We all have diiffering needs sexually. Just because you might find sex every couple of weeks acceptable, doesn't mean others will. Personally I love it every day. Far too many couples fall into a rut sexually and seem to pretty much quit or see it as a bother. In my opinion If you have to masterbate daily or every couple days because of infrequent sex, it's probably time to reassess the relationship and have a talk.Originally Posted by NK543
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Yeah, I would love it every day as well, but life makes that pretty difficult for a lot of people: illness, work schedules, children, fatigue, periods, etc. Even for someone like me who could go at it every day there are times when there are simply other things I would like to do or times when I am exhausted from work/etc.
That shouldn't be an excuse to not have sex, but so many things come into play. Am I correct in my understanding that you think a couple who isn't having sex at least once every few days should reevaluate their relationship? I really can't understand that.
Anyway, like you said everyone is different, so there we are.
Not necessarily but over and over here we hear how things slowly slipped into a pattern of less and less sex. (or in some cases slipped quickly) If you are masterbating fairly often and your partner isn't interested, there is a problem. If you are both interested but aren't finding time, there is the beginning of a problem. If masterbation is just a relief valve and you are both really happy with your sex life then it's fine.
Too many couples let this critical part of intimacy take a back burner to everything else and then at some point realise that the entire relationship has devolved into separate lives, needs and expectations. Better to reassess regularly and find ways to keep it fresh and stay connected.
You know that old saying? Use it or lose it?
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
I think her point was if the sex frequency isn't enough for her, and attempts have been made to try to correct it, then it's time to reevaluate. Not that everybody should be having sex everyday.
There's a partner out there somewhere for each of us that will match our sex needs (high, average or low). Either deal with what we currently have (either correct it or live with it) or leave the relationship and find that partner.
Lying naked in bed next to your S/O, wanting to be all over him and have sex with him, while all he wants from you is a massage, or a light touch and then goodnight IS frustrating. Whether you are a man or a woman. Many men probably don't realize how frustrating is to try and sleep with an erect clitoris, they believe it's only men who suffer.
I feel for the OP. It also brings me in a bad mood and I turn out to be called "the bad tempered one". We can discuss it openly, say we are both going to try harder, talk about our worries, have great sex for 2-3 days and then it goes back to 'normal'. How can this not make someone moody and frustrated? Masturbation is not a solution, we want our men, neither a toy nor our hand. Cheating is not a solution either, we've thought about it but it's not just pure sex we want either, it's our man we want to do this with, not a stranger or a part-timer.
The best start (if discussion doesn't work) is a checkup, to see if there is something physically wrong with them. Maybe exercise and a healthy diet. I'm not sure as to what has a result actually. I'm afraid that once it's there it can take too long to be repaired and I've almost given up hope on improving this. And there I have him every once in a while asking about marriage and saying that sex is not that important in a relationship...
Already talked about it
As I said in a previous post, I spoke to the wife about the lack of sex several times and she thinks I'm overreacting. This has been going on for several years. A few years ago, still having the same problem, another friend showed some interest in me. It made me feel sooo good. We spoke alot, we went out to eat and just spent time together. Nothing happened, but at times it came very close. I did not want to cheat. I guess I wanted my wife to find out about it as I did not hide it well and she did. She did not believe me that nothing happened and we were very close to divorce. I surely did not want that as I love my wife and kids sooo dearly. So divorce is not an option and neither is cheating, but I feel the sex is so very important in our relationship and I am not having it as much as I think we should. I really want to sometimes tell her if she won't have sex, I will find someone who will, but that seems mean spirited and it just won't be good for our relationship. So what do I do? Would I be wrong if i just looked for those one night stands? I'm not, but I don't know what to do and one can only masterbate so much. As was said, I want the feel of my wife and her body?
Last edited by Console; 01-21-2010 at 11:26 AM.
It might be ultimatum time. Tell her you love her, you miss her, you miss being intimate and sexual with her, and if she doesn't help meet your needs that you will find somebody that will. But first suggest that she open up and discuss her issues and hangups with you, and try some counseling (she'll probably refuse to go because she says you are making a big deal out of nothing, or is a very private person and doesn't want to get others involved). Give it some time, give her a chance to change, before you do anything drastic like have an affair or divorce. And try to stay civil about it, keep the emotions out as much as you can. I should have done a better job of that. But hindsight is 20/20...
Still may well be right. Part of what committing to manogamy should involve is finding a way to mmet both your sexual needs and if one simply shuts it off, it's not right to expect the other to just lump it. Baring serious health issues. We've discussed many times here, that the one with the lower drive sets the pace. It sucks to put it simply.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
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