makes sense, just hard to put into practise due to kid's demands and a severe lack of money, i.e. we're struggling to afford the basics let alone treats and evenings out but I know this is all down to re-prioritising, etc. I thought yesterday to make a bigger effort to smile, cuddle up to her even if she is ranting at the kids or moaning about the lack of money. Doesn't always work; can often get shrugged off but she seemed to appreciate the interest last night. When I worked from home about a month ago and she skipped out with her sister, I texted her, turning the tables and saying "I was bored" and she just replied saying "there was plenty of washing and ironing to be done", I replied saying "I had something else in mind", I had no further texts from her that day.

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-22-2011 06:15 AM

ahhh, I can understand your frustration about her taking off with her sister... but your text wasn't exactly a tempting one "i'm bored"... wouldn't exactly get her heated up and running home

I would be sort of offended, like... ahh... so you're bored and just expecting me to come home and 'entertain you'... next time try with the ... i want you so bad right now... or some steamy message that will get her to hurry home.

**Tod121** · 02-22-2011 06:49 AM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

ahhh, I can understand your frustration about her taking off with her sister... but your text wasn't exactly a tempting one "i'm bored"... wouldn't exactly get her heated up and running home

I would be sort of offended, like... ahh... so you're bored and just expecting me to come home and 'entertain you'... next time try with the ... i want you so bad right now... or some steamy message that will get her to hurry home.

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Point taken but I just started the text the same as she has with me. 1 reason for not being too obvious is in case her Mum or sister picked up her mobile and read it for her, if she was busy or something, quite possible as they are very "clicky".

**WildChild** · 02-22-2011 09:52 AM

Originally Posted by Tod121

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Point taken but I just started the text the same as she has with me. 1 reason for not being too obvious is in case her Mum or sister picked up her mobile and read it for her, if she was busy or something, quite possible as they are very "clicky".

Well then mayge they'ii get the hint and give you some space.
If you go reading other people's texts/emails/letters you can expect to get embarassed.

**Slick1983** · 05-26-2011 09:15 AM

I, too, caught my wife masturbating. Thinking back, for probably a year, she has been going to the bathroom to "warm up." She's cold natured and I thought nothing of it. But, two days ago, she left the door ajar a little (she's clostraphobic and almost never locks or shuts the door) and I saw her. She was naked, but asleep with hand between her legs. I woke her up and she jerked her hand from her vagina. We have not discussed it, but I believe she knows I saw her. I also peeped in later and saw her legs moving and I've seen other clues, so I am sure she is masturbating.
My heart raced, I hyperventalated and was so excited, since I thought she had given up on sex after menopause. I started reading about it before I asked her to join me. But as I read some of these and other posts, I am becoming discouraged, sick and a bit jealous. I believe she will feel like I am violating her and either deny it or certainly keep it private. She is a very honest person and said she had never masturbated when we met and has shamed me for doing it (until about the time she took it up herself). She is much the lady, missionary only, although she use to give me oral sex. I love her, I want to have sex with her, I would like to masturbate with her, but I want her to stop doing it on the sly. If anyone has made it through this, please let me know. I honestly, don't know what to do.

**oxy-moron** · 05-26-2011 01:00 PM

Get into massage with her.
Buy some body butter( Shea butter and coconut oil)
Ask her to let you massage her feet- back- legs.
Ask her to massage your back.
Make the massage light and sensual. It will take weeks or months to be effective but eventually her oxytocin levels will climb to the point where she will develop an interest for more intimate contact.
Good luck- Keep us up to date with any progress.

**Slick1983** · 08-01-2011 05:56 PM

I was like some others on this thread. I couldn't wait and I confronted her. She explained it all away as coincidences, I felt foolish and dropped it. She cut down her long stays in the bathroom and I began to try to reestablish our sex life. Slowly, she returned to the long bathroom visits, usually an hour long. I confronted her again a couple days ago, asuring her that she could masturbate in bed with me and that I would only do what she wanted, do nothing at all, even not come to bed until she was finished. I told her it was doing it in private that bothered me, not masturbating, which she knows I do. Again she denied it. I hate to tell her I peeked in and saw movement and heard soft groans. I want to give her privacy. I also want her to be honest but she can't be and she usually tells the truth no matter what. I don't want to keep bringing it up, giving more and more evidence. What would be wonderful together is tearing us apart. I feel like she is cheating on me.

**sarah14** · 08-02-2011 04:39 AM

one nite i was layin in bed drifting a sleep and my partner must of thought i was sleepin anyway he started masturbating and i didnt kno how to react to it, it turned me on but i didnt want to wake up just in case he got annoyed wit me or somethin like that, but after readin the previous comment i wonder how he would react if i tried doin it to myself i wonder if it would spice up our love life