Thread: BDSM

Teenage self-mutilation is usually an adrenaline and dopamine-fueled escapism from problems real and imagined. Once "sufferers" find a new outlet (alcohol, marijuana, drugs, sex with other people, etc) self cutting and burning tend to drop off completely.

Why? Mostly because of the way the brain functions. Most pain and pleasure sensations are both situated in the anterior cortex, crossed neurons are common. Also teenage brains produce norepinephrine and serotonin (among other lesser chemicals) in incredibly large amounts compared to adults. These chemicals effect neural transmitters and in a way everything that a teenager experiences is "larger than life" (If you've never seen a 14 year old fall in love it can be pretty scary).

This actually brings to mind another thread about a gal who enjoyed rough sex. It got to the point that they needed to dial it down because when they weren't "in play" she would flinch when he went to simply touch the side of her cheek.

Violent love making is a lot of things to a lot of people, but it's kind of unique as far as sex acts go because of the psychological dominance, and the possible psychological damage it can have on a person. Personally I don't know if you should be encouraging the "inner" persona you see in him, you never know what you may be letting off the leash and what sounds good to you know may result in you getting hurt later.

Speaking only for myself, I rarely get mad, I refuse to. I keep those emotions away from the people I love because in the two times past that I have gotten truly mad, some very bad and violent things have happened. I could never imagine channeling that towards someone I love, no amount of sexual experimentation would be worth if for me. As such, I could never tap into a violent side for the sake of something like BDSM.

It may be that the two of you just need to find a happy medium, rough for you but not violent (for his piece of mind). It could be that as you slowly ask him to play these "rape" games with you he'll start to trust himself not to permanently hurt you, andhe may turn up the heat a bit, but you shouldn't expect him to be night and day about it.

You might be right. I was thinking of play rape as a fairly mild game - no cutting or hitting - just hold her down and "force" himself on her. This is a pretty common fantasy for men and women and might be more acceptable.

Lots of people are OK with a bit of spanking and such, but don't like the idea of causing or receiving real pain.

Needless to say, "play rape" is nothing like real rape. In play rape the woman is already aroused, really wants it to happen, and can stop it with a word if she wants.

Originally Posted by caterpillar79

I feel uncomfortable with role playing "rape" . She seems vulnerable, she might get bruised deep inside.

Rcoreyus: We have been together since April last year but have known eachother for a couple of years now. Our relationship moved very fast, by anyone's standards, after spending a week together in the Isle of Wight we had a painfully long five days apart, then i went to visit him and we have not been apart since, literally everyday together but we never even fight. September he had my name tattooed on his chest and we are getting married next xmas. I've always had a hard time trusting people and, however i maybe coming across, i am not naive so for me to have this amount of trust in him says a lot about him and the difference he's made on my life. He is my life.

The above post where you described the fairly common rape scenario is how it is with us. My sister is 11 years my senior (31) and when she was 19 married a man who was.. well not good news. I was eight and suffered years of abuse from him. It was one of the reasons for my self-harm and, i know what you're thinking, but that part of my past at least has nothing to do with my 'rape' fantasy. And in my man's defense, that wasn't how it was for him.
It had never crossed either of our minds before but one night he hadn't slept at all and was due for a twelve hour shift at work in like an hour's time. We were both highly aroused but i refused sex, purely thinking of his health and performance at work. He started touching me as i lay there, telling him to stay above my waist -not forcefully, smiling and all- then he noticed how wet i was and kind of snapped like 'I've gotta have you now' kinda thing and we kind of went from there. Afterwards we were like 'eff, that was fantastic' and i said 'I said i wouldn't give you sex, i said nothing about you taking it' and we thought it was quite funny but it gave us both the idea..
He is still very loving and we don't do that too often and he did stop immediately and jump back the one time i said stop.

Newhere: I will also take your advice and will discuss it more with him. Na, if i thought for a second bringing his inner self out a bit would be dangerous for either one of us, i wouldn't go there. But he is just holding back, he even tells me this cos he's scared of scaring me, though we trust each other completely. He just doen't give himself enough credit -or me for that matter if he thinks anything would put me off him.

Thanks for your replies again, all x

Originally Posted by Melephant

Newhere: I will also take your advice and will discuss it more with him. Na, if i thought for a second bringing his inner self out a bit would be dangerous for either one of us, i wouldn't go there. But he is just holding back, he even tells me this cos he's scared of scaring me, though we trust each other completely. He just doen't give himself enough credit -or me for that matter if he thinks anything would put me off him.

Well hopefully you guys can come to a happy compromise, but if he himself worded it that way, that he's scared of scaring you, you may be giving him a bit too much credit. It is true that some guys are very overprotective about certain things, but some people do keep things dialed back for a reason.

Preferably, your right and the two of you can get where you both wanna be with eachother

Originally Posted by Melephant

I want to give and recieve pain. I'm craving it... I just can't help this fetish, it's like a craving.

...he spanks me sometimes and we've tied eachother up.. But i just want more, i don't want this 'bubblegum' kink, i want the real deal.

...this urge to hurt and be hurt is so intense that i can't ignore it.

...i want him to do me damage.

Melephant, what a great name!

