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  1. #21
    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    Soooo, why would a man who has a women who wants him, who is responsive, who is up for trying different things, prefer masterbation to the point that his penis is chaffed and when he does have sex he has to use condom because it actually hurts him?
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

  2. #22
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    That is something I think that is not normal, I think. There is no way that it even feels as good as the real thing.

    Is there a particular type that this person watches?

  3. #23
    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    It's pretty plain vanilla porn. Typically a bj (I gave him plenty of those for real) some vaginal sex, anal. Very basic porn stuff, nothing kinky at all. He says it's purely stress relief but may do it several times a day (not always with porn I think) if he has time. When we were having intercourse he would never go more than once in 24 hours and gradually got it to once a week, once every two weeks, once an month and down to none.

    His hands are rough and he has actually been sore for months.
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    Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Array newhere808's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WildChild View Post
    Soooo, why would a man who has a women who wants him, who is responsive, who is up for trying different things, prefer masterbation to the point that his penis is chaffed and when he does have sex he has to use condom because it actually hurts him?
    Now this is definately a problem, when it starts to take away from the relationship. Unfortunatly I have no answer for why this could be. I couldn't fathom how someone would enjoy self-masturbation over attention from their SO.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by WildChild View Post
    Soooo, why would a man who has a women who wants him, who is responsive, who is up for trying different things, prefer masterbation to the point that his penis is chaffed and when he does have sex he has to use condom because it actually hurts him?
    Knowing what I know about him, I reckon in his case he was afraid of the emotional intimacy that's a part of the sex. He won't form an attachment to the women he sees in porn, and therefore porn is safe for him.

  6. #26
    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tex View Post
    Knowing what I know about him, I reckon in his case he was afraid of the emotional intimacy that's a part of the sex. He won't form an attachment to the women he sees in porn, and therefore porn is safe for him.
    That was my guess too, especially since he was also resisting any intimatcy such as kissing. He can be a wonderful lover but I think is flat out terrified of giving in to emotion and getting hurt.
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

  7. #27
    WH Super Moderator Array Hopeless Dork's Avatar
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    I dress sexy for my guy daily, will wear any costume he wants, take naughty pix for him, make dirty videos for him, write sexy letters and texts, talk dirty to him, give him lapdances, masturbate for him, give him back massages, inniciate action in public, take direction on action in public, lead, let him lead, come up with new positions for us, open to new positions he tries on me, give him lots of bjs (to completion ending them in various ways for variety), give him access to all inputs on my body... basically there isn't a thing for him I don't do sexually that I can think of.

    He says he thinks I am hot, sexy, etc. I am fit and take very good care of my body. Always wear my hair different. I am playful and shy, outgoing and timid... I try to make things interesting. I love him so much.

    Yet... every now and then he still looks up pictures/videos of other girls and it just makes me feel heartbroken. If I didn't want to have sex with him I would understand this need... but I always do, so when he makes the choice to view porn knowing he could have me instead its hard, really hard not to take that as a personal attack on my adequecy at exciting and pleasing him.
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

  8. #28
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    That's an interesting one.. some days he likes sex and other days he prefer porn to sex, right?

    Can't have much to do with you, though. We've seen the pictures.

  9. #29
    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork View Post
    Yet... every now and then he still looks up pictures/videos of other girls and it just makes me feel heartbroken. If I didn't want to have sex with him I would understand this need... but I always do, so when he makes the choice to view porn knowing he could have me instead its hard, really hard not to take that as a personal attack on my adequecy at exciting and pleasing him.
    I know what you mean HD. It's hurtful, even when you have other men giving you the eye everytime you get out of the house, you want the notice of that special man. Too bad there isn't a non negative way to turn the tables. If men put half the energy most women do into our relationships things would be different.
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer

  10. #30
    Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+)MAY 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH Array pretzel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WildChild View Post
    I know what you mean HD. It's hurtful, even when you have other men giving you the eye everytime you get out of the house, you want the notice of that special man. Too bad there isn't a non negative way to turn the tables. If men put half the energy most women do into our relationships things would be different.

    And sometimes vice versa.

    There's a reason I'm so miserable half the time.

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