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About LinkBacksIts either disrespectful or it isn't. TELLING her that would be INSULTING... the action of doing that is the DISRESPECT part. You ARE disrespecting her, she just doesn't know it.Originally Posted by Aqemini1977
Its either disrespectful or it isn't. TELLING her that would be INSULTING... the action of doing that is the DISRESPECT part. You ARE disrespecting her, she just doesn't know it.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
Maybe we different definitions of "attracted" to. If I wasn't attracted to her I would not get aroused. I would not think dang she looks amazing in this or that. I would not want to actually have sex with her.I don't think you are attracted to her if you have to imagine someone else when you are trying to ejaculate. I think you love her. I think you're not attracted to her. If she turns you on with her looks, why is it not then possible for you look at her for arousal when you are actually INSIDE of her, having sex with her... listening to her breathing, feeling her body, seeing her body... in the moment.. if she does it for you, you'd think with all that visual, auditory and tactile stimuli would help take you to orgasm more so than the thought of some chick at the store you saw for 2 minutes...
It just seems like it to me. Does that mean I think you don't love her, no. But do i think you are smitten, walking on clouds in love, just so into you into her..nope, you sure don't sound like you are.
And if you are... you should try to focus on her during sex... that could be one of the reasons that she is not that into it. If you are not that into it you have think of someone else while you are inside her... gotta imagine it being even worse for her... if she's not even wanting you inside of her in the first place
Not sure if you remember from original but the visualization of another is not everytime. If I had to put a number...maybe 3 in 10 where I have to visualize.
Smitten, walking on the clouds love. How long have you been married? This is not a romance novel. Love is much more than the good parts n life. It is the ugly, bad, days where love show its most sincere form. When I am in my darkest hour...that support and words of kindness and wisdom. All of those things make up love.
I am not saying I am more qualified to speak on the emotion of love or attractiveness but having been in a 10 year marriage does qualify me to speak on my love and my commitment.
You and your SO speak on "your" idea of love/attractiveness is to each other. I honestly feel you are connected 2 things that do not correlate at all.
Visualizing someone else to achieve immediate orgasm 30% of the time does not coorelate to love/attractiveness
I don't think love and attractiveness have to correlate. In fact they DON'T in many cases. I don't think you LOVE the women you call on in your mind 30% of the time when you having sex with your wife. I know there is a difference in that.
What I am saying is you spend time fantasizing during masturbation because thats all there is. Why not enjoy sex with the person you say you are attracted to , and into, and love... instead of going on vacation from that experience to think about someone else?
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
HD
We have gone so far from the original thread posters intent. Maybe you could start a thread titled "Fantasizing about someone else during sex" so we could correctly go on. I would start on my own but I am afraid you will chime in quote start going off about that wasn't my original thread question
I've missed several pages but this line bothered me. If you need to visualize someone else to achieve immediate orgasm then don't achieve it at all. It's as if you are using your wife to ejaculate and if all you want is to ejaculate then you can very well watch porn by yourself. Making your wife believe that you physically want her and you only have her in mind when you're inside her, while you are imagining someone else is disrespectful, to put it in the nicest possible word.
How would you feel if she told you that she thinks of other men when she has sex with you? That it's not your penis she has in her mouth but somebody else's? Would you be alright with that?
30% is a significantly high percentage for such an act. Married or not. It literally upsets my stomach thinking about it.
Just my opinion.
It truly is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit...
If we knew half of what is in some people's heads none of us would ever sleep again! There is a wide varience in human needs experience and conditioning. Just because someone fantasizes doesn't mean they don't love their SO or aren't aroused by them. Some couples make a regular practice of role playing, dressing, using accents, props, creating a fantasy for themselves. Are they in the wrong because they want to "see" something other than their SO in their "natural state"?
This has digressed pretty far from the question of porn in a relationship. We have discussed on this forum what happens when porn usages get out of countrol, ad naseum. It's been drug into several other threads as well. Perhaps it's time to give it a rest for a while?
Day dreaming, fantasizing, is something we all do. It's part of what people do to motivate themselves, it's were some really great new products have come from. Unless it is obssessive, addictive or someone is sociopathic - it's no one else's business.
Personally I'm finding all this to be getting really boring.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Stressed
It is imperative that you read all of the posts to fully understand the dynamic of the conversation. All of your questions/concerns have been thoroughly addressed already.
I don't need to read 3 pages of conversation to find the following:
"If I want to ejaculate immediatly I have learned that is one method I have mastered"
"Not sure if you remember from original but the visualization of another is not everytime. If I had to put a number...maybe 3 in 10 where I have to visualize. "
In another thread you state you have sex once a month. I sense a problem in the sexual relationship you have with your wife, whether it's her, you, or both to blame is another story.
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