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About LinkBacksIt may not technically BE rape in the laws eyes....but that doesn't mean a person can't "feel" raped.
It may not technically BE rape in the laws eyes....but that doesn't mean a person can't "feel" raped.
"I might be a little young, but honey I ain't naive"
"If it ain't an APBT, it's just a dog"
This is a severe distinction that many miss, and not to make lite of the OP's situation, but that word is thrown around innapropriately at times.Originally Posted by hello_pitty
I think that the entire point is, regardless of whether or not this is legally or technically rape, this is the way the OP FEELS, for whatever reasons, and I can relate. Whether you are in a relationship with someone or not, your body is still yours, whether it be sex, masterbation, where you go, who you talk to you. The decision you make with your own body is still yours, no one else has the right to take that decision away from you, regardless of marriage even.
“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” - William Arthur Ward
Anxiety is very real.. It can make you make conscious decisions that, otherwise, you wouldn't have made.he gets really grumpy and his negative energy makes me really anxious too.
That shows a form of affection. Do you still love your husband?I just hate to see him not being able to sleep and all that, I let him do it.
Medication will make you dry... Your husband isn't being caring at all, if he doesn't understand this, and help you with it, such as lube, if you don't like oral sex, but you shouldn't be having dry sex, with or without permission. He's being selfish.sex started to hurt again.
Why do you feel that? Often our intuition is correct.. I would say you "let him", because he's your husband and so you felt/feel that you have to, but you've gotten to the point that for instance, he is having sex with you, your dry, it hurts I am sure you have told him that, but he still carrys on, irrespective and this upsets you.I've just realized that my husband pretty much been raping me all these years... there were times I did use word "NO" before but he didn't listen.
I didn't want to be pathetic so I just accepted... this is the way it's supposed to be...
As such, you've evaluated things more.
Do you feel because your married, that "you have to" when ever he wants? Is that what you mean by
It's not the way it's supposed to be.this is the way it's supposed to be...
You say no, it should be respected.
You say "dry and painful", he shouldn't ignore it.
If you feel that he's always "taken" never given and you give because your "married" and "have to", then I think it's time to re-evaluate your marriage.
We don't get married to be controlled. He does not have it all his way.
I hope you come back to your thread and give us more insight, we're here to help.
CW
Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 12-25-2009 at 01:19 PM.
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Agreed.
And the OP specifically states that she made the decision to "accept" the situation as long as her husband fnished "asap".
People at times throw around the "rape" word without warrant, and I don't have much tolerance for an accusation as strong as that. Allegations such as these can ruin a person's life, whether they are guilty or not.
I've had sexual relations with a couple women....who have threatened to say I raped them when they found out that I didn't want to date them explicitly.
It isn't a phrase that should be tossed around flagrantly, much less in hindsight.
What the OP is describing may not be forced sex, but it's certainly coherced - she's giving in under duress at best. Sounds like her H is thinking of himself and not her at all. In a marriage aren't you supposed to become one? Would he want to be treated like he's treating her if the situation were reversed, or would he want just a little bit of compassion and understanding? A little of that goes a long way, and would probably do wonders for her libido.
The depression is a problem that needs to be taken care of if it hasn't been. I've been in a similar situation as the OP, and the depression was because of the treatment I was receiving at the hands of my so-called H. At first, I too couldn't get enough. As years went on and emotional abuse took its toll, sex was the last thing I wanted and he began humiliating and ridiculing me to no end. Threatening, bullying, intimidating, guilt-tripping ... and the entire time I believed it was all my fault, just as he wanted. He did go so far as rape. I've removed myself from that situation, but it took many years. No more depression.
OP, I hope you get the help, compassion and understanding that you are needing.
Have you ever been forced into sex before?
I know that's personal, but I was forced into sex by an ex-boyfriend. My very first experience -- we were fooling around, and I told him I did not want to have sex. He pushed himself on top of me, I told him no, that I was not ready and he did it anyway. After he got what he wanted from it, I tried to lay beside him and he pushed me away, "It's too hot," he said.
I stayed with him after this for over a year.
He did this to me several times. It got to the point where I would just lay there and let him do it. He called it making love. He made me sick. He would hit me, he busted my nose once and his mom saw him do it to me. She didn't do anything. He would scream and yell at me, telling me I deserved nothing more than him. His then best friend is my husband now - and he is a wonderful man. Neither of us have anything to do with my ex boyfriend anymore. I wasn't the first he did this to, his girlfriend before me said the same things.
My overall point is that after I left him and began seeing my husband, we waited a long while before being intimate. I had a lot of problems when we were intimate. Sometimes I would shut my eyes, and all I could see was my ex's face. I still have problems with this. Sometimes I can't even make love with my husband because I think of times I was forced into sex by this ex. No one should make you feel like all you are worth is sex. He should not get angry or agitated over it, especially if he loves you. This treatment can have a very devastating, lasting effect on your mental and emotional well-being. No means no--husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife--whatever the label is, when you say "No," that means NO.
No one should coerce you into having sex. OTOH, a person should feel free to leave a relationship if they are not happy with the amount or type of sex they are getting.
I just stumbled upon this site doing some research and found this post.
As a suvivor of a violent rape I agree with the above.
I understand and feel for the OP's situation. But the word "rape" does not fit her delimea. Wording like feeling taken advantage of, depressed etc etc come to mind.
I mean no disrespect, but please understand that "giving into sex because you don't want to here him whine" is not rape.
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