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Thread: Women And Masterbation

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    Default Women And Masterbation


    The other day, the conversation between my wife and I came up about masturbation (how ill never know). Anyhow, I asked her if she does it and her answer is: "no, never have never will"..My response was, your 35 years old and you never even tried it or experimented ? She is sticking to her story. I dropped the subject, and left it that I don't mind if she does, as I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. I dont feel talking to her about it further is worth anything as I understand that it is a social taboo, but is this even possible ? I will mention religion is not a factor, she is not religious nor was she raised in a religious upbringing. I just assumed that everyone did it and just didn't talk about it. Maybe I am used to hearing about it from guys who will readily admit doing it... What do you girls think ?

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    WH Super Moderator Array x.st.angel.x's Avatar
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    I never did it until recently and that was just my own decision, before it just made me feel uncomfortable doing it myself...i would have much rather have my SO do things instead of doing things myself
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    i have only done it once, & it does nothing for me. i could honestly believe that she has never, even myself i never did it till i did it for my hubby, nor had i ever felt the want to. every woman is different, for some it is amazing for others it isn't ne thing special.
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    Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Array PJhavinfunagain's Avatar
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    My Dh had mentioned masturbation to me a few times over the years (we are 40him/39me) I had tried it when I was younger with no results. I just felt silly. Fast forward to a few months ago when my libido went thru the roof. Well now I understand the joys of self pleasure. I do still enjoy DH wayyyyy more. But sometimes you need to make due.

    Dude... (that sounds funny to me...)
    How is your sex life with you wife? Is it OK or do you want more? If it is fine then don't worry about it. If you want more then have some gentle discussions. It's all about communication.
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    I'm not a girl, I'm a grown up and very sexual, woman. That is the first part of your answer - "girls" are children. (pet peeve of mine )

    I think a lot of women do have a problem with the idea, the action and/or talking about masterbation and sex. Whether people are religious or not, there is a deep social stigma attached to female sexuality. Recent studies of brain activity (it's amazing how they can map responses now) show that women are just as visually stimulated as men, just as easily aroused and yet a large percentage have apparently blocked the response or fail to recognise it. In the lab, women whose brains and physical responses indicate orgasm has occured, state that it hasn't. They are so out of touch with their own bodies and responses that they actually do not feel them.

    This is probably due to a combination of factors; men's sexual responses are very upfront and obvious to them, a woman's arousal is far less noticable, casually. She gets less immediate feedback to support understanding of what arouses her and how. Add to that all the "nice girl" and that's "dirty" messages she likely got growing up, then throw in all the derrogatory messages we have as a society about female sexuality and you have a lot to overcome. Just look at all the negative terms we have for sexual women - most aren't allowed here - but ho, that S/t word, loose, bimbo, and broad are a few milder ones. Notice that we do not have comparable words for men?

    Even if we aren't religious, the messages are deeply embeded - women and women's sexuality in particular, is what destroys men, brought evil into the world, original sin, those awful, bad women, distract men from the business of seriously destroying themselves and each other and making sacrifices and making sure life is grim before you die. I won't get into citing specific references (that might offend someone) but every major faith has a legacy of anti female beliefs and rhetoric. After all if you are going to control people and make them feel guilty, you have to take the fun away and hold that in reserve for an after death party.

    Women who want to be "good" know that sex, sexual self pleasure and probably sexual pleasure with a partner, are, if not down right bad, at least highly questionable and better avoided. I once went to a business sponsored partnership program which dealt with both working partnerships and life partnerships. It was a type of business which often involved couples. The couple conducting it were very successful, quite wealthy and had a very strong faith base. When talking about sex to the women, the wife, told the ladies that you have to learn to like sex because it makes the men happy and improves the relationship. While the results could be true, I thought it an odd way to put it. What about coming to enjoy sex because it enhances your own life? Because it will make you, as a woman, happier? Because it will improve the relationship for both? Nope, learn to like it, to improve things for him. So the postive message that sex is ok, was corrupted with the message that it's ok only because it makes men happier.

    This is the reality we live with. Change is slow and while there is a movement toward acceptance of women's sexual needs the route is strange and still lined with negative messages. The idea that the nice, fresh, clean cut, girl next door masterbates and expects an orgasm when she has sex and is still a nice, fresh, clean cut girl, hasn't really caught on. All that means is she is an undercover "bad" girl, secretly a ho.

