sex with a Christian

**sapphire** · 12-26-2009 01:50 AM

I lost my virginity to a christian leader of the Christian church youth club I went to he was 5 years older than me. I was "under age of consent" but I consented and liked it so its not rape.

Anyway I was raised christian and I sometimes feel that experience has made sexual experiences confusing for me,

im never commited it scares me, I take risks in sex and have had a few threesomes. Sometimes I dont know what parts of sex are ok and what parts of sex are not ok..

He was someone I loved a lot and he took advantage of me. The relationship ended not long after we had sex. He blamed me for it, then told me it never happened.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-26-2009 02:10 AM

I think that this "deeply is rooted" in your mind.

He may have been telling the truth, (reading your other threads), he may have felt wrong as he is Christian.. "at that time".

But, then getting into threesomes and sleeping and MSN'ing the guy on his own, then your new thread of another guy, your hot for, your confused and I think, relate sex to "relationships".

Alot of young girls do. See, sex is an emotion. But there are two ways of looking at it.

1. Is you know full well what your doing and want and have already committed to yourself that is what it is going to be, sex, that's it.

2. You "give" sex, beleiving that it will turn into a relationship.

I believe that you want to be commited in a relationship. And, If so, then stop sleeping with ANYONE.

Make the guy go out with you every few days, for some time, not once a week, or he's away for months and then you do having, known him along time but only as sort of intimate for a real short time.

Guys need to get to know the person inside, likes her, then wants to date her, and loves that and then wants to be exclusive and consequently intimate.

You own your body no one else.

QUIT the MSN's, on-line sex or pictures or links so you can see each other.

Your going to continue being taken advantaged of, as your accepting which is great, all situations you've put yourself in you've been happy with that decision.

But, deep inside, it's the faith. And, what that means, and you didn't and aren't like that.

Your being you.

But, save it for someone worthy, or have sex, (safe) sex, (only safe sex), if you want, but with someone SINGLE, full stop, you have self worth, your a good person, you deserve someone un-conditional back to you don't you ?

Your going in a complete circle, cut it off. It now has sharp edges to overcome...

Work on you, your life, your friends, your job, your family, you.... And, see all the beauty in that and give your sexuality with heart to someone who had to wait for you, but you need to know you, love yourself okay, because we all get hurt or make a wrong management decision...

Your worthy of that commited relationship, sit back (stop swearing), ..nb: on another thread

and say yep, I can hold off and date and wait instead, no more of giving and getting nothing...

CW

**sperosi** · 12-26-2009 05:09 AM

did that experience make sex confusing for you, or is your faith making sex confusing for you, or is it both? what are you confused about?

you say "Sometimes I dont know what parts of sex are ok and what parts of sex are not ok." but I dont know if you mean certain physical acts, or if you mean certain circumstances.

**rcoreyus** · 12-26-2009 10:56 AM

I don't know what country you are posting from. In the US what you describe is a serious crime (even though you consented) and if convicted he would be labeled a sex-offender for the rest of his life.

**newhere808** · 12-26-2009 05:25 PM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

I don't know what country you are posting from. In the US what you describe is a serious crime (even though you consented) and if convicted he would be labeled a sex-offender for the rest of his life.

Statutory rape is a big deal, but given the fact that she said she not only consented and enjoyed it, I cannot bring myself to feel bad, and supportive of the idea that she was taken advantage of. Then again my stance on that would depend largely on her age at the time, more than his. Depending on the state, below age of consent could 17 or 13, and there is a huge difference.

As far as what your going through no OP, I think CW has given some great advice. Sex is different things to different people, and for the most part, we are our own compase. If in hindsight, your encounter with this guy when you were younger has somehow caused you trauma and ruined your opinion on whats right and wrong sexually, then you may wish to talk to a councelor about it.

I believe a persons body is their own, and if they want to do what they want with it, then so be it. But i've always been of the mind that sex should be shared with a partner, not a booty call or random encounter. I think everyone is worth more than that.

**rcoreyus** · 12-27-2009 09:48 AM

I'm don't think she should prosecute, but I am worried that if she mentions it (maybe even to a therapist?) they might be forced to report it. I don't know if therapists are required to report crimes.

**WildChild** · 12-27-2009 10:02 AM

Not only does it involve a statutory situation related to age but also the violation of a position of trust. The man's response of telling her it "didn't happen" and blaming her are pretty classic behaviors of a sexual predator. Bet she isn't the only one he's done it to.

Sapphire, your confusion regarding sexual "rightness" or "wrongness" are probably more related to your upbringing than to this one incident. I could tell you that my own definition is that it must be between fully consenting adults, in private. Period. The range of what turns people on is huge and that they freely and truly consent is the biggest factor. That can be more complex than many think - if there is any pressure, it could be a problem. To me, that it is done in private is also critical. It isn't anyone else's business.

You have to define for yourself what is right for you. If you are doing things that you really aren't comfortable with then perhaps you need to rethink what is going on?

**newhere808** · 12-27-2009 06:59 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Not only does it involve a statutory situation related to age but also the violation of a position of trust. The man's response of telling her it "didn't happen" and blaming her are pretty classic behaviors of a sexual predator.

True enough.

**ThexMrs** · 12-28-2009 04:39 PM

Not only does it involve a statutory situation related to age but also the violation of a position of trust. The man's response of telling her it "didn't happen" and blaming her are pretty classic behaviors of a sexual predator. Bet she isn't the only one he's done it to.

I agree with this but I can't help but not feel sorry for the poster. She wanted to do this and it seems now like she's blaming him for her confusion. Was he involved in her confusion? Sure but she needs to look inside herself for the answers because she was a willing participant.

**ThexMrs** · 12-28-2009 04:45 PM

Also, because I have read the other threads I can't help but feel she took one experience (that she willingly participated in) and turned it into a scapegoat for her promiscuous behavior. I feel like this is just an excuse.

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