Thread: No sex/porn/sex fantasy addiction/???respect????

Why in a "mature" relationship (ages 49 and 53), two bad marriages behind us and I thought we were totally "made" for each other until...... well, he does give me everything, tells me he "loves" me for which I do believe he does and I think in an unhealthy way, at least for our relationship. Our sex life has gone to NOTHING. He has a very "creative" sexual past and active one. I have recently been made aware that he is seeing "" type girls(he knows them) to just act out his fantasies with. He says he "respects" me too much to treat me in that way, even though some of those things I like and have asked for. He says he can't do that to me. I'm like on a dang pedestal or something. Well, it's ruined our sex life. We are engaged, but I can't go on knowing he has and is going out doing this, on the net looking, chatting, etc. I think it is truly a sex addiction that I'm not getting the best end of the deal with. I know if I confront him with the fact that I know, he will think I've been spying. I just happened to accidently stumble over something that let the cat out of the bag. It will end this relationship for sure if I talk to him about it even though he is the one that is exploring outside our bedroom. So my question is, can a man love, truly love a woman so much that he cannot be totally open with them sexually. He is open about everything else, shows me off, surprises me with things all the time, but he is a bit controlling. I'm am in need of some major advice. HELP!!! I need a man's side of the advice. I know what my friends say. They tell me to get the heck out of here. I have no where to go now. I've totally moved here and live with him. I will have absolutely no where to go. That scares me, but the fact of everything else that could happen scares me too. Please help.

This does not sound too good... But I'd have to say that I'm a bit confused. what is happening exactly? Is he meeting girls online and then meeting up with them in person and living out his sexual fantasies with them and not you? or is he doing webcam stuff with these girls?

He sounds very sexually confused and at his age... you are going to be hard pressed to get him to even consider altering his ways. If you can't act out your fantasies with a willing partner that wants you to... but are so heckbent on acting them out that you will find other women (have an affair) to do it... you definitly are likely not only a sex addict, but one with some deeply rooted emotional problems as well.

You love this man, you want to be his lover, not his mother and it sounds like he has placed you in this category where he can't be "dirty" with you. But still has to be "dirty" so does it with other women.

Would you really want to kiss him on the cheek and say have fun honey while he is headed out to explore sexual sides of himself with other women while you sit at home, miss purity, miss china doll in a box to perfect to be touched. That is no way to live.

Start working on getting yourself the option to go. It sounds like right now you don't even HAVE the option to go because you have nowhere else to go. THAT should be your first priority , working on becoming independent so that if you decide to stay you are doing so because you WANT to, not because you HAVE to.

He's talking online and then meeting up with at least one or two that I know of. One is married and her husband is there sometimes with them. He says in a way that gets around my question of "have you been with any other girl" he answers that he has not "fed" them, which means maybe is hasn't gone that far but has done other things. I hate it, I hate my life, but no where to go. I've tried to confront him recently, but he wiggles around the questions. He doesn't know that I know many of the things about at least one encounter.