    It's no wonder that your wife and many other women refuse to talk about masterbation, may never touch themselves sexually and really aren't very comfortable with sex. It's an unsafe and distrusted arena for many women. Some women do manage very successfully to turn that around. As we get older we may drop inhibitions and get far more proactive about our own needs. You can facilitate that by being a caring lover, educating yourself about pleasuring women -there are is a rapidly growing collection of books on the subject, gently encouraging her to express her needs. That means you have to listen nonjudgementally and not try to "correct" her, if what she says she wants or needs isn't what you think it should be - men do that a lot and it can shut a woman down. (It's kind of like telling someone how to pronouce their own name - yes, people do that)

    I'm sure if you do some reading here and jump into some of the threads you will get lots of ideas and feed back.
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    Quote Originally Posted by PJhavinfunagain View Post
    My Dh had mentioned masturbation to me a few times over the years (we are 40him/39me) I had tried it when I was younger with no results. I just felt silly. Fast forward to a few months ago when my libido went thru the roof. Well now I understand the joys of self pleasure. I do still enjoy DH wayyyyy more. But sometimes you need to make due.

    Dude... (that sounds funny to me...)
    How is your sex life with you wife? Is it OK or do you want more? If it is fine then don't worry about it. If you want more then have some gentle discussions. It's all about communication.
    To answer your question, its not enough, I could go for a lot more, but she chooses not to. As far as the communication, I think there is no point in talking to her any further, as to whether or not she masturbates, to me it does not matter, sure I would like to know a little secret, but I don't want to beat a dead horse. I did find it 'odd' that she has claimed she has never done it. To me, I would think it would be something you at least try, like smoking or drinking, maybe its for you maybe not. But thanks all from all the LADIES out there with the comments so far. I don't think any men have chimed in at this point..

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    WH Super Moderator Array Hopeless Dork's Avatar
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    Is she a very sexual person? Does she seem to enjoy the sex that you two have together and have a healthy apetite for it? Its been my observation that women that choose not to masturbate tend to just not enjoy sex all that much.

    It could be that she's just too embarassed to admit it to you, if she is a highly sexual partner and enjoys it with you its likely she has tried it before at some point or often:P and is just embarassed.

    If she isn't really that much of a sexual person, does not orgasm with you, doesn't really enjoy sexual activity its quite possible that she is actually telling the truth.

    Mind you, I am not saying women that have never masturbated hate sex and can't possibly like it... its just been an observation of mine that the two of those things (where moral reasons aren't involved) tend to go hand in hand.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork View Post
    Is she a very sexual person? Does she seem to enjoy the sex that you two have together and have a healthy apetite for it? Its been my observation that women that choose not to masturbate tend to just not enjoy sex all that much.

    It could be that she's just too embarassed to admit it to you, if she is a highly sexual partner and enjoys it with you its likely she has tried it before at some point or often:P and is just embarassed.

    If she isn't really that much of a sexual person, does not orgasm with you, doesn't really enjoy sexual activity its quite possible that she is actually telling the truth.

    Mind you, I am not saying women that have never masturbated hate sex and can't possibly like it... its just been an observation of mine that the two of those things (where moral reasons aren't involved) tend to go hand in hand.
    I would say 75% of the time, she enjoys and has an orgasm.. or so she says... The other 25% although seems like its another household chore that needs to be done. But, im not complaining, I am answering your question. When you explained it like you did it makes perfect sense, she is generally not very sexual person or open about it for that matter.. she can be when she wants to, overall it would say on quiet side. I am just trying to understand all this, not change her thinking.
    Last edited by Honda Dude; 01-10-2010 at 01:34 PM.

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    Before I got together with my boyfriend I did touch because I was curious but I soon found out that poking here, pulling there, caressing this part, or pushing that fold had zero effect on me. As a result I never bothered to continue on a regular basis since it was so boring (recently been increasing though in hopes that it would help achieve another orgasm with my boyfriend). Maybe your wife is the same way, perhaps she tried it out but got bored and does not want to admit that the act of masturbation did not yield the so-called euphoric feelings that so many say it "should".
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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array Theresa's Avatar
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    Because of a semi-sexless marriage I masturbate at least once a day. I have learned to that is what I need and I don't get it from my husband. Maybe your wife is satisfied with the sex she gets and does not need it. It is not for everybody.

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