OK, you want the "real deal?" But first, I can't help but saying a few things. Don't let anyone lead you down the path that you have to investigate your past and come to some psychological understanding because otherwise you wouldn't have this kink. I could go into it in detail but I can tell you there are tons of women that had a perfect childhood, never spanked or abused that get very hot even suggesting pain. And of course just the opposite too. In my opinion there is not relation to the pain kink and any psychological thing that happened when you were a kid.

My analogy is as simple as it really is. The reason you don't tell guys to stop is because you ran a stop sign and killed someone. If you go to the psychologist and examine your past and really understand that it was an accident, then you will start telling guys to stop. Pop-psychology doesn't work with BDSM. We've already found out how well it works with gays. IOW, if you enjoy it do it.

I'll just tell you what we've (my ex-wife and I) done in the past and what I took to other relationships that has been exciting for both the girl and guy. While it took me and my ex-wife a long time to come up with the kink, when I tried it later in life with other women it was an easy fit. Of course not for all but those that had an interest in pain.

OK, first, I want to paint the picture of "role play." I think that describes it much better than "play" and much better than a "kink" and better than a "fantasy." We had a role play. I think what you can learn from my example is that your role doesn't have to be the same as my role... you take the role that works best for you. For me, my role play has a big element of dominance. For her she has a big element of submissiveness. However, I would rather her to have a little less submissiveness (not call me 'Sir') but I know that is what she likes and of course what turns her on turns me on so it is not much of a compromise.

And you will see that to keep things from being boring we are able to change these roles on the fly (in an instance).

Anyway, the first one I will describe is "domestic discipline." This is a role we played. It can easily switch over to "school discipline" or even "prison discipline." First I would have a reason for her to be punished. It would be something that she did during the week that displeased me. Something very minor that she didn't even realize (it's about being spontaneous and a surprise).

Note: I should point out to NEVER use something that in real life irritates you about the person. I know from experience this can be a disaster. So if he absolutely hates that you don't put the cap on the tube of toothpaste and you are sick of him harping on it, then by all means, don't use this in your role playing."

She sees it coming on real slow and gets excited as she sees what is happening. I might say, "Well I see that you hung up my shirt wrong side out?" At first she doesn't know we are starting sexual role playing and most likely would say, "Which one... I didn't know I did that." My reply would not be to answer her but to say, "I've told you before that I see that as a lack of respect." At this point she 'gets it.' This is really the only time she can back out. It doesn't work at this point to have a discussion such as, "Shouldn't we go eat first.. or can we wait until after..." You just don't go there... you either do it or not do it.

Then if we are going for it, it will be 100% sincere roles the rest of the time. She would say she was sorry... with her, it would be, "I'm sorry Sir." Then I would have a short scolding how she should respect what I ask of her, so on and so forth. Eventually I would have to decide if she needed to be punished. She would be anxious and doing her best to make me forget about the punishment but it wouldn't sway me as that is just exactly what she needs. I would march her into the bedroom, pull the chair out, make her get on the floor and take off her shoes and socks. Then I would have her stand before me with her hands on her head. Then start scolding her as I unbutton/unzip her jeans and slowly pull them down to her ankles. Ask her to step out of them and fold them neatly and put them on the dresser and return to the same spot. I might give her a swat if she didn't do exactly as I said. I would put my fingers in the waistband of her panties and scold her a little more, then I would quickly jerk them all the way down and have her step out of them. Order her to fold them neatly and put them on the dresser.

When she returned, I would grab her hair and march her over to the corner and put her nose in the corner. Hands on head facing wall. Each foot should be in the right position, she should be standing up straight, etc. I would help by holding in position with the ball of hair that I grabbed and pushing the small of her back in to just the right position. But I always seemed to find something to displease me. That's when I would give her a very hard swat across the butt and watch my hand prints slowly appear. Depending, I might have to do this more than once.

Then I would tell her how displeased I was and that she deserved to be punished, but I wasn't sure what I was going to use to punish her with. I would tell her not to leave the corner and not to turn around. If she did, it would go much harder for her. I would leave the room to fetch the instrument that I was going to spank her with. After a reasonable wait, I would return with either a switch, a hairbrush, or a belt (sometimes a prison strap, depending on the role). More scolding and more of my displeasure so I would take off her blouse. And then a little later, the bra would have to go. Still facing the wall and now completely naked she still doesn't know what I have to use on her bottom.

If this needed to be a short one, I might grab her hair and turn her around forcefully pressing her hard against the wall pinning her hair with one hand against the wall while unbuttoning my pants with the other and do her right then and there against the wall. The "role," would be that I couldn't take her beauty anymore so I had to do her right then and there.

The long one would be on with the punishment. (I'll try to wrap this up real quick here). Either I would turn her over my knee and start spanking her with the hairbrush until she is squirming and kicking (this is where he needs to know how much you can take and what you want), or guide her across the bed doggy style. Usually sex would be in this position... doggy style with a hot bottom that both her and I love. I simply love the heat that radiates. The point here is it could be domestic, or could be a cop/prisoner, or headmaster/principal (either kinky- naked or realistic, paddle on jeans).

We have done this tons of different ways and it never seems to get boring. Both the ex-wife and a few girlfriends over the years.