Thread: (man here) Can't take it any more

I definitely would not even think about kids in a relationship that had communication problems to that extent and other problems to the point you can't even have enough sex to accomplish children. Honestly every relationship I've been in where I shut down like that ended eventually. Some within months and some after years of trying. If you can't open communication back up and get things to where sex is just wanted instead of requested eventually things will go from bad to worse and come apart.

The main thing I noticed is when I started to shut down the guys would get so needy, clingy, and obsessive that it made things worse. All those little attempts to make me feel loved just made me feel like all they wanted was sex and that they wouldn't leave me alone. Which is why I've already suggested once before for guys in that situation to actually back off. Chill. Calm down. Stop pushing. Go back to just trying to be comfortable around each other and have fun instead of pressuring her. I know it's hard but for the moment stop asking for sex and start asking to be a friend. Suggest something relaxing or to go out for dinner, a movie, whatever to give her a break from her day instead of trying to put sex on her to do list while she seems busy doing other things.

I'm sorry you're still struggling to get affection from your wife. Have you suggested therapy?

I agree with StillLearnin ... enough is enough. You CAN'T keep walking on eggshells because it's just going to lead to YOUR unhappiness. And although she is your wife... YOU still have to take care of yourself. No one can do that but you. If you keep TRYING to please her that's just what will happen. You'll keep trying.... And you're going to end up resenting yourself or maybe her for trying so hard and getting nowhere.

I say you should seriously think about therapy if you want to stay with her. But if this issue has been going on for more than 6 months... then I'm sorry to say it's not going to get much better. It might... for a little. But not the change that you're looking for.

Originally Posted by kira

I definitely would not even think about kids in a relationship that had communication problems to that extent and other problems to the point you can't even have enough sex to accomplish children. Honestly every relationship I've been in where I shut down like that ended eventually. Some within months and some after years of trying. If you can't open communication back up and get things to where sex is just wanted instead of requested eventually things will go from bad to worse and come apart.

The main thing I noticed is when I started to shut down the guys would get so needy, clingy, and obsessive that it made things worse. All those little attempts to make me feel loved just made me feel like all they wanted was sex and that they wouldn't leave me alone. Which is why I've already suggested once before for guys in that situation to actually back off. Chill. Calm down. Stop pushing. Go back to just trying to be comfortable around each other and have fun instead of pressuring her. I know it's hard but for the moment stop asking for sex and start asking to be a friend. Suggest something relaxing or to go out for dinner, a movie, whatever to give her a break from her day instead of trying to put sex on her to do list while she seems busy doing other things.

I'm convinced you didn't read my entire original post. I've done the dinner thing. I've done the build-a-fire thing. I never put any of this on her "to do" list unless its been well over a week or two and we both have free time. I always give an out.

Some of you make me feel like all of men's needs should be secondary. I'm sick of feeling second.

Swiftus,

I agree that it seems you have tried so many things. If there is no response, then you seem left with two choices: stay or go? Perhaps some time apart would help both of you sort this out.

She needs to tell you why she is behaving this way, and whether or not things are going to change!

I'm not a fan of ultimatums, but perhaps telling her, "I NEED this conversation to happen or I'll have to start making decisions" might give you some indication of her willingness to tackle this challenge...