Thread: He can't pleasure me, and I can't orgasm. What should I do?

I'm sure this is a contributing factor, as well, but I can't seem to achieve orgasm with my legs spread apart. They have to be closed together... and I'm not aware of any vaginal sex position that allows the male to enter when the woman's legs are closed tight. Kinda blocks all access to pearly gates.

Well, I take that back... Doing it spooning style or in a chair could allow for that. But if my legs aren't open during those positions, sex for me is uncomfortable and/or painful.

Maybe try doggy style with your knees together, your palm pressed on your own body the way you do when you masturbated, but with him providing the inside stimulation?

Or you can try laying on your back, legs straight up, supported on his chest while he kneels to enter. You can keep your legs close in this position.

I think that the fact you are able to achieve an orgasm at all, in any way shape or form is a good sign of things to come when you learn to let yourself relax and get rid of some of the mental blocks associated with orgasm.

I think it might not be a bad idea do so home research on your own, exploring different ways to masturbate, that while at first may bring some frustration (you can always go back to the routine after if you didn't get there the other way) but take the focus of having an orgasm and put the focus on feeling any pleasure sensations at all. The more you can be open to new sensations the easier it will be for him to recreate them for you in love making.

Considering the large population of women that have never experienced an orgasm AT ALL, EVER. ... you are in way a better position that that... now you just have to work on expanding what pleases you, relaxing about things touching you while you are feeling good. And learning to connect with those touches and associate them sexually.

Its all mental stuff at play there. Some people can orgasm having their toes sucked while there is no medical reason for sex pleasure to be in the toe.. the develop an association in their head with it being sexual and so have sexual feelings from it. Knowing that is possible I think theres got to be a way for you to associate sexual sensations from him touching other parts of your body while you masturbate, learning to not only see the finish line of trying to orgasm to get it over with... but to enjoy the ride to that destination fully.

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Maybe try doggy style with your knees together, your palm pressed on your own body the way you do when you masturbated, but with him providing the inside stimulation?

Tried that, and found that I can't orgasm when I'm not on my back.

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Or you can try laying on your back, legs straight up, supported on his chest while he kneels to enter. You can keep your legs close in this position.

Tried that too ... I've heard that what you described is a good way for the man to reach a woman's G-spot, but as I mentioned in my original post, the G-spot does nothing for me.

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

I think it might not be a bad idea do so home research on your own, exploring different ways to masturbate, that while at first may bring some frustration (you can always go back to the routine after if you didn't get there the other way) but take the focus of having an orgasm and put the focus on feeling any pleasure sensations at all.

I've been doing a lot of research lately and trying different things. So far no luck, but I'm not giving up just yet.

Thank you for all your advice. I appreciate it.

Many women never orgasm with a partner. It has a lot to do with how you first learn to orgasm. Most women only ever learn to orgasm in one way and if that is masturbation alone then it is often difficult with a partner. This is because women's sexual fantasies tend to be difficult to use during sex with a partner.

It's much less frustrating to just accept that sex does not cause female orgasm and to focus on sensual pleasuring. Get your partner to give you at the start of sex and over time he may learn ways of stimulating your clitoris as well especially if you are able to give him feedback.

My partner and I have spent decades on this problem and the only things that turn me on enough for orgasm are anal sex and vaginal fisting. But the orgasms are not the same (only physical feelings) as masturbation because I don't use fantasy.

There's some very good advice on this thread, i wish i'd discovered this site years ago!
I had the same problem as you ducky, for years the only way i could orgasm was using a technique very similar to yours. Years of trying with partners, or even other solo positions, never came to any more than frustration!
I eventually gave up after thinking there must be something wrong with me, or maybe i'd been too rough with myself previously so i'd desensitized myself.

Last summer my fiance gave me my first orgasm, now i'm having them around the clock! There will always be times when a woman cannot orgasm as it's just how we work. Men just need to be stimulated, whereas a woman has to be mentally switched on, aswell as physically. But this very rarely happens with me as i think my emotional state makes a difference.

When i stopped putting pressure on myself and previous partners and just relaxed and enjoyed the sensations, that's when i learned to orgasm -and yes, it is something a woman has to 'learn'.
I think cos with my fiance things are different, i am as comfortable with him as i am by myself, no insecurities, no pressure, i'm no longer self-conscious. I know that if he and i ever broke up -God forbid- it would take me a long time to orgasm again as it's the state of our relationship and my feelings towards him that make me able to orgasm.

Hope this helps, just my two cents...
Good